Intimacy: Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the...

By girlgirlinsanity - 25/07/2010 11:09 - United States

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 565

You deserved it 5 784

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Same thing different taste

Night terror

By unlovedandunfucked - 10/12/2014 18:16 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 779

You deserved it 4 560

By lonerjik - 19/01/2011 12:05 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 290

You deserved it 10 834

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Chatham

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 398

You deserved it 3 437

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 049

You deserved it 4 497

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 198

You deserved it 6 728

By Anonymous - 04/06/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 686

You deserved it 10 050

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 048

You deserved it 3 383

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 12:09 - United States

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 722

You deserved it 2 578

By thanks. - 28/01/2017 04:00

Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 969

You deserved it 825

Who the f***?

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I woke up to find out I'd had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything because apparently I talked throughout my dream, and she was right next to me listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 934

You deserved it 5 947

amayakitty 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 19:08

wow, what a bitch, she should've kept it to herself, then.

smr167 6

Sunday 25 July 2010 19:08

sucks to be you

Comments

dudeitsdanny 9

Sunday 25 July 2010 19:31

Fyl for having a girlfriend who shares this stuff. And fyl for the pricks who will say YDI for being a lesbian. They always come.

Simoneaux17 11

Tuesday 25 June 2013 23:19

**** you.

Freeze_fml 16

Sunday 25 July 2010 19:32

Must have involved bacon.

AlexisSilver 10

Sunday 25 July 2010 20:05

DISS

Son_of_Helghan 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 20:11

follow the captains advice, all will be okay if you listen to him captain- nice dog

Salaminizer 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 20:21

"Is Wayne Brady gonna have to get up out dis car and CHOKE-A-BITCH?!"

STYLE_E 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 20:46

haha chapelles show FTW!!

956TXking 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 21:30

lol I was watching that yesterday

xACIDDx 0

Monday 26 July 2010 5:26

"Oh shit! it's Wayne Brady!"

Hwikek 2

Sunday 25 July 2010 20:31

WOW

Jazzyj152 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 21:13

@13 its not possible

FatalWedgie 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 23:14

I realize that now, my bad. knock her out and fill her with ketchup then.

fisheatsbear 6

Sunday 25 July 2010 23:35

lol ketchup

iamepiclee 3

Sunday 25 July 2010 21:33

haha that was so not nice :)

kelsay333 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 22:41

lol. I'd do the same thing to her the next day.

captainPIRATEche 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 23:09

aha that sucks! but I bet u the dream ws probably about Johnny depp, he's hella sexy!!! mmhm mhm mhm mhm mhm...!

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 558

You deserved it 13 722

Today, I had to make the difficult decision to get rid of my cat. He's terrible around unfamiliar people and always attacks them on sight, completely unprovoked. He even does this to my niece, who isn't even a year old. Still, he's such a sweetie despite his lack of people skills, so I feel like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 224

The Top

Today, I was babysitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two-hour struggle, I finally managed to get them into bed. I then asked them what they wanted before going to sleep. The eldest replied: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 432

You deserved it 3 122

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 367

You deserved it 7 148

Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 637

You deserved it 43 699

Today, while trying to explain to my date that a small coffee would be fine, I said, "I'm cheap and I'm easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 203

You deserved it 34 253

Today, my partner had teletherapy early in the morning, so I was in rush to leave the apartment. I threw on clothes, and at the end of the day (at around 3 p.m.) I felt like someone at me a little funny as I was getting off an elevator. I looked in the mirror and realized my leggings had been on inside out all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 213

Today I intended to get up at 6 am so I set the alarm for 5 am. What ended up happening was that I got up at 9 am, and the 5 am alarm will ring in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 680

You deserved it 1 215

Same thing different taste

Night terror

Who the f***?

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