By god - 29/04/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Livingston

Spicy
Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML
I agree, your life sucks 49 323
You deserved it 5 567
Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…
Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Next

Top comments

PossiblyInDanger 24

At least you didn't find out he was cheating on you.

457 8
niallo 23

At least he kept a good grip on the situation.

382 6

Comments

91hayek 31

But you still noticed. Poor form. Makes me wonder though, who are better at stealth orgasms? Men or Women?

39 6
DraconicFeline 31

That depends on the person more than on gender.

27 1
Ki11erC 18

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
11 27
MisterEx 28

You had me on "don't let me get started"

9 1
RedPillSucks 31

OPs husband got started without her

9 2
LisaDay 14

@37, i think some women fake it because after a while, it can get sore and painful. i never have, but my friend told me she does sometimes because i starts to hurt.

11 2
Sangue0608 26

so they could just be honest instead of faking it.

15 3
Goblin182 26

@76, and finished without her

6 1
Sp1k3FML 14

There are times and places for that type of work,but not while people are around you. FYL

26 6
Flowtastic 16

*was going to mention certain types of clubs then noticed how young 15 looked* Bravo for innocence....

34 3
machern 1

Your waitress had to be pretty hot.

35 16
Mynamewontfi 40

The real FML is for the person who has to clean the restaurant afterwards.

58 0
speakersboom 19

*checks under the table* "no gum, here. But there's something else..." :'|

25 1
Flowtastic 16

Makes me wonder how one with class would defecate...

42 1
95DeVille 13

Maybe he is really anal about getting off at a certain time.

31 2
geekbuscus 19

That is so disrespectful. He's out with his wife for their anniversary and he jacks off under the table in the restaurant. What the hell?

42 2
cryssycakesx3 22

on the contrary, maybe she looked extra good.

4 16
Sangue0608 26

Maybe he was hinting that he wanted to slip under the table with OP and she just wasn't picking up on it so he had to finish himself off.

1 5
ElricMustang 23

You'd seriously divorce someone over this?

4 6
Axel5238 29

Well in public at the table. Yeah that is really gross and she should divorce him. Also, if he thinks that doing a the table in public is something to be proud of something is wrong. If there were kids present in that restaurant that would qualify him as a sex offender in some areas.

16 4
horneyhic 15

Do us a favour #26 and don't get married it's attitudes like that that are the reason for the 60% divorce rate

9 18
sicksadworld1317 30

66- Read the comment above yours and see if you get the point. Yes, randomly whipping ones dick out in public is a problem worth divorcing over. What next- will he whip it out and get them both arrested? Get himself beat up? Traumatize a child? No marital partner should have this many possibilities for their spouse to **** up their life- and over his dick for that matter.

14 3
ninety 25

I'm pretty sure incidences related to infidelity are what contribute to most of that 60% divorce rate. Regardless, jerking it under a table in public is still far from normal, understandable or acceptable, and incredibly immature. That aside, if my husband were jerking it under a restaurant table just to see if he could get away with it I would probably wonder what else he was doing just to see if he could get away with.

15 2
cryssycakesx3 22

65, I don't think he was "doing the table," per se.

3 12