Miscellaneous: Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonald's, I found out...

By Anonymous - 08/10/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonald's, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 884

You deserved it 7 980

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By bglenney - 15/08/2013 09:47 - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 938

You deserved it 4 190

PTSD

By I have Flashbacks Now - 10/11/2016 21:15 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 409

You deserved it 911

Go big or go home

By kinwar - 27/09/2021 07:01 - United States - Hamburg

Today, I sneezed and peed myself while working out at the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 126

AKA taking a screenshot

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 11:02 - United States - White Plains

Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 387

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 835

You deserved it 5 530

Faulty plumbing

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 111

Let it all out

By Anonymous - 25/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and some new clients when I sensed that I was about to sneeze. I tried to hold it in, but ended up sneezing AND farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 140

Too trusting

By Anonymous - 07/09/2023 08:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 185

By monkers - 06/10/2012 07:12 - Canada - Westlock

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 261

You deserved it 1 779

Procrastination

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 113

You deserved it 16 738

rainbowbabe_907 5

Saturday 8 October 2011 19:51

Damn, wish I could do that.

RoseCrystal 17

Saturday 8 October 2011 19:51

um.....well done?

Comments

MrIncredibleSME 3

Sunday 9 October 2011 5:31

Don't forget to include standing in line/ordering. That's 4(5?) Things!

sandyandellie 5

Sunday 9 October 2011 5:53

we all have our talents :)

happyabby123 0

Sunday 9 October 2011 5:55

I sure hope it was the drive thru...and how in the world did u manage to do that???

HeXr 22

Sunday 9 October 2011 6:01

If that's happening naturally, I don't think you should be eating McDonalds

cindylou27 3

Sunday 9 October 2011 6:06

oh, that was you? ..

MJJ5809 9

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:44

Disgusting speller

mandymula 0

Sunday 9 October 2011 6:13

Discusting animal...

TuteSweet 13

Sunday 9 October 2011 6:29

That's a good feeling.

LolLoree 0

Sunday 9 October 2011 6:29

This made my day

CalexisC123 0

Sunday 9 October 2011 6:30

Lmao (: very talented !!

Skittlepickle 13

Sunday 9 October 2011 6:30

Mcdonalds does that to you, pal...

Keywords

Love Cute Surprise My ex Texting Awkward Wanker Sex Intimacy Insomnia Health Sleep Mental health Cooking Food Kids Parents Weekend Miscellaneous Pranks Annoying Embarrassing Work Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Animals Cats

The Top

Today, after I spent a weekend at my boyfriend’s house, I came home to find the locks changed. My parents decided to change them because they “don’t need me slutting around under their roof.” My boyfriend lives 4 hours away and I have nothing but an overnight bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 133

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 861

You deserved it 61 757

The Top

Today, my boyfriend got me the awning I wanted for my terrace. Only he ordered it in the wrong material and the wrong size, figuring that anything similar was close enough. Now he's annoyed that he spent so much money and that I want to send it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 160

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 840

You deserved it 5 944

Today, I was following my friend to her house in my car, because I didn't know where it was. I'd been following her for at least an hour when she pulled into a gas station. Turns out I'd been following the wrong car. I have no idea where I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 821

You deserved it 10 661

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year-old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 648

You deserved it 2 900

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 282

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 454

You deserved it 7 659