Intimacy: Whispers

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Whispers

By SimpleSimon - 01/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 348

You deserved it 19 756

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 788

You deserved it 10 569

Considerate

By BadLuckLad - 22/10/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 406

You deserved it 3 891

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 161

You deserved it 3 380

By fuck russia and fuck georgia too - 09/03/2014 18:38 - Azerbaijan

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 030

You deserved it 10 372

By je suis christy - 09/01/2015 19:04 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 969

You deserved it 3 148

Pet detective

By badluckdrew - 01/05/2009 14:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 641

You deserved it 20 678

By hopeless - 08/07/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 399

You deserved it 4 289

You sad man

By Anonymous - 13/02/2020 19:00

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 7 060

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 229

You deserved it 26 162

By that1guy - 14/03/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who I've been dating for over a year, was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. That's when I saw she'd packed 10 condoms with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116 018

You deserved it 6 328

Deeno15 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 9:46

i don't know one man/guy that doesn't **********

dyld921 2

Wednesday 1 July 2009 9:46

Couldn't you just **** into tissue papers?

Comments

thissucksmajorly 0

Thursday 2 July 2009 5:04

you should always use a condom. unless you are TRYING to get her pregnant that is. YDI.

dinosaurzombie 14

Thursday 20 December 2012 1:23

He already said that she can't get pregnant...

charmander2354 0

Thursday 2 July 2009 5:56

i can understand not using condoms for sex because it lessens the feeling, whatever, your risk. and i can understand using them for masturbation because you don't want to make a mess. but why, why would you not use them for sex and use them for masturbation? doesn't it lessen the feeling when you jack off anyway?

SunshinePants 0

Thursday 2 July 2009 6:21

Just because he doesn't use a condom when having sex doesn't mean he's trying to get her pregnant. Most sexually active women are on birth control, unless they're trying to get pregnant. And most sexually active men get tested. How do you know that they weren't trying to get pregnant? Maybe they wanted a baby. Stop being so judgemental.

doof_fisch 2

Thursday 2 July 2009 8:23

Tell her you were hiding them for your best friend.

sarahvalasco 0

Thursday 2 July 2009 11:03

think of it this way you're lucky in the way that you have a relationship worthy of publically humilating yourself

SimpleSimon 0

Friday 3 July 2009 14:04

Yes, yes I am afraid of catching swine flu in my urethra, rather than any of the other explanations I've already cited.

Alexxas_fml 0

Friday 3 July 2009 20:35

#64, did it ever occur to you that some people are virgins? My boyfriend was a virgin when I met him >:) Also the pill is 99% effective, for the record. As for the OP, I'm not really sure why you'd ********** with a condom when you can clean up the mess in other ways but that sucks.

Alexxas_fml 0

Friday 3 July 2009 20:37

#72, Completely agree. As long as you're emotionally and financially stable enough to deal with the consequences, I don't see why everyone feels the need to tell other people what to do with their personal lives.

Hjelloo 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 6:33

YDI for not using condoms. You're stupid, your girlfriend is stupid, and this world really can't afford more stupidity.

dramakat11 0

Wednesday 8 July 2009 5:35

If they got tested for STDs before having sex and the girl is on the pill there is no problem with not using condoms. Dude, condoms TOTALLY SUCK! They dull the pleasure. For people into casually hooking up condoms are the way to go but I say in serious relationships there's no need. My bf and I got tested and I'm on the pill and we NEVER use condoms. We are not idiots. We've had sex daily for almost 2 years and I've never gotten pregnant. With any method of birth control there is still a small chance of getting pregnant...You wouldn't look down on a couple for using condoms but not the pill so stfu. One form of birth control is plenty.