Miscellaneous: Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could...

By Anonymous - 07/04/2012 19:40 - United States

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 812

You deserved it 53 671

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Deluxe Memory Man

By St Steven - 15/04/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 1 237

As a treat

By Undercooked - 24/09/2013 19:08 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 087

You deserved it 4 776

By craigtm029429 - 02/03/2012 00:47 - United States

Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 843

You deserved it 1 900

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 07:18 - United States - American Canyon

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 705

You deserved it 7 409

Classic

By Dylan - 15/10/2023 06:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to the supermarket to buy just one item - a single, ripe avocado. After spending way too long choosing the perfect one, I got to the checkout counter. I'd left my wallet at home. I had to abandon my poor avocado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 551

Hello, goodbye

By Joey - 07/05/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 158

You deserved it 5 244

Lunch Special

By Luisa - 09/01/2020 01:00

Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 063

You deserved it 241

By Snuffles - 24/04/2019 18:00

Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 241

By neverunderstood - 02/12/2016 12:39 - Italy - San Pietro In Casale

Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway beetween our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 433

You deserved it 1 426

Breakfast time!

By shit flavored eggs - 09/03/2021 00:30

Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 459

dontfmlplzzz 6

Sunday 8 April 2012 1:59

Common sense isn't so common nowadays

loller27 6

Sunday 8 April 2012 2:00

dude what did you think it meant

Comments

menacingsprite 3

Sunday 8 April 2012 15:27

Hahaha my sister and I laughed so hard... But this is a serious 'blonde' moment worth sharing!

littlecityof 3

Sunday 8 April 2012 16:08

Hey, you got the most important part...the bacon.

eyecon502 13

Sunday 8 April 2012 16:48

Is it worse that you didn't know, or that you publicly admitted it and expected sympathy?

ElricMustang 23

Sunday 8 April 2012 17:48

Not a rock, just someplace far with no real education.

quivx 7

Sunday 8 April 2012 17:50

Wow. You are a goddamned retard.

Obeyy19 4

Sunday 8 April 2012 18:04

All I can say is SMH!

ysmipha 3

Sunday 8 April 2012 18:08

Don't bogart that joint my friend, pass it along

Mauskau 35

Sunday 8 April 2012 18:23

Where did the idea of avocados and napkins come from? It's not a BAN.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 8 April 2012 18:40

Wow...I can't cook but even I know what a BLT sandwich is. I'm wondering why she didn't go herself, but then I realize that she probably thought you were at least intelligent enough to know what a BLT sandwich is. YDI...no wonder women are told to stay in the kitchen - men (most of them anyway) are incompetent when it comes to even making a sandwich!