Intimacy: Wankers of the world unite!

Wankers of the world unite!

By ari - 19/03/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, I found out why teenage boys have "Keep out" and "Please knock" signs on their bedroom doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 849

You deserved it 53 321

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Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By none - 28/02/2012 18:55 - United States

Today, I realized you should always knock on your parents' door before entering. Even at 6:30 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 938

You deserved it 35 371

By fluke - 19/09/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 831

You deserved it 45 979

By Devon - 03/09/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 070

You deserved it 5 043

Got money to throw around? Get into real estate

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 02:00

Today, I found out the sole reason my son insisted on buying the house he did is because he was told on the grapevine that one of his new neighbours is a hot 20-something who never closes her curtains to undress at night. I raised a perverted idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 12:00

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 568

You deserved it 577

Masters of mischief

By Anonymous - 18/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Salem

Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 144

By Not Amish FFS - 17/05/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had a fight about his parents. We're both 23-year-old university students who aren't allowed in his bedroom unless the door is completely open. Nothing he says to his parents will change this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 712

Fair warning

By Alwayshappens2me - 17/07/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, it doesn't mean your mom won't walk into your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 442

You deserved it 10 516

Get it on

By kmb04 - 02/08/2009 15:12 - Canada

Today, after a great night of sexual ecstacy, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year-old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night, he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 382

You deserved it 34 306

By helloimkylieee - 25/01/2016 01:04 - United States - Tracy

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 780

You deserved it 1 558

jmu2011 6

Monday 19 March 2012 12:05

*fap fap fap fap fap*

ghostlilac 25

Monday 19 March 2012 12:09

Did you not see the "hardcore ****" FML from earlier? :P

Comments

chitown23 4

Monday 19 March 2012 18:05

He was having a workout with Jill

pinkpixie06 11

Monday 19 March 2012 18:22

So you don't interrupt his video game, right??

Birdie_Sage 0

Monday 19 March 2012 18:24

You're slow... Buut your kids are very clever... Very very very clever.

kmt12890 5

Monday 19 March 2012 18:24

Get your own place. Problem solved.

kenzie101 6

Monday 19 March 2012 20:17

Omg! It could only get worse if he was doing it with himself!

JustHayden 5

Monday 19 March 2012 20:24

Someone's a blonde

zebralover23 14

Monday 19 March 2012 20:37

That's what you get for not kNocking

ChubbyNicki 6

Monday 19 March 2012 20:39

Skeet skeet.

tfb4u 8

Monday 19 March 2012 20:51

Guess you'll respect his privacy next time.

bubo_fml 10

Monday 19 March 2012 21:30

Replace his signs w/ those big yellow road caution signs that say, "Slippery When Wet."

Keywords

Miscellaneous Shopping Parenting Jealousy Social Media Love AITA Am I overreacting? Kids Friends Dogs Pranks Housework Relatable Embarrassing Work Awkward Transportation Cars Health Sports Accident Mental health Family Annoying Intimacy Sex Coworkers Poopoo peepee Dentist

The Top

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 349

You deserved it 8 250

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 6 718

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 943

You deserved it 2 919

Today, my brand new iPhone 4 was stolen from my bag. I asked the bartender if anyone had handed it in. I soon found out that while I was talking to her, someone swiped my wallet from the bag too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 736

You deserved it 8 309

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 656

You deserved it 121 642

Today, after close to 10 years of marriage, my wife’s health has improved enough she is craving sex again. Just not with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 126

Today, at work, it was so windy that it started taking the door off its hinges. The door now won't close all the way. I can't leave until someone comes to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 735

You deserved it 360

Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 420

You deserved it 96 265