Work: Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck...

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 495

You deserved it 5 038

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 007

You deserved it 3 594

Keep some things to yourself

By Beer - 28/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I picked out a massive two-inch long ingrown hair on my chin. I called my girlfriend in to take a look. She saw it, shrieked, then fainted, cracking her head on the toilet as she fell. Hello, hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 368

Healthy lifestyle tips

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 4 119

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 73

By Shock - 21/03/2016 20:12 - United States - Littleton

Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 154

You deserved it 1 639

By howaboutthemcarrots - 14/04/2015 15:08 - Finland - Laajalahti

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 354

You deserved it 4 200

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 23:22 - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 129

You deserved it 5 138

Nice.

By poururheartout - 27/07/2018 20:30

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 279

You deserved it 398

By AK-47 - 17/07/2015 23:04 - United States - Farmington

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 843

You deserved it 3 493

We could be heroes

By OhPleaseNo - 07/04/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 203

Welshite 39

Thursday 19 June 2014 0:48

That's not how one is supposed to get fiber...

Saone_fml 27

Thursday 19 June 2014 0:49

Oh I'd heard a similar one. "I was outside gardening, I slipped and my trousers fell down, and I fell on the carrot and you know the rest... I don't know what prankster decided to put condoms on my carrots though."

Comments

pangalactic 2

Thursday 19 June 2014 9:58

Look on the bright side - you now have a healthy snack all ready for your break.

sirdano 3

Thursday 19 June 2014 10:57

he was just feeding the hamster stuck up there

PotatoPal 11

Thursday 19 June 2014 11:36

Sir, carrots are supposed go in the OTHER hole.

ShittingHicks 4

Thursday 19 June 2014 12:00

Yah the urethra.

FalconWhitaker 20

Thursday 19 June 2014 11:41

I don't understand why people try to explain away things like this. The people at the hospital already know it's a sexual thing. Why even bother lying? Why not just admit "Yup, couldn't afford a ***** and it went spectacularly wrong"?

XxKatiie 7

Thursday 19 June 2014 12:43

Thanks OP for stealing my FML from the moderating process, great to know there's a lot of assholes on here. This incident happened in a hospital in SA, Australia. I'm a female nurse, not an anon man from Florida.

Dopeshit_fml 4

Thursday 19 June 2014 13:12

LMFAO

zombraingirl 11

Thursday 19 June 2014 13:16

I believe him. It's happened to me before.

mattbaker 17

Thursday 19 June 2014 13:44

did he come nude to hospital?

XxKatiie 7

Thursday 19 June 2014 15:05

I can answer this because unlike OP this is actually my FML, he didn't come to the emergency ward nude, he managed to dress himself but had great difficulty sitting down.