Miscellaneous: Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal,... - FML

By uhhh what? - 10/04/2012 17:47 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 332

You deserved it 5 551

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 968

You deserved it 9 595

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, for Easter, my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142 908

You deserved it 7 512

The sleepwalkers are at it again!

By sierra - 11/03/2021 02:02

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 326

By dannij08 - 14/01/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 432

You deserved it 43 477

Proportional response

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 11:01

Today, in a fit of rage, my mom confessed to me that I was adopted, and if she had the chance to turn back time, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. All because I ate the last ice cream sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 174

It's a set up!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 01:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 1 283

Grow up

By BigKid - 28/01/2021 21:30

Today, I threw a tantrum because my younger sister ate my chocolate. I'm almost 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 1 156

Out of control

By Detroitman125 - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple of times after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 092

You deserved it 334

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 484

You deserved it 59 475

By alliez108 - 18/11/2011 00:50 - United States

Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 906

You deserved it 7 746

Next

Top comments

cradle6 13

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:31

Chocolate eggs? Is that what you kids call them now?

SkoomaKi 27

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:30

I'm proud of you, you found the last egg! Must have been some good chocolate if they said that.

Comments

Samanthai 0

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:57

Ur parents are just jealous cuz they wanted that last egg

digitaljunky 5

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:57

The truth hurts

titzenpitzer 9

Tuesday 10 April 2012 23:01

I'm guessing your parents are deadly serious

MMA_Canada92 7

Tuesday 10 April 2012 23:26

I'm surprised you're still living in the same house. I woulda kicked you out after eating the last chocolate egg... Jk jk

tigrouficele2012 44

Tuesday 10 April 2012 23:26

Don't they know how cheap Easter candy is after Easter is over? Just tell them to buy some more!

perdix 29

Tuesday 10 April 2012 23:47

They went easy on you. They left out the part that you'd be a desperate ***** reduced to blowing hobos for food, dying from eating said food and then burning in Hell for all eternity. Yeah, that's what happens to selfish shit kids who hog the treats.

SkoomaKi 27

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:01

Talking from experience Perdix? ;)

Pigeon89 34

Wednesday 11 April 2012 1:20

They do say it's a slippery slope...

THExistentialist 13

Wednesday 11 April 2012 2:31

what about the part where OP sucks meth for **** and haunts the busstops rambling about the chocolate eggs ruining everything and scaring small children?

perdix 29

Wednesday 11 April 2012 3:41

#52, Yes. I'm writing you this from Hell -- all we have is dial-up. The worst part is that I found out when I got here, I didn't need to service the hobos. I could have gotten food stamps and subsisted on government cheese. Why didn't I think of that?

BrownSugar10940 2

Tuesday 10 April 2012 23:49

Such an inspirational talk with yur parents

hilary56 0

Tuesday 10 April 2012 23:50

They're probably joking…

coboy 5

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:10

And thus the journey to self destruction has begun....

KingCeltic77 18

Wednesday 11 April 2012 0:12

My dad is the exact same way. I can relate.

I'madumbass 19

Friday 23 June 2017 17:19

My parents are very similar to this FML as well. Relatable...........I feel so sorry, OP

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I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 39

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You deserved it 117

The Top

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 426

You deserved it 3 346

Today, I'm unloved by my partner. She has not made love with me for one and a half years. On our anniversary two years ago, she told me we had nothing to celebrate, that I had achieved nothing in more than a decade we have been together. I lost 25 kgs and got a new job earning around 80K a year. Still nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 243

Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 436

You deserved it 311

Today, during a family reunion, my daughter accused me of being a racist because I won't let her date a black guy. I do not have a racist bone in my body, but this dude is an actual gang member, and he has killed people before. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 052

You deserved it 215

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 374

You deserved it 6 755

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 838

You deserved it 4 056