Animals: Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided...

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 726

You deserved it 13 576

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 06:00

Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 198

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 323

You deserved it 7 652

By Rissa Warrington - 09/03/2012 08:30 - Canada

Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 836

You deserved it 4 708

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 522

Tasty snack

By spiderinmylips - 24/06/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 121

You deserved it 7 502

By yikes - 21/04/2012 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 156

You deserved it 3 776

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 5 238

Stained

By maddie94 - 27/04/2009 09:14 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 404

You deserved it 54 566

What even is that?

By git recked lul - 01/12/2023 06:00 - United States - Allen Park

Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 163

By lingadoo - 07/12/2012 05:46 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 066

You deserved it 4 850

zebraumicornz 6

Monday 5 November 2012 0:56

No f the spiders life for being an asswipe! Haha....no.......ok...

JustKittyKat 24

Monday 5 November 2012 0:59

I hope it didn't bite you in any intimate areas! D: I've gotten ant bites in bad places from sitting on the sidewalk near grass one time. You can't scratch that anywhere!

Comments

likeatoysoldier1 2

Monday 5 November 2012 4:53

sex offender!

calliefornia2 3

Monday 5 November 2012 5:15

At least it was dead....

zionjuggernext 3

Monday 5 November 2012 5:55

One of two reasons its dead one you're ass stinks and two your buns of steel workout video is working for you.

Miltonius 15

Monday 5 November 2012 5:55

No amount of showers will ever be enough.

kawaiichick 9

Monday 5 November 2012 6:27

Wasn't a radioactive spider now was it?

jujugoboom 4

Monday 5 November 2012 6:49

How the hell do you get a spider in your ass while taking a piss?

MlleMC_fml 19

Monday 5 November 2012 7:31

OP is a woman, so she has to pull down her pants and crouch to pee...

CharresBarkrey 15

Monday 5 November 2012 7:31

Girls have to sit down to pee, you know.

desertlovebird 11

Monday 5 November 2012 7:25

That just gave me the willies. Feeling so sorry for you OP.Now makes me think twice before dropping my drawers in the bushes.

doodlecloud 26

Monday 5 November 2012 10:10

Didn't you learn as a kid to pee BEFORE you leave the house so you don't get caught out half way through the journey? It's good that you apparently picked a more 'suitable' spot but I still think public urination is just so gross...