Cats, Painful, Scary and Animals: Worst enemy

Worst enemy

By vitalcheese - 20/05/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 178

You deserved it 8 221

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Same thing different taste

By ihatecats - 01/12/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 176

You deserved it 16 610

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 228

Never disrespect the cat

By Rafiki - 22/02/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 280

You deserved it 31 826

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 095

You deserved it 3 061

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 797

You deserved it 12 917

Stuck in the middle

By Mark - 20/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 696

You deserved it 568

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 500

By ouch - 26/03/2011 02:27

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 217

You deserved it 5 457

By not as scarred as he should be - 18/10/2012 18:19 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 764

You deserved it 3 342

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 575

Funnybunny_fml 3

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:19

i really hope your a guy and that sucks i have a rabbit with really long nails and likes to bite.

paperfox_fml 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:30

#7, you're a twat. Cats have claws, if you don't like it then don't buy a ******* cat. You know, declawing is considered so cruel that it's illegal in the UK and several other European countries. If you genuinely believe it's a minor surgery that causes no suffering and is even remotely justifiable you may wish to do a spot of constructive googling on the matter. -.-

Comments

alewiina 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 8:17

Yuck, I know how much that hurts. My cats have gouged me so deep when they've gotten spooked that the wounds had bruises around them.

that_guy_you_are 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 8:39

Throw that ****** cat ina dumpsta. I hats cat. Also, YDI for walking around without a shirt, ya *****.

C_Wicked27 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 10:56

I dunno, this is probably because I've owned cats my entire life... but I don't see how this is an FML. Getting clawed is one of those things that kind of comes with the territory.

Go_Home 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 12:22

Oh goodie. Hope you're okay now :) Cats fear vacuum cleaners like crap. I used to have one, and yeah.

Shalalalalala 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 15:54

My evil cousin hates me and so asked me to hold her cat for a second, then kicked over a chair in the hope it would scratch my face (she is jealous because she is fugly and dumb and I am ok looking and in AP classes) but it just left a massive scar on my shoulder.

sarenalove 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 22:03

Wow....#30?? Are you insane? haha. 6 legged cat? And yer cat usually has 8 legs?? You know it's not insects and spiders we're talking bout here rite?? Lol.

outoftheblue16 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 22:28

Lol, well, if anyone asks, just tell em that you met Edward Cullen and you took a liking to each other :]

DaFluffyGoldfish 0

Friday 22 May 2009 2:06

@7: declawing is baaaaaaad. http://www.declawing.com/

hola1234 0

Friday 22 May 2009 4:22

this could work out, go to a beach, and when girls ask you how it happend, explain how you work at a zoo and two exotic tigers got in a fight, and to keep them from killing each other, you had to jump in and break up the fight. trust me ;)