Intimacy: Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he...

FML for mobile
Free

By rochellamaya - 02/09/2011 12:47 - Canada

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 329

You deserved it 4 281

April Pisces: Traps and Laughs
Laugh at the best (and worst) April 1st jokes. Watch out, you could be next! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Meat

By tomedicalforlove - 21/02/2013 05:51

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 136

You deserved it 41 982

By therewasnocurtain - 06/04/2015 20:07 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 132

You deserved it 2 547

By starbird - 23/02/2009 19:40 - United States

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 098

You deserved it 10 634

By jons - 17/02/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 530

You deserved it 3 609

Hands-on

By poolgirl789 - 03/09/2013 06:30 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 786

You deserved it 4 754

By doodoobref - 31/07/2015 05:38 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 933

You deserved it 30 147

Wanker

By Anonymous - 30/03/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 558

You deserved it 4 570

By btswc - 21/05/2011 07:18 - United States

Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 136

You deserved it 9 738

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 495

You deserved it 4 574

Self-service

By Steve - 13/06/2012 21:30 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 816

You deserved it 17 113

RouletteRed 6

Friday 2 September 2011 18:51

He's builing up those arms! =D

iAmScrubs 19

Friday 2 September 2011 18:51

Wait for him to demonstrate the interpretive dance masturbation.

Comments

makenaaa 0

Friday 2 September 2011 22:44

If you're a nurse, then isn't that normal to hear?

pinkredneck30 2

Friday 2 September 2011 22:57

Classic!

Pufferfish78 5

Friday 2 September 2011 23:13

I'd use gloves when touching his sheets!

ReynieRockets 1

Friday 2 September 2011 23:41

can i have some techniques?

cypher83 0

Friday 2 September 2011 23:49

As a fellow medical field employee. I feel your pain.

KaelaKhaotic 5

Friday 2 September 2011 23:50

Did you get turned on?

andre5006 2

Friday 2 September 2011 23:59

I only know one technique you mind sharing?

ngarcia333 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 0:43

Really??? Try doing it with two rocks! That's the best for me

Raheemdplayer 7

Saturday 3 September 2011 0:14

Ugh, and if that was me, my brains would immediately have dirty images in my head that would haunt me the whole day. FYL

crw817 3

Saturday 3 September 2011 0:30

I don't see what the problem is, your a nurse.

sailorfreak_fml 4

Saturday 3 September 2011 2:23

we all know you wanted to ask ;]

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Embarrassing Work Farts Technology Health Relatable Family Awkward Love Death Miscellaneous Cops Teenagers Shopping Bosses Restaurants Kids Annoying Babysitter Friends Intimacy Parents Sex Birthday Mysterious Dreams Snoring Cute AITA Argument

The Top

Today, I’m so over my boyfriend smoking too many cigarettes, and I hate cigarettes. The smell is just disgusting and plus it makes my nose stuffy. And he gets ashes everywhere. Plus he always leaves his room a mess. Other than him being financially stable and fun, he's such a slob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 771

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 69

The Top

Today, I found out that this fall, I'll be living in a dorm with a communal bathroom, paying most of my way. My brother, a grade below me, will be living in a 2 bed 2 bath apartment, all expenses paid by my parents. Why? "It costs money to get rid of people” and “You can do school from home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 107

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 036

You deserved it 6 225

Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 438

You deserved it 2 837

Today, I was asked, "What do you want for Christmas?" so I sent a link to a personalized "Mama" sweatshirt with my kids' names on it. My mother-in-law is now wearing the sweater I sent, with "Grandma" on it with her grand-kids' names. The same personalized one I'd sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 115

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 082

You deserved it 5 048

Today, a guy who likes me a little too much, and who I asked to tone his advances down a little, sent me a message on Twitter, Facebook and by text message to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 416

You deserved it 1 044