Miscellaneous: Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal,...

By uhhh what? - 10/04/2012 17:47 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 332

You deserved it 5 551

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 968

You deserved it 9 595

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, for Easter, my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142 908

You deserved it 7 512

The sleepwalkers are at it again!

By sierra - 11/03/2021 02:02

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 326

By dannij08 - 14/01/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 432

You deserved it 43 477

Proportional response

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 11:01

Today, in a fit of rage, my mom confessed to me that I was adopted, and if she had the chance to turn back time, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. All because I ate the last ice cream sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 174

It's a set up!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 01:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 1 283

Grow up

By BigKid - 28/01/2021 21:30

Today, I threw a tantrum because my younger sister ate my chocolate. I'm almost 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 1 156

Out of control

By Detroitman125 - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple of times after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 092

You deserved it 334

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 484

You deserved it 59 475

By alliez108 - 18/11/2011 00:50 - United States

Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 906

You deserved it 7 746

cradle6 13

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:31

Chocolate eggs? Is that what you kids call them now?

SkoomaKi 27

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:30

I'm proud of you, you found the last egg! Must have been some good chocolate if they said that.

Comments

robokid777 4

Thursday 12 April 2012 14:07

you then reply with and your going to end up in an old folks home

DanteWest1000 5

Friday 13 April 2012 0:27

YDI! Chocolate Eggs are the shit...

suil5129 6

Friday 13 April 2012 6:27

Can't complain if it turns out to be true

pigbilly 0

Friday 13 April 2012 10:03

You need to man the **** up! What's wrong with my wimpy ass generation?

alex_chvz 0

Monday 16 April 2012 2:46

haha ur parents sound awesome!!

Auric 9

Monday 16 April 2012 3:19

It's a slippery slope...

methatguy94 1

Sunday 6 May 2012 0:12

Either your parents have a good sense of humor and you are a moron, or your parents are insane and you are justified.

metal8lover 11

Monday 21 May 2012 6:10

not cool but it does sound like something my parents would say...

missalice0306 19

Thursday 24 May 2012 16:34

That must be some good chocolate

ZeroIce 12

Thursday 12 July 2012 5:51

Those chocolate eggs bring out the worst of us...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 837

You deserved it 6 059

Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 529

The Top

Today, I found male enhancers hidden in the back of the car, which I'm assuming are my husband's, but we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 693

You deserved it 375

Today, I was online dating and a girl from high school messaged me. Thinking she might have matured since we're now in our 40's, I messaged back. She then said it was a joke and that I'm still a desperate, pathetic nerd trying to score with the hottest girl in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 345

You deserved it 349

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 562

You deserved it 6 965

Today, it's my birthday, I received two cards, one from my mum and one from my son, that my mum gave to him to give to me. My entire family said they couldn't be bothered going out for dinner for my birthday. My two 'friends' didn't even send a card, never mind a gift or want to meet up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 329

You deserved it 280

Today, I went to a function with my dad for a football team. Handing my dad the camera, I finally worked up the courage to ask for a photo with my favourite player. The guy was looking at my boobs in all three photo attempts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 231

Today, after our grandmother's memorial service, my 9-year-old sister took it upon herself to solemnly inform the priest in front of everyone in attendance that, "You lied. Jesus isn't here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 802

You deserved it 4 927