Health: Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say... - FML

By RightInTheFace - 12/09/2015 16:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 574

You deserved it 1 901

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 22/01/2014 00:55 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 367

You deserved it 6 203

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 969

You deserved it 12 162

Night terrors

By scared shitless - 24/06/2020 08:02

Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 343

By laundry day again... - 08/09/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 729

You deserved it 3 538

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 037

You deserved it 3 380

Ouch!

By P0wned - 29/09/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 972

You deserved it 5 273

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 00:36 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 677

You deserved it 3 099

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 817

You deserved it 7 802

By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 717

You deserved it 880

By nahalDZ - 20/10/2012 17:29 - Germany - K?ln

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 486

You deserved it 5 327

Next

Top comments

thatnakedguy 17

Sunday 13 September 2015 12:31

No punchline?

Cads1 24

Sunday 13 September 2015 12:37

I am sure you did some thing to upset her in her dreams.

Comments

thatnakedguy 17

Sunday 13 September 2015 12:31

No punchline?

pdp_fml 21

Sunday 13 September 2015 12:33

Try to put a boxing glove on her hand.

hasooon 24

Sunday 13 September 2015 12:36

No body gets a way punching me. I would defiantly punch her back. Just kidding, Insure her safety. keep safe sleeping environment, free of harmful or sharp objects. Lock door and windows.

MidnaLink 33

Sunday 13 September 2015 17:08

*Definitely*

spatula232 25

Sunday 13 September 2015 22:35

*Ensure

Cads1 24

Sunday 13 September 2015 12:37

I am sure you did some thing to upset her in her dreams.

WCARlover 34

Sunday 13 September 2015 12:41

Sleep in full body armour from now on; it's the only solution.

morgball10 4

Sunday 13 September 2015 12:41

She claims she is "sleep punching", have you made her mad lately?

pooldude 24

Sunday 13 September 2015 12:56

While a sensible man in this position would comfort his girlfriend and probably take her to a sleep clinic, i would probably record her at night and send the video on AFV or post it on YouTube...

Rasdf 10

Sunday 13 September 2015 13:06

Hope she hits harder than Cena atleast.

Lalala579121 27

Sunday 13 September 2015 14:14

Next time she does it get your phone ready and just as she punches you play the "and his name is John Cena!" thing really loud.

Miss_Chevious 37

Sunday 13 September 2015 13:07

Am I the only one wondering who she punched in the dream?

Redoxx_fml 22

Sunday 13 September 2015 13:12

Everybody was kungfu fighting

derangedplanet 23

Sunday 13 September 2015 16:05

was the punch as fast lightening?

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The Top

Today, I took my kids to our local swimming pool. When we arrived, there were several cop cars parked outside and a group of officers interrogating a creepy, haggard-looking old man who was in handcuffs on the bench. As we got closer, I realized the man was my ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 141

Today, I had to finally give my boyfriend an ultimatum. Either he at least trims his giant mass of unruly pubes or no more sex. I feel I have no choice since his huge bush has left friction burns on my face and down below. He doesn’t see the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 273

The Top

Today, two days before Christmas, my pyromaniac family brought out the Christmas Bad Idea. It's a delicately-carved tower that spins. The spin power is provided by about twelve lit candles. The entire thing is made of wood. It's raining to the point of flooding outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 165

Today, I had to meet my mother. Being a college student, I decided I was too lazy to shave this morning. She noticed the stubble on my face, and started crying because I'm growing up. I'm 23 years-old. My dad yelled at me for making my mom cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 913

You deserved it 3 487

Today, I went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate my boyfriend's and my new apartment. He was there shopping with his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 955

You deserved it 5 111

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for the past 7 months, who insisted on keeping us a secret because it was "too soon", is proudly showing off his new 19 year old girlfriend he met a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 381

You deserved it 6 196

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing, "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 058

You deserved it 2 749

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 201

You deserved it 3 019