Intimacy: Whispers

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Whispers

By SimpleSimon - 01/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 349

You deserved it 19 756

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 790

You deserved it 10 569

Considerate

By BadLuckLad - 22/10/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 407

You deserved it 3 891

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 162

You deserved it 3 380

By fuck russia and fuck georgia too - 09/03/2014 18:38 - Azerbaijan

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 031

You deserved it 10 372

By je suis christy - 09/01/2015 19:04 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 969

You deserved it 3 148

Pet detective

By badluckdrew - 01/05/2009 14:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 641

You deserved it 20 678

By hopeless - 08/07/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 401

You deserved it 4 289

You sad man

By Anonymous - 13/02/2020 19:00

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 7 061

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 229

You deserved it 26 162

By that1guy - 14/03/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who I've been dating for over a year, was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. That's when I saw she'd packed 10 condoms with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116 018

You deserved it 6 328

Deeno15 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 9:46

i don't know one man/guy that doesn't **********

dyld921 2

Wednesday 1 July 2009 9:46

Couldn't you just **** into tissue papers?

Comments

EpicFishFingers 0

Monday 6 July 2009 0:05

Lol, I do that. I get them free on the C-Card scheme Posh wanks FTW!

dramakat11 0

Wednesday 8 July 2009 5:31

I totally would not believe that and I would still think you were cheating on me. What a waste of money...

ivals 3

Saturday 11 July 2009 0:55

condoms are cheap stupid, you might even get them free

epicFAIL_Sometim 0

Wednesday 8 July 2009 5:56

Okay people, shut up about him jacking off with a condom and not with his girlfriend! He's made it perfectly clear that he (and his girlfriend) are willing to accept the consequenses if the implant should happen to fail. And he was using LEFTOVER condoms. He doesn't go out and buy some just to **********, so stop calling him stupid. And maybe he likes the feel of a condom, so what. Why must he be criticized for living HIS life. Sheesh... Hmm... I think I might have over done it a little...

DontBeAWhore 0

Wednesday 15 July 2009 2:14

Friction burns hurt so ****** bad x( i should know

penisface69 17

Friday 24 July 2009 6:14

i think masturbating with a condom kinda feels nice.

matticus27 14

Thursday 22 October 2009 5:28

OP has commented numerous times clearing up everyones misconceptions n u still rag on him. besides i dont use a condom n im still not a parent

Rebelwitotapause 0

Tuesday 13 April 2010 7:05

hmm you use them to "**********" right and whose undies r these?

FUGYU 2

Sunday 20 February 2011 14:06

99% of men above the age of 12 ********** as a habit

yuggi1 11

Tuesday 12 April 2011 22:14

YDI for cheating on your Gf. Who masturbates with a condom on? Your story is pure rubbish. Not only will the condom disrupt your pleasure, but you might develop an allergic reaction to latex. So I'm just going to denounce you a *****. :P

jjnotantibi 2

Tuesday 21 June 2011 8:57

You ppl need to leave him alone. He's cleared up everyone's assumptions, quit hating cuz he's getting intimate with his girl. Its all just a misunderstanding on his girl's part