Intimacy: Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto...

By tingles - 19/01/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 023

You deserved it 8 059

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Same thing different taste

By MIND BLOWING - 20/10/2012 13:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 247

You deserved it 39 768

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

By Anonymous - 09/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 776

You deserved it 12 059

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 568

You deserved it 4 581

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 939

You deserved it 9 088

Sexy moves

By what sex life? - 02/08/2016 06:26 - United States - Nashville

Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 286

You deserved it 2 892

By Anonymous - 18/12/2011 10:09 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 640

You deserved it 17 547

By naughtymommy0317 - 20/06/2013 08:47 - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 112

You deserved it 5 919

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 420

You deserved it 26 483

By lice - 28/03/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 420

You deserved it 14 000

By Loki16 - 02/06/2016 08:40 - United States - New York

Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 520

You deserved it 756

Freeze_fml 16

Saturday 19 January 2013 16:12

Clean sex is good sex.

toughchick14 15

Saturday 19 January 2013 16:15

Well at least you know that the sex was 99.9% clean!

Comments

r8drray 2

Saturday 19 January 2013 20:21

Inquiring minds want to know... Where exactly are you feeling pain??? Lol!

egrudy 9

Saturday 19 January 2013 20:55

Never keep those next to each other. Like laxative and Tylenol

stacyariel 6

Saturday 19 January 2013 21:21

I've done it with icy-hot . Bet hand sanitizer wasn't that bad .

maddiewoah 15

Saturday 19 January 2013 22:31

geez.. always check these things, no matter how unsexy it is to be reading labels while trying to get your freak on. o_o

Grauncho 27

Saturday 19 January 2013 23:27

He didn't miss. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Ukeee_X 19

Saturday 19 January 2013 23:31

Did the smell and texture not seem off? YDI my friend, even the most hot sex you still know what's happening.

emh86 14

Sunday 20 January 2013 1:00

Snap!

whY402Jay 12

Sunday 20 January 2013 1:45

Did you stop?

meagann01 4

Sunday 20 January 2013 5:23

Doesn't matter.. had.. No? Yeah okay.

whatsittuya 2

Sunday 20 January 2013 6:48

Op: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!?! Bf: you?! My penis is a lightsaber!!!

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If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!...

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 12

Today, I taught my daughter to tell a teacher if she was being bullied. My husband however taught her teachers are useless, and if you punch bullies in the balls really hard, they will bend forwards which puts them in a good position for an uppercut that will knock out teeth. The school is furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 156

The Top

Today, after weeks of allowing my parents to borrow money, I got a check for $2000. I took it to the bank only to find out it was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 243

You deserved it 3 381

Today, while dropping my son off at the bus stop before school, I went to give him a kiss on the cheek. Then, before I was able to make contact, he jumped away, yelled "PSYCH!!!!" as loud as he could, and jumped on the bus. The kids all laughed at me and the other parents looked embarrassed for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 908

You deserved it 365

Today, the friend who I'm crushing on but doesn't like me like that back said she wants us to keep our distance AND got angry because I told her I joined a dating app. Now she thinks I lied about my feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 173

Today, while manscaping in the shower, I found out that things can still get caught in the clippers, even with a guard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 098

You deserved it 772

Today, I found actual poop inside the washing machine. Gotta love roommates… FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 101

Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 612

You deserved it 372

Same thing different taste

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

Sexy moves

Sensitive snowflake

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