Intimacy: Um… you what now?

Um… you what now?

By intheairtonight - 25/04/2012 06:22 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 693

You deserved it 3 161

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Same thing different taste

By fuck - 16/12/2014 21:04 - Norway - Slemmestad

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 540

You deserved it 37 396

By ummmmEW - 13/02/2010 00:04 - United States

Today, I was riding the bus. Suddenly, it appeared to start to snow inside the bus, and I assumed a window was open. When I looked up however, I discovered the girl in front of me putting her hair up in a ponytail. The so-called "snow" was coming off of her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 108

You deserved it 2 264

By gr8terevil - 02/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, the men clearing the walkway outside my dorm room with a snowblower didn't realize that my window was open. I looked over from my computer to see snow shooting in, covering my clock, closet, and radio. Now it's melting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 996

You deserved it 16 925

Jumpy

By Anonymous - 21/05/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was sitting at my college campus; there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 565

You deserved it 63 599

Incoherent mess

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 17:30 - United States - San Diego

Today, I'm super sick with a sinus infection and delirious from a lack of sleep and all the meds. When I walked into math class, a boy asked if he could sit next to me. In my head I tried to say, "This is college you have the freedom to sit anywhere you want." All that came out was, "Freedom… everywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 221

Good

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said, "Good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 440

You deserved it 38 254

By Hana - 23/03/2012 07:39 - Canada - York

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 114

You deserved it 5 990

Mystery

By Death_Arc_Angel - 22/01/2021 09:09 - Trinidad and Tobago - Fyzabad

Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract herpes. I don't even know how I got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 173

By Teste - 15/07/2015 10:25 - Spain

Today, I passed by a cute girl who was staring intensely at me. When I glanced in her direction, she smiled. Taking this as a positive sign, I approached her. Before I could say anything, she handed me a flyer explaining the benefits of STD testing. Apparently, I look like I need it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 725

You deserved it 3 673

By DopeDickDover - 26/10/2015 15:50 - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 379

You deserved it 2 577

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

Wednesday 25 April 2012 11:58

For some reason, I pictured Luna Lovegood saying it.

SephoraGypsy 15

Wednesday 25 April 2012 12:19

"There's herpes in the air today." *Awkard silence.* "I hope they have pudding." *Hops off ledge, skips away." Scene.

Comments

VoodooDoll9 0

Thursday 26 April 2012 3:16

Can we say Luna Lovegood? I love that girl! Herpes and nargals, same thing really.

monkeygirl21 2

Thursday 26 April 2012 3:44

Might have mistaken it for happiness

MrLefty 8

Thursday 26 April 2012 3:47

Since when do you go to college with Luna Lovegood??

L_Lovegood 19

Thursday 26 April 2012 14:10

Silly you, Luna doesn't live in Minnesota! XD

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 26 April 2012 4:16

Well she must be desperate to say that to another girl...or she is a lesbian...

seeb49 7

Thursday 26 April 2012 5:25

I chose YDI just so that I could see there be 2222 FYLs and 222 YDIs. Sorry.

iranoutofnames 6

Thursday 26 April 2012 5:33

Wife her.

misskellixx 6

Thursday 26 April 2012 9:54

Wow what a pick up line!

hazardmuffin 21

Thursday 26 April 2012 10:03

YDI for thinking this is an FML moment. This girl sounds awesome XD

skittlesmeep 4

Thursday 26 April 2012 10:45

Don't breath her air... or something like that?

onorexveritas 23

Thursday 26 April 2012 17:44

loony lovegood

Keywords

Gross Poopoo peepee Cats Animals Awkward Smells Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Health Painful First Dates Work Christmas Grieving Social Media Music Anniversary Boredom Intimacy Abuse Ironic Alcohol AITA Transportation Am I overreacting? Drunk Kids Parents Gun control

The Top

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 786

You deserved it 22 717

Today, I finally got a product I ordered two weeks ago as a free trial-only pay shipping deal. Also today, the same company took an extra $130 out of my account without authorisation. Best part: when I called to sort things out, they told me they had no record of my order details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 069

You deserved it 643

The Top

Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 939

You deserved it 9 693

Today, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years still refuses to memorize my phone number or remember my birthday because he says there is a limited amount of space in his brain and he does not want to push any important information out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 279

You deserved it 6 810

Today, my mother asked me why her new airsoft gun wasn't working. I explained to her that it doesn't actually shoot air, it requires pellets too. She looked at me like I was too stupid to be her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 789

You deserved it 3 320

Today, I had to explain to my idiot son and his idiot girlfriend that an X does not mean negative when it’s on a pregnancy test; an X on a pregnancy test is actually a +, which means positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 127

Today, after years of being unable to work because of chronic illness, I finished my second week of a new job. I'm so utterly and completely wiped out, I don't know if I can continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 148

Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 345

You deserved it 2 879