Miscellaneous: Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal,... - FML

By uhhh what? - 10/04/2012 17:47 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 332

You deserved it 5 551

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 968

You deserved it 9 595

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, for Easter, my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142 908

You deserved it 7 512

The sleepwalkers are at it again!

By sierra - 11/03/2021 02:02

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 326

By dannij08 - 14/01/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 432

You deserved it 43 477

Proportional response

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 11:01

Today, in a fit of rage, my mom confessed to me that I was adopted, and if she had the chance to turn back time, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. All because I ate the last ice cream sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 174

It's a set up!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 01:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 1 283

Grow up

By BigKid - 28/01/2021 21:30

Today, I threw a tantrum because my younger sister ate my chocolate. I'm almost 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 1 156

Out of control

By Detroitman125 - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple of times after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 092

You deserved it 334

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 484

You deserved it 59 475

By alliez108 - 18/11/2011 00:50 - United States

Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 906

You deserved it 7 746

Next

Top comments

cradle6 13

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:31

Chocolate eggs? Is that what you kids call them now?

SkoomaKi 27

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:30

I'm proud of you, you found the last egg! Must have been some good chocolate if they said that.

Comments

calaribinix 5

Wednesday 11 April 2012 5:38

You kind of deserve it.

muFilter 19

Wednesday 11 April 2012 5:55

This is your brain. This is your brain on chocolate eggs. Any questions?

FMLGriff 8

Wednesday 11 April 2012 6:00

I'm LMFO, but feel sorry for you at the same time. I'm hoping this apple fell far from the tree. now go eat the last Twinkie, finish the ice cream, and drink the last soda in the house. Rub it in!

Angel462 0

Wednesday 11 April 2012 6:13

chocolate is addicting but a chocolate easter egg is addicting to even parents :p

sparxva 12

Wednesday 11 April 2012 6:29

Your parents are freaks with a chocolate obsession. Just laugh at them and remind them you will choose their retirement home.

False_Stupidity 41

Wednesday 11 April 2012 6:47

U criminal imagine being locked up with really baddies and your worst offense was taking the last egg

thompson77 2

Wednesday 11 April 2012 7:12

Harshhh..

dansco 24

Wednesday 11 April 2012 7:25

Murderer! Seriously your parents are idiots! You probably grow up bossy lol

itssjulia 13

Wednesday 11 April 2012 7:31

Hahaha wow that's soo funny XDDD

courtz94 24

Wednesday 11 April 2012 7:50

Your parents are immature.

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Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Weddings Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Relatable Mental health Therapy Argument Parenting Kids Thanksgiving Covid Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money

The Top

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 834

Today, yet again I had to lie to a date about what I do for a living, because every time I tell someone the truth, that I work in private equity, they have some choice words about "people like me ruining things" and "ruining the housing prices." I feel like an evil James Bond or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 561

The Top

Today, the love of my life has moved a new girl into our house. Seeing him with her is agony. When they met, he told me I had nothing to worry about. Three hours after he'd said he wanted to get back together, she called him from a new permanent phone number, and now he acts like us getting back together never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 167

Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 372

You deserved it 3 741

Today, my mother-in-law had concealed in her suitcase a kitchen knife and plastic bags of MSG, salt, and other seasonings (AKA unidentified white powder) because she doesn’t trust foreign food, and wanted to cook her own food on holiday. Airport security were not amused and we missed our flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 103

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 601

You deserved it 23 084

Today, my boyfriend called and asked me why I love him. I told him because he's always there for me and continues to put up with my bipolar disorder. He promptly said "not anymore" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 021

You deserved it 5 443

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 278

You deserved it 876