"Wait dad I'm coming!

I see he's a morning person

Ask him to do that in the evening instead.

If your son is old enough to bash the bishop, he's old enough to get his lazy ass to school without you needing to drive him. This thing called a school bus, ya know? Or he can ride a bike or something.

Make the douche walk, or start walking in on him with a camera making kissy kissy baby talk like a home video. Also say its going to be copied for the whole family for Christmas.

your kid is awesome!

I do not even want to KNOW how you found out that he was beating it instead of getting ready. I just don't even want to know. The mental images are just overwhelming...

Oh puberty.

that's shitty but are you really that surprised? it's all human nature. maybe just tell him before bed is more pleasurable, whether it is or it isn't, and just maybe you'll get lucky and he'll change times. if no luck there, just tell him to change when he does it or you'll take all the damn doors off and he won't be able to do it at all. no reason for him to feel shamed and stop completely just need to make a minor adjustment in timing.

Duty calls...