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By SimpleSimon - 01/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Spicy
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks 47 355
You deserved it 19 760

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Deeno15 0

i don't know one man/guy that doesn't **********

Couldn't you just **** into tissue papers?

Comments

deja54 0

There are many reasons why one would ********** with a girlfriend. All personal reasons. Girls may want to be everything to complete a dude's life, but they aren't realistic.

lol that sucks you have to ********** when your gf is (living?) with you.....i'm assuming since she was in the bed. or at least might be at your place a lot. hahaha sucks you're not even attracted to her or she doesn't give you any ass.

mcsnelly 5

Wow, you're retarded. Lots of people still ********** sometimes when they're in a relationship. It doesn't mean that the person isn't attracted to their SO or that they don't give them any. How about the gf/bf isn't around? Or not in the mood?

Wow, all these comments and no one's mentioned there's been a joke to this effect floating around for quite some time. The Missing Condoms A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to burn some rubber. When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, "What happened to the other five condoms?" His nervous reply was, "Er, I masturbated with them." Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, "Have you ever done that?" "Yeah, once or twice," he told her. "You mean you’ve actually masturbated with a condom before?" she asked. "Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I’d ever lied to my girlfriend."

That was actually funny. I hope the OP's girlfriend doesn't read FML.

Julietiloveyou 0

Well don't be two embarrsed. TONS of guys jack off. I asked every boyfriend I've dated if they do that and they all said yes.... That's a lot. Hopefully the girl belived you. I would. :)

Cowgirl_ky12 0

Wow!! That sucks!! Can i ask why condoms and not tissues??

alice_hmph 0

You poor man. Humiliated for taking the extra step to not leave a mess. To any other woman, you'd be a blessing xD

YDI for not using condoms w/ur girlfriend.

mmm why the **** do you ********** with condoms?