Miscellaneous: Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal,...

By uhhh what? - 10/04/2012 17:47 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 332

You deserved it 5 551

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 967

You deserved it 9 595

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, for Easter, my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142 907

You deserved it 7 512

The sleepwalkers are at it again!

By sierra - 11/03/2021 02:02

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 325

By dannij08 - 14/01/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 432

You deserved it 43 477

Proportional response

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 11:01

Today, in a fit of rage, my mom confessed to me that I was adopted, and if she had the chance to turn back time, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. All because I ate the last ice cream sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 174

It's a set up!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 01:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 1 281

Grow up

By BigKid - 28/01/2021 21:30

Today, I threw a tantrum because my younger sister ate my chocolate. I'm almost 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 1 155

Out of control

By Detroitman125 - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple of times after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 091

You deserved it 333

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 484

You deserved it 59 475

By alliez108 - 18/11/2011 00:50 - United States

Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 905

You deserved it 7 745

cradle6 13

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:31

Chocolate eggs? Is that what you kids call them now?

SkoomaKi 27

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:30

I'm proud of you, you found the last egg! Must have been some good chocolate if they said that.

Comments

gibbyguppy 0

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:19

The last egg?! How could you

ElricMustang 23

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:20

O.o shit just got real!

Brina1 0

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:21

Haha someone loves chocolate eggs

ElricMustang 23

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:29

Haha, I see what you did there :D awesome.

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:34

That's how it all starts. First the egg then.....

Schiffy 18

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:40

The last one? Oh my god, you felon.

NoKittyMyPotPie 3

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:42

Some people take chocolate way too seriously.

battlmastr 7

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:44

I feel u I'm told that cause I get a C in language arts

laden_swallow09 34

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:48

Don't you mean, "living in a van, down by the river"?

THExistentialist 13

Wednesday 11 April 2012 2:33

"livin' on the government cheese"?

Nerdfightersrule 11

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:54

cool

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The Top

Today, after years of training myself to crave healthier foods in order to lose weight, I found out that some of my favorite health foods actually aggravate my hypothyroidism, and indirectly reduce my metabolism. Broccoli and soybeans are making me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 977

You deserved it 3 688

Today, I was meeting friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was waiting for the group to arrive and our table to be ready. An Indian man approached me smiling, so I said, "We're not ready for our table yet." Then I realized it was my friend's boyfriend, who I've met several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 092

You deserved it 68 099

The Top

Today, a friend of mine asked me to proofread her essay. "Don't hold back," she said. I took a look at it. It looked like it was written by a third grader, and she's in college. After spending a huge amount of time marking all of her mistakes, I gave it back. She got upset at me for being "extremely critical." FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 78

Today, two of my coworkers broke the dishwasher. They ran a fully cooked rotisserie chicken through it multiple times until the meat disintegrated off its bones, just to 'see what would happen'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 108

Today, severely tired and pulling an all-nighter, I was editing documents at work. Eventually the words blurred together and "which" began to look funny, so I corrected them. I realized too late that I'd turned in the company's brochure with every "which" spelt as "witch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 981

You deserved it 28 798

Today, my dad is a drill sergeant, which is bad enough, but my boyfriend wants to meet him and my mom. This cannot go well, all the jokes and comedy movies say this cannot go well at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 166

Today, I walked home and found a massive branch had fallen into my parking space. My first thought, "Thank God my car wasn't hit!" My second thought, "Where's my car?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 442

You deserved it 146

Today, I thought I had two cats, an albino and a tuxedo, but apparently I have four. I just discovered that an orange cat and a black cat have somehow gotten into my basement and made themselves at home. There's no way in hell I can afford four cats. Oh, and the cats I actually own hate them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 183