Intimacy: You have been warned

You have been warned

By PUA - 15/03/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 332

You deserved it 6 601

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By thisisavirus.exe - 31/12/2013 20:57 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 208

You deserved it 5 549

Meet the in-laws

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 19:59

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 403

By quit fucking up my life - 23/11/2013 01:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 658

You deserved it 4 922

By daniel55 - 18/02/2013 00:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 390

You deserved it 5 869

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 09:24 - Australia

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 761

You deserved it 6 945

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 699

You deserved it 5 699

Thousand-yard stare

By timiscuous - 20/04/2020 20:00 - New Zealand

Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 816

You deserved it 282

By pdub523 - 27/01/2013 05:57 - United States - Longview

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 193

You deserved it 3 814

Love and threats

By soontobedumped - 15/01/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 882

You deserved it 4 880

By TronCat8230 - 20/05/2017 12:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 077

You deserved it 2 165

Trembelwick 5

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:02

Ex-Marine used Slash on the wild enemy Boyfriend! It was super effective!

xii_clueless 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:03

Oh the joy of fatherly love ;]

Comments

Charle0555 4

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:31

Or he could call the cops and have her father arrested for threatening to harm him

AAHHHHH 19

Thursday 16 March 2017 0:24

Why is this so hated. My health and safety is more important than a girl I barely know

imaghostbusteryo 1

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:36

I like his parenting skills.

TheZee 12

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:38

29 - WTF 0.0... The man is just looking out for his daughter, charging and suing people isn't the answer to everything -_-!

johnsonj91 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:39

No such thing as an Ex-marine, once a Marine always a Marine

mdtdnb 7

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:40

If he's a Marine, the knife will do fine in a gun fight.

deadman93 7

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:41

yes the guy got threatend but mostly we do it for the fun. he wont hurt the kid but my make him think in the future. calling the cops would be to far... and yes ive been threatend too. her dad had a 20 guage and im a fearless guy but then her mom got ahold of it...

InkedPrincess 5

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:42

bahahaha that's the best dad EVER! sorry about your bad luck though. just don't be a Dick and you won't lose yours.... Haha

DirtyMike911 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:43

Why did the super douche with no shirt comment on an FML?

PicklesMcRaptor 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:44

Just don't break her heart and you'll be fine (: Maybe if she loses interest and she breaks up with you, you'll be out of that situation with your junk.

beast_adh4 6

Friday 16 March 2012 8:34

i agree 40 it what happend to me my friends said if i hurt my friend i was screwed she lost interest so i was safe

shakespearelove 6

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:44

Dont you just love it when a father goes all psycho on his daughters bf's? my dad does that to me all the time -.- FYL, OP.

sweetzombie88 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 10:30

No not f his life. Trust me I know from experience if you're father... Or even any family member never really cared about you you'd wish you had one who cared that much for you and was protective. I'd have probably been hurt much less than I have if that woulda been the case.