Intimacy: Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he...

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By rochellamaya - 02/09/2011 12:47 - Canada

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 330

You deserved it 4 281

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Same thing different taste

Meat

By tomedicalforlove - 21/02/2013 05:51

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 136

You deserved it 41 983

By therewasnocurtain - 06/04/2015 20:07 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 133

You deserved it 2 548

By starbird - 23/02/2009 19:40 - United States

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 099

You deserved it 10 635

By jons - 17/02/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 536

You deserved it 3 610

Hands-on

By poolgirl789 - 03/09/2013 06:30 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 788

You deserved it 4 755

By doodoobref - 31/07/2015 05:38 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 934

You deserved it 30 148

Wanker

By Anonymous - 30/03/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 561

You deserved it 4 570

By btswc - 21/05/2011 07:18 - United States

Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 156

You deserved it 9 755

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 501

You deserved it 4 574

Self-service

By Steve - 13/06/2012 21:30 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 833

You deserved it 17 113

RouletteRed 6

Friday 2 September 2011 18:51

He's builing up those arms! =D

iAmScrubs 19

Friday 2 September 2011 18:51

Wait for him to demonstrate the interpretive dance masturbation.

Comments

chelseaaababyyy 17

Friday 2 September 2011 20:30

he can still get it up. good for him(:

rarememory 7

Friday 2 September 2011 20:33

Sounds to me like you got what you asked for! Be more specific next time YDI

zombiekitten87 12

Friday 2 September 2011 20:57

Well... You did ask..

sematariux 7

Friday 2 September 2011 21:12

Sounds like I have something to look forward to at that age

captainfalcon7 0

Friday 2 September 2011 21:29

That must take him awhile..

i_am_that_one 0

Friday 2 September 2011 21:51

"oh yeh, first I put my hand like this and, oh wait, can u come over here and help me with this..?"

bubo_fml 10

Friday 2 September 2011 21:53

Hands on demonstration?

whitedw 0

Friday 2 September 2011 22:26

excuse can u ask him to repeat technique number 2

perdix 29

Friday 2 September 2011 22:28

I'd bet you'd be impressed if he described his techniques fluently in a foreign language.

cash_monkey72 9

Friday 2 September 2011 22:28

What? It's still excersising.

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Miscellaneous Money Annoying Friends Shopping Awkward Embarrassing Love Dance Birthday Surprise Relatable Food Instagram Social Media Dogs Animals Cute Technology Work Sex Intimacy Kids Relationship advice Roommate Allergies Pranks Cats Parents Thief

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