Love: Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding...

By roadkill0321 - 07/11/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 503

You deserved it 5 387

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Same thing different taste

By Rosey - 23/07/2014 20:57 - United States - Manson

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 126

You deserved it 3 361

You never know

By Mezzlegasm - 10/07/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, I was talking to my good friend's girlfriend. She mentioned being afraid of losing her job. Because she was still a teenager, I jokingly said, "Oh, like you're responsible for a whole family!" She is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 095

You deserved it 51 273

Mrs Nostradamus

By Anonymous - 08/06/2022 02:00

Today, my mum met my amazing new girlfriend, but later said she'd probably cheat on me. She had correctly foreseen my ex would get pregnant against my will, take the child away, and sue for support, which I didn't believe back then. What should I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 23:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the "I know I'm not your mother..." speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 811

You deserved it 3 012

By mommydearest - 04/09/2011 16:08 - Denmark

Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 337

You deserved it 4 122

By Anonymous - 19/05/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 340

You deserved it 3 193

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 560

You deserved it 2 880

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 05:13 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 171

You deserved it 7 284

By divorced - 07/03/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I said to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said, "Mommy, I don't want to leave." She wasn't talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 121

You deserved it 10 449

By M.A. - 25/02/2014 05:22 - United States - Prescott

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 105

You deserved it 5 551

faerieworld 1

Monday 7 November 2011 12:10

Relax. It just means if you hurt the daughter her mother will gouge your eyes out with her sharp beak and talons.

phoenixslayer69 4

Monday 7 November 2011 12:07

Run and hide!

Comments

dmadsen33 9

Monday 7 November 2011 13:14

Wow.. She is going to sit on you...

Jesus_Christ69 0

Monday 7 November 2011 13:20

Hide yer kids.

glittercookies 12

Monday 7 November 2011 15:37

Hide yo wife

Jesus_Christ69 0

Monday 7 November 2011 15:41

Hide your... Grandmother?

TipOfTheHat 10

Monday 7 November 2011 13:22

Talk about going into the wrong chicken coup!

deefan101 11

Monday 7 November 2011 13:30

I suggest hiding....... FOR LIFE!!! ?

MrSaxMan 0

Monday 7 November 2011 13:41

So if you screw her daughter, mammas gunna want some too

2wenty0ne21 0

Monday 7 November 2011 13:54

Tell her to mind her own business!

leadman1989 15

Monday 7 November 2011 13:57

It means all your ball/wrench dodging skills are about to cone in pretty handy.

leadman1989 15

Monday 7 November 2011 14:01

Meant *come... damn fingers

CryMoreFMLs 14

Monday 7 November 2011 14:26

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.

BighornB 0

Monday 7 November 2011 14:07

Typical white trash redneck talk. They all think they are bad ass when really they are all full of shit

vins25_fml 0

Monday 7 November 2011 14:10

U gotta run big timeeee

ThisIsSpicy 2

Monday 7 November 2011 14:12

Maybe she's planning on pecking you to death....

Keywords

Awkward Lonely Love Party Transportation Cars ADHD Work Mental health Ironic Vacation Accident Miscellaneous Grandparents Kids Annoying Covid Health Cute Shopping Coworkers Dogs Animals Videos Photography Art Sex Intimacy Exhausted Money

The Top

Today, I listened to my best friend complain, again, about the two guys she's seeing, and how she doesn't know which one to choose, because they're both perfect. Meanwhile, I'm cleaning up my dog's loose stools, haven't had a date in over three years, and I'm also sharing a room with the very same best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 324

You deserved it 2 005

Today, I have COVID. My almost ex-wife is taking our kid to Thanksgiving with her family, but asked if he could stay longer with me (while I'm in quarantine), I said OK, no energy to argue, but she pushed and when I said, "If he's negative and has no symptoms it seems unnecessary" she screamed, "I DON'T WANT TO KILL MY PARENTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 374

The Top

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 282

You deserved it 3 004

Today, I decided to try LSD with a few friends in a safe environment. As an artist, I had planned to spend my trip doing psychedelic paintings and had all my supplies set up. Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about the "evil easel" and never even touched my canvas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 894

You deserved it 57 081

Today, after my girlfriend warned me she has the condition hypersexuality and like a fool I thought I’d landed on my feet, or on my back as it were, do you have any idea how bad sex is when you have it between 5 and 10 times a day for over a year? It’s basically a chore at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 669

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 480

You deserved it 5 894

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 849

You deserved it 29 091

Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 474

You deserved it 5 357

Same thing different taste

You never know

Mrs Nostradamus

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