health

FML is open 24/7 for you

By Anonymous - 18/12/2023 05:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, it’s been about two and a half months since I entered into a severe, borderline suicidal depressive episode. My psychiatrist prescribed a new antidepressant to go with my mood stabilizer, but it will take up to a month to kick in. Looks like it’s gonna be a blue Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 138

Come back here!

By distraughtoverdelivery - 17/12/2023 13:00 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I was expecting to receive a package in the mail as I can only shop online given my current physical condition. A notification informed me the parcel failed to deliver and now it's available for pickup at the warehouse, which is 5 miles away. A long way on crutches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 130

Get well soon

By BigAssSwagBear - 17/12/2023 06:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was told I have a tumor in my brain and require surgery. This all came about due to having a MRI for my migraines and then finding it. The kicker? They're positive the tumor isn’t playing any role in the migraines. I'm now struggling to cope and pass grad school exams with this weight in me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 86

Long ass

By Anonymous - 16/12/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I went to the market and I was stuck in a long ass line for 10-15 minutes. To make things worse, in front of me was a guy bending down with his buttcrack all the way out. I couldn't eat anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 213

Such a rush

By Embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 352

You deserved it 47 614

Policy of truth

By You asked… - 16/12/2023 09:00 - United States - Granby

Today, my friend asked me to tell her the truth why she’s single and friendless except for me. I answered honestly and told her it’s because she’s so negative it drives people away, and it doesn’t help that she’s got bad BO and is morbidly obese. Now she won’t talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 214

Deez nuts

By needtoscratch - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 387

You deserved it 1 845

Life's what you make it

By Chanelle - 14/12/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I realized that I’m undateable because of my weight. I’m 33. My entire life, I’ve always been dated in secret, guys went out with me to make fun of me behind my back, always got cheated on, always get friendzoned, etc. It’s not fair that I have to change my body type to get my chance at happily ever after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 848

Liquid fun

By Anonymous - 14/12/2023 08:00 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I'm feeling so lonely and miserable that I started adding a few drops of whiskey to my coffee, just to make all those shitty thoughts disappear for a moment. I know that it won't really help and I need therapy, but I can't afford it right now. On the other hand, it seems that I don't really care anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 173

Watch out!

By FlyLikeABird - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 903

You deserved it 4 446

Turn that frown upside down

By sdfg - 12/12/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I was written up at work for not smiling. It’s winter, therefore smiling will cause my lips to crack and bleed. I drink 8 glasses of water a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 154

Welcome!

By Anonymous - 12/12/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I moved into my first house and realised pretty quick that my estate agent lied to me about how great this neighbourhood was. I was in the house for 30 minutes when I heard the neighbours having a screaming domestic in their garden, then a brick flew over the fence and broke my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 124

Broke boy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 453

You deserved it 3 869

First class slob

By Anonymous - 11/12/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband admitting that he doesn’t wash his hands after having diarrhea. I had no prior knowledge of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 101

Night time entertainment

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 282

You deserved it 433

Inspiring

By indierocklove - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 746

You deserved it 8 946

Lesson learned

By Anonymous - 10/12/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst showing my kids how to replace a light bulb safely, I gave myself and electric shock, and dropped the bulb. Twice in a row. In hindsight I should have let my husband do all the DIY-based educating, since I now have a glass shard in my big toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 599

Cool new look

By Anonymous - 10/12/2023 09:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I decided to try a new hair removal cream. Turns out, I'm allergic to it. My face now looks like a tomato with eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 139

Fitness is overrated

By Frankie says relax - 10/12/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. As I was on the treadmill, I accidentally hit the emergency stop button. In my attempt to play it cool, I tried to pretend it was intentional and yelled, "I've reached my fitness goal for the day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 684

Healthcare scandal

By itsjustnotfair - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dentist asked me about my fillings, so I told him that when I was younger, I had 2 cavities. He replied, "No you didn't. I just looked at your x-rays." Turns out my old dentist ripped me off. I never needed fillings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 964

You deserved it 2 635

Overzealous milkers

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, most of my immediate family do nothing but criticise me for not breastfeeding. My mom even threatened to call CPS for child abuse, no matter how many times I explain I physically don’t produce milk, and formula feeding is literally my only option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 133

Date night

By So much for a friendship - 08/12/2023 13:00 - Israel

Today, I'm in hospital after a bad accident. An old friend of mine came to my ward, looked around, and asked if I needed any help. I asked him to stay and talk a bit, because we haven't seen each other since his wedding. He said, "Nah bro, I gotta go, or my wife will kill me. We're planning a sex night, by the way", and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 180

Healing

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Neptune City

Today, after dealing with a monstrously painful canker sore for the last two weeks, it finally healed up. I was so relieved that I went out to lunch… and immediately stabbed myself in the gums with a tortilla chip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 154

Mucus factory

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus, or blowing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 852

You deserved it 3 145

Tough choices

By Anonymous - 05/12/2023 20:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I was told by my doctor that I could keep taking my Rheumatoid Arthritis meds and be severely depressed, or go off of them, possibly not be depressed, but be in extreme pain. I’m deciding between my mental health and physical health and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 104

Heavy lifting

By Anonymous - 04/12/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised I may have a drinking problem when the recycling bin was due to go out and I physically couldn’t move the bin. I thought my kids might have put a rock in there but no, it was weighed down by the sheer weight of two weeks worth of wine bottles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 783

Bored

By letmeinplease - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill enough to just take the day off anyway, all so there could be "someone to answer the phone." The phone didn't ring once all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 726

You deserved it 3 013

Wake up Boo

By Anon - 03/12/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, I set an elaborate alarm system to wake up early. I woke up to the soothing sounds of birds chirping, only to discover that I had accidentally set my ringtone to bird noises instead of an actual alarm. I missed my morning meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 525

Glory days

By Anonymous - 03/12/2023 10:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend will only have sex when she's on her period, because it's the only time she gets horny. She also gets body acne, bloating, and utterly foul BO and gas. The sex is so unpleasant, I'm starting to wish she just got cranky and emotional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 205

Tooth hurty, get it?

By Anonymous - 03/12/2023 10:00

Today, acting like a responsible, proactive adult and make a dentist appointment. The receptionist asked if I was available at 2:30. I replied, "Sorry, can we do 2:31? I've got a meeting." She didn't find it as funny as I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 803

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The Top

Nooooo, I'm not interviewing Candy Staton, and nooooo I'm not going to talk about the Avengers but guys this isn't 9gag so let me introduce you to the fresh new artist we're welcoming today! She's a lovely lady who lives in Vancouver and she's the au...

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 15

Today, I had to go to the local UPS store to sign for a package with providing I.D. shipped to me. I had no idea who had sent the package. After signing for the package, I opened it and saw that I had signed for an empty package. I actually paid for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 648

You deserved it 301

The Top

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 462

You deserved it 9 862

Today, I had a look through my dad's girlfriend's phone she left on the table. Best part: I now know what I'm getting for Christmas. Worst part: I now know my dad's favourite position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 589

You deserved it 76 911

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read "stop banging my boyfriend". I haven't had anyone in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 093

You deserved it 3 083

Today, I was a little grumpy. I tried my best to not take it out on other people, but then I encountered that ONE person who doesn't realize that sometimes people are just in a bad mood, and they proceed to give you a hard time over nothing. That person was my mom. And then later my dad. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 339

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 335

You deserved it 83 892

Today, my girlfriend and I hosted a family game night with her grandparents and her father, who was bringing his "friend" who he'd been dating for a couple of weeks. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 069

You deserved it 219