Intimacy: Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we...

By scot - 02/09/2012 15:38 - United States - Granby

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 274

You deserved it 13 992

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Same thing different taste

By jester777 - 22/01/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 549

You deserved it 49 422

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 918

In the mood

By Steve - 16/12/2012 06:25 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 806

You deserved it 18 371

By oh no - 22/06/2015 20:58 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 485

You deserved it 5 288

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 293

You deserved it 7 527

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 642

You deserved it 2 607

By Kay - 03/02/2011 05:33

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 814

You deserved it 3 167

Close quarters

By smellay - 14/04/2020 23:00

Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 386

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 042

You deserved it 3 908

By June - 19/05/2009 21:51 - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 626

You deserved it 74 788

FMLKitten 15

Sunday 2 September 2012 19:54

That's such a turnoff.

tjsc831 0

Sunday 2 September 2012 19:56

Pretend to shit or lose your dick? Think u made a good choice

Comments

annie_nk 22

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:02

Well those noises kinda sound alike. Better than being caught, in my opinion.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:03

Wait...wouldn't he be trying to find his daughter, then? And once he didn't find her, wouldn't he come to the logical conclusion that she's with you...?

perdix 29

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:04

Your girlfriend must feel like shit.

stephhrunsaway 21

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:06

God, won't people EVER learn to not have sex when the parents aren't home?? And even if they aren't home, they'll always come home an hour early.

LoveGuru69 0

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:13

this doesn't make any sense. did you mean don't have sex when parents are home?

annie_nk 22

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:27

Or unexpectedly between classes because his dad doesn't wanna use the tasty bathrooms at school. Happened to me.

mermaidcentaurs 9

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:28

I think you meant won't people learn to have sex when the parents aren't home. Or won't people learn to not have sex when the parents are home. You have a double negative in there.

laden_swallow09 34

Monday 3 September 2012 4:14

Am I the only one who noticed 34's use of "tasty"? Sickening, yet curiously hunger-inducing.

annie_nk 22

Monday 3 September 2012 8:05

LMAO!!! I meant nasty! No idea where tasty came from. LOL oh man I'm still laughing.

windfuelsfire 10

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:08

HHNNNNNNNNGGG-AAAAAAAAAAHH!!!! *turns super sayan*

jenniiienyc 5

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:10

How long did it take him to leave? I mean if the door is locked and I hear grunting or constipation noises, I assume it's occupied and come back later.

tnlander 20

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:10

Am I the only one wondering why they were having sex in the bathroom at her house?

LoveGuru69 0

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:15

yes you are the only one

KiddNYC1O 20

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:23

Bathroom sex is MARBLElous!

JJJJJakkkkeee 6

Sunday 2 September 2012 21:18

Yeah , I was kind of wondering .

melons 44

Monday 3 September 2012 19:39

Probably because it's the only room that has a lock on the door.

LiterOfCola 16

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:12

Don't lie. Those weren't constipation noises, you just sound like that when you're having sex.

Inapprehensible 11

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:12

Wait.... you were in the bathroom having sex with his daughter while the father was home? You've got big balls, OP. Hope you don't lose them when the father goes searching for his daughter.