Love: Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town....

By wounded pride, intact cock - 17/01/2015 18:49 - United States

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 643

You deserved it 6 788

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By steak through the heart - 18/11/2014 18:57 - United States - El Monte

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 070

You deserved it 4 128

By jgboy - 14/09/2014 15:32 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 191

You deserved it 9 510

By naughtytwinsisters - 25/02/2011 08:27 - Philippines

Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 661

You deserved it 33 442

Family matters

By food critic - 22/12/2016 14:26 - Australia - Ryde

Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 797

You deserved it 604

Whatthefuckaburger

By r u kidding me? - 09/06/2020 20:00

Today, after my girlfriend continuously whined for hours about a specific burger place, I finally gave in and we drove nearly two hours to get there. Once in line, she looked at the menu, then decided everything had too many calories and wanted to go home. She doesn’t get why I’m pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 877

You deserved it 333

By whatdidIdo - 03/09/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 829

You deserved it 3 809

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 723

You deserved it 4 481

By Iron11 - 14/06/2016 20:52

Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 762

You deserved it 4 408

Gutted

By G…… - 28/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try a new "exotic" restaurant that just recently opened. I paid almost a hundred bucks for a bowl of oily meat sludge and a bunch of mushy vegetables, then got to shit my brains out all night. Exotic my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 133

How can I make this about me?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 18:01

Today, it's my birthday. My wife took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. She made me pay for my birthday dinner, along with hers. She also got me a gift card to HER favorite store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 164

juturnaamo 29

Sunday 18 January 2015 2:55

She recently died in s car accident. Some dick cut her off.

Shamandalie89 32

Sunday 18 January 2015 0:09

Some crazy bitch who chopped off her husband's penis.

Comments

kalbrek009 20

Sunday 18 January 2015 17:57

Does anyone else recall that John Wayne Bobbit (the husband) became super famous afterwards for having reconstructive surgery to restore his penis & then became a **** star though? Lol

shfs2010 4

Sunday 18 January 2015 18:12

Seems like debt is going to be piling up. Good luck buddy.

EvilLittleMan 23

Sunday 18 January 2015 18:14

Do you hear what I hear? The cracking of a whip.

GunSlinger69 19

Sunday 18 January 2015 19:05

Nope, I hear a fellow man in danger and a psycho wife who is threatening to castrate him, thanks.

Saraishi 24

Sunday 18 January 2015 19:45

Look up divorce lawyers instead. She's abusive and money-hungry.

afallingstar 22

Sunday 18 January 2015 20:00

Should have made the next search for some mental help for her...if she's going to threaten your man hood over something as trivial as that she has issues.

blackvyper 8

Sunday 18 January 2015 21:41

You should tell your wife that John Wayne Bobbitt went on to become a pornstar after that.

cfett199 8

Sunday 18 January 2015 22:54

Honestly OP, I would have called her bluff. I would have recorded the ensuing conversation, then made a show of calling the police because thats borderline domestic violence (actual if she were to attempt, god forbid succeed in mutilating you). Head that shit off at the pass OP, she needs to learn that threatening to mutilate you, or any threat at all, is not an appropriate method of getting what she wants.

Flashman9000 9

Sunday 18 January 2015 22:59

If she's threatening to hurt you then you need to leave.

TheQuietComposer 3

Monday 19 January 2015 0:30

Hey, OP, that is seriously abusive behavior. Has your wife threatened you or harmed you before? You might want to see a counselor, and if there's a pattern of abuse in your relationship, get out! It's not worth staying with someone who controls you with cruelty and fear. Take care of yourself!

Xandrick 22

Monday 19 January 2015 1:34

Wow....just wow. That's a major violent threat, and not to be taken lightly. I'd get a restraining order for that. There are many times when "leave/divorce him/her" is rather hasty. But this time, you should definitely say, "Bye Felicia."