Work: Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my...

By Anonymous - 07/08/2015 17:31 - United States - Newark

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 052

You deserved it 1 898

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 13:23 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 005

You deserved it 96 591

By Simms - 14/03/2012 02:32 - United States

Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 532

You deserved it 6 467

Pranksters

By dan - 09/05/2012 20:10 - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 183

You deserved it 2 180

Shut up!

By Anonymous - 03/03/2013 18:03 - Germany - Augsburg

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 980

You deserved it 11 230

By 123literateABC - 04/11/2015 03:10 - United States - Grand Haven

Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 529

You deserved it 1 547

By Faker - 16/10/2012 21:44 - United States

Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 022

You deserved it 1 669

Who sharpens screwdrivers?

By Anonymous - 26/12/2021 14:01

Today, on my building site, I asked one of the guys to pass me a screwdriver. He threw it so hard that when I caught it, it stabbed into the meat of my finger and came clean out the other side. Now all the guys keep joking I got royally screwed. The jokes are worse than the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 116

Oops.

By Anonymous - 18/11/2017 01:30

Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 872

You deserved it 1 119

By I already have one, thanks - 09/08/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 337

You deserved it 3 085

By framed - 02/04/2016 12:30 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, I was chatting with a new guy at work. He cracked a joke about me and I jokingly gave him a light push on the shoulder. Half a second after I touched him, he threw himself back and hit the floor yelling in "pain". Now I'm suspended because of this psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 402

You deserved it 2 424

FlamingJazkinz 15

Saturday 8 August 2015 8:01

Take it off and smack them.

mattzawesome 28

Saturday 8 August 2015 8:03

That's unbelievable, using a tragedy against someone and conflating them with a crime.

Comments

emma_b911 15

Saturday 8 August 2015 23:20

This made me cry a little. I'm not joking.

Bragi 12

Saturday 8 August 2015 23:23

Lawyer up, OP! You've struck gold.

Dexter83_fml 17

Sunday 9 August 2015 0:14

We're there any witnesses OP please update us

JCRouzer29 27

Sunday 9 August 2015 0:27

Go to HR, get them fired, then get back to being awesome. I love doing that last one

duckmeist3r 13

Sunday 9 August 2015 0:35

This is the point where you report them for harassment.

Kramer1998 20

Sunday 9 August 2015 1:13

I think you should invest in a cricket bat op

soulreaper12296 28

Sunday 9 August 2015 1:56

Report it to your boss/manager.

katykabler 8

Sunday 9 August 2015 2:12

They are assholes!!!! Sorry op

sarcasmine 19

Sunday 9 August 2015 2:15

What an asshole but yet again you're in New Jersey, a place full of assholes

TheDevilsDevices 15

Sunday 9 August 2015 2:16

Seems a bit ignorant considering how many wounded warriors that are out there. Yeah, beat his ass with it!

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The Top

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 088

You deserved it 2 489

Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me, so when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 203

You deserved it 5 718

The Top

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 802

You deserved it 6 266

Today, I told one of my coworkers that she looked really cute today. Later she sent an email to me and cc'd the entire office saying, "It really makes me feel uncomfortable when you say things like that to me. And I shouldn't have to feel that way at work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 923

You deserved it 3 594

Today, at work, the same manager who flagged me for being on my phone during an emergency call to my MIL, telling me my baby had an accident and busted her head open, was sitting in the office watching TikTok videos and hitting her vape pen. I guess the rules only apply to certain people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 128

Today, my husband gave me an ultimatum - choose him or my male best friend. I chose my husband. My husband then admitted to me that he was hoping I would choose my best friend so he would have an excuse to leave me and wouldn't have to tell me he's been cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 916

You deserved it 4 530

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 532

You deserved it 23 317

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years left me because apparently I'm "too beautiful and he can no longer handle other guys always trying to flirt with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 622

You deserved it 6 486