Intimacy: Whispers

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Whispers

By SimpleSimon - 01/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 350

You deserved it 19 756

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 797

You deserved it 10 569

Considerate

By BadLuckLad - 22/10/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 408

You deserved it 3 891

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 164

You deserved it 3 380

By fuck russia and fuck georgia too - 09/03/2014 18:38 - Azerbaijan

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 032

You deserved it 10 373

By je suis christy - 09/01/2015 19:04 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 970

You deserved it 3 148

Pet detective

By badluckdrew - 01/05/2009 14:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 642

You deserved it 20 678

By hopeless - 08/07/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 402

You deserved it 4 289

You sad man

By Anonymous - 13/02/2020 19:00

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 7 061

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 229

You deserved it 26 162

By that1guy - 14/03/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who I've been dating for over a year, was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. That's when I saw she'd packed 10 condoms with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116 019

You deserved it 6 329

Deeno15 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 9:46

i don't know one man/guy that doesn't **********

dyld921 2

Wednesday 1 July 2009 9:46

Couldn't you just **** into tissue papers?

Comments

Inked2009 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 13:19

YDI for not using protection while having sex/hiding it from your girlfriend.

Some___Guy 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 13:22

How about "I'll call you back in 1 minute," and go somewhere else to talk.

grapenutsrbt 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 13:48

Use condoms when you f**k her too, moron.

fretforyerlatte 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 14:07

people who are getting some still **********. his girl can't always be at home when the mood strikes, or perhaps she was on her period and he's not into that kind of thing. it's really not a big deal.

fantasyflamz 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 21:52

I agree, even girls do it. I mean, I'm in a committed relationship, but I still ********** sometime because he's not there and I feel horny. It's not about the other person not "giving you what you need" or anything, it's just that they're not around. Of course, if you choose masturbation over sex, then you have a problem.

AntiChrist7 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 14:52

tissues anyone? You're an idiot. Use tissues instead of spending money on condoms.

godyourethick 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 15:15

The hell were you thinking? I mean, wanking into condoms, fair enough, whatever floats your boat, but leaving them lying around where your girlfriend is likely to find them? YDI for not thinking.

SimpleSimon 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 18:26

In the bin at MY house? Not OUR house, my house. I didn't really expect her to wake up and go on a cleaning frenzy while I was out.

plexico 3

Wednesday 1 July 2009 15:25

You should have used the excuse I wrote a few days ago: you wear the condom all the time to keep your penis skin from chapping. Anyway, you can say you had the condoms in case she forgets her pill one day. I used to have a gf that would do that and it pissed me off. I thought a great benefit of an exclusive relationship was the ability to ride bareback. Condoms are for ******* strangers.

sun_babe 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 16:14

You should ALWAYS use a condom. DUMB ASS.

Books4Me 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 16:30

His girl can't always be there when he wants some? It feels different? You know what you want better then anyone? You want to show your SO how to do it right? There's lots of reasons....