Intimacy: Um… you what now? - FML

Um… you what now?

By intheairtonight - 25/04/2012 06:22 - United States - Minneapolis

Spicy

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 693

You deserved it 3 161

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Same thing different taste

By fuck - 16/12/2014 21:04 - Norway - Slemmestad

Spicy

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 540

You deserved it 37 396

By ummmmEW - 13/02/2010 00:04 - United States

Today, I was riding the bus. Suddenly, it appeared to start to snow inside the bus, and I assumed a window was open. When I looked up however, I discovered the girl in front of me putting her hair up in a ponytail. The so-called "snow" was coming off of her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 108

You deserved it 2 264

By gr8terevil - 02/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, the men clearing the walkway outside my dorm room with a snowblower didn't realize that my window was open. I looked over from my computer to see snow shooting in, covering my clock, closet, and radio. Now it's melting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 996

You deserved it 16 925

Jumpy

By Anonymous - 21/05/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was sitting at my college campus; there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 565

You deserved it 63 599

Incoherent mess

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 17:30 - United States - San Diego

Today, I'm super sick with a sinus infection and delirious from a lack of sleep and all the meds. When I walked into math class, a boy asked if he could sit next to me. In my head I tried to say, "This is college you have the freedom to sit anywhere you want." All that came out was, "Freedom… everywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 221

Good

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 06:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said, "Good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 440

You deserved it 38 254

By Hana - 23/03/2012 07:39 - Canada - York

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 114

You deserved it 5 990

Mystery

By Death_Arc_Angel - 22/01/2021 09:09 - Trinidad and Tobago - Fyzabad

Spicy

Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract herpes. I don't even know how I got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 173

By Teste - 15/07/2015 10:25 - Spain

Spicy

Today, I passed by a cute girl who was staring intensely at me. When I glanced in her direction, she smiled. Taking this as a positive sign, I approached her. Before I could say anything, she handed me a flyer explaining the benefits of STD testing. Apparently, I look like I need it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 725

You deserved it 3 673

By DopeDickDover - 26/10/2015 15:50 - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 379

You deserved it 2 577

Next

Top comments

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

Wednesday 25 April 2012 11:58

For some reason, I pictured Luna Lovegood saying it.

SephoraGypsy 15

Wednesday 25 April 2012 12:19

"There's herpes in the air today." *Awkard silence.* "I hope they have pudding." *Hops off ledge, skips away." Scene.

Comments

squigglyragdoll 1

Friday 25 July 2014 14:23

How the Hell did you manage to find Luna Lovegood

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 574

You deserved it 3 053

Today, I found out that my sister is one of those people who thought that "Obamacare" and "The Affordable Care Act" were two different things, and now my niece's health is no longer going to be covered due to upcoming cutbacks. Guess who my sister voted for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 144

The Top

Today, my pain-in-the-ass co-worker is finally leaving. Unfortunately, I was chosen to do the bulk of her job. She has given me no training and on her last day, just smirked at me on her way out and said, "Enjoy doing my job too, fucker." I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 898

You deserved it 1 902

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 693

You deserved it 6 828

Today, my family and I were checking into Dubai airport. I had already checked in and was waiting with my brother and sister near a pillar for my parents. I leaned on the pillar and hit my elbow on the fire alarm. A bunch of airport officials ran towards me and asked where the fire was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 695

You deserved it 14 609

Today, I wore a pair of glasses with no lenses because I thought I'd look smarter. I ended up poking myself in the eye several times, leaving it swollen. So much for making me look smarter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 647

You deserved it 56 645

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 182

You deserved it 2 141

Today, I got sent home from work after a customer's daughter kicked me in the balls because her order was wrong. She was 6 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 117