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By Brenden - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Massillon

Spicy
Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML
I agree, your life sucks 43 941
You deserved it 7 301

Top comments

That has to be the weirdest new neighbor offer/introduction that I have ever heard.

Comments

MoronsAccount1 12

I'm going to be honest, I've never heard of a neighbor being so kind that they would mow someone's grass out of pure kindness. Don't lie, man. You know you wanted some of that ass.

tenfiftynine 12

When I moved in my neighbor mowed my lawn for a good ten years. He just wanted to be nice. I didn't make him all the work we'd split. He also shoveled my driveway and sidewalk. So it's not that strange of offer.

Actually my neighbor has mowed my grass and offered to begin with when he first moved in. Just country folk that had a bad turn with the economy and lost everything and had to move into the city. I am also disabled.

Wealthyparrot 9

So... how does "she was fairly young" lead to "I'll mow her lawn!" For that matter, who offers to mow peoples lawns for free. Sounds like a sexual come on to me. YDI

suboy 10

If they just moved in its possible he may have already been cutting the grass along with his. He might just be used to it.

I mowed the lawn from about 7-8 years of age, and it went totally fine. How young was she you say?

Beware the over-protective father is at large

I am an over protective father to a little girl. I took a preventative measure however and have been storing evidence in the form of photographs, videos etc all categorized under 'Boyfriend Repellent', The contents of which are, frankly, shameful. To be used only in cases of severe dissaproval of daughters partner choice. ;D

Ah hah.. My dads overprotective too. Pretty much what you just described except I'm not a little girl..

perdix 29

#20, ah, a n00b. I'm an overprotective father of a teenage girl. When there is a boy I need to get rid of, I tell my daughter how great he is, how I look forward to him being my son-in-law and would like to hang out with him and watch sports and drink beer. The guy gets dumped faster than radioactive dogshit.

Haha, perdix's methode is far more advanced and subtle. Because quite honestly, stalking your daughters boyfriend is pathetic. Then again, I am no father yet.

perdix 29

#42, good save. Wait until you're a dad to weigh in on the topic. When you have a son, you have to worry about one penis, but when you have a daughter, you have to worry about ALL of them!

Where did I say id stalk the boyfriend? Anyway, i'm sure the method perdix mentions works, I just like having a collection of highly embarrassing material on hand. It will certainly come in useful :D I've never been called a noob in,regards to parenting before. I am an always learning parent, so technically you are correct but the lingo doesn't fit the message. "noob parent." Maybe its just me.

I always liked Charles Barkley's response when asked how he planned on handling the boyfriend situation when his daughters hit dating age. He said he planned to be sitting in the living room cleaning his gun collection whenever a boy came over. He figured the sight of a large Black man with a gun would keep them on the straight and narrow.

#43, That I totally agree with. I have a boy too, I don't dread his dating years in the same way, haha

TheDrifter 23

I've got three daughters, triplets. I had to go all out to keep the boys away. Scaring them works well, but if they make it past that, being extra friendly will usually get them dumped. No holds barred, if she won't dump him because I like him, I'll flirt with him, then show him my duct tape and rope collection, never failed yet.

Mums flirting with daughters partners? Whilst I respect the level of malevolence and deviousness you are prepared to employ for the 'sake of your daughter' that is a line I do hope my wife never dares to cross!

That's what happens in twilight lol #46

TheDrifter 23

55, I'm their father. That technique might be significantly less frightening if their 5 foot tall mother used it.

RedPillSucks 31

Some guys might be turned on by the duct tape and rope collection

It never even crossed my mind you were the father, haha. I have no excuse for that. It is infinitely more brilliant this way round. I imagine any teenage boy will be terrified of his girlfriends dads '**** me' eyes!

Admit it, you probably did want a piece of ass. She was probably an attractive young woman and you wanted to make her think highly of you. If it was an ugly woman the same offer probably would not have been put on the table.

So true! He'll I'd even offer to buy her a drink. Is that ok to do in the front yard at a first meeting?

Oh lordy, I'm getting old. It took me a few minutes to get it. Goodness gracious...

Lets be honest here, if the neighbour had been a young guy would you have offered to cut their grass? I don't think so. You thought with your dick and now don't try play the victim here.

Some of us were brought up to help females, open doors for them, carry their bags etc. It's disgusting really, isn't it?

I think you are confusing women with old people #29. I may hold a door open to allow a women in first, that's about all though.

monnanon 13

its courtosy to help anyone not just us poor feeble minded weak females. holding the door open is just being nice but carrying a random persons bags might not be looked upon kindly.

Am I the only person who understands that female is not a noun? Say woman, dude!

My point was that it is demeaning to offer help to a woman on the sole basis that she is female. I would hold a door as a matter of courtesy for many people, it's not demeaning. It's common courtesy. Taking the shopping because someone is a woman is totally demeaning because it suggests that they cannot manage. I would offer this to the elderly because most of the time they can't manage, are not ashamed and genuinely grateful of a little respect and help.

I'm fully aware that a lady is capable of opening the door for herself, and in my experience it has always been taken the right way.

How young is fairly young? DAd might have a point.

So much for being nice these days. No one can be good natured without having their motives questioned. Furthermore if the girl is old enough to live on her own she's old enough to make her own choises for a partner.

So if she wasn't young you wouldn't mow her lawn?