Who ties their hair with a shitty diaper?

Reference to a previous fml but your username made that comment so much better

And yes I realize you were referencing a previous fml

He tried, but failed to reference a previous fml.

Shitty*

Wahahaha shitty diaper.

You carry an extra thong with you?

It still is funny if done tastefully

Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Boehner?

Not all tans turn out ridiculously brown or orange. A lot of models require them by clients, and it is a better alternative than laying out for hours on end in the sun. Increasing chances of premature aging and skin cancer.

Cool story

Bro* ;)

G, string must be hard to come by.

The hive mind of this website is so anti-spray tan that its ridiculous. Many fake tans look pretty natural and not orange at all. If someone wants to get a spray tan because that's how they want their own skin to look, they shouldn't be ridiculed for it and called an "oompa loompa".

I'd probably have about 25 cents.

I don't know I'm just going with my gut feeling, but Im guessing you would be broke Doc....

If that's what you think, then I believe you didn't know me in college.

I'd say having 25 cents is being broke.

Well I guess it's not a party unless you wake up with your underwear on your head. But what would you do, if you woke up with your underwear in the right place and some skid marked tighty whities on your head?

that's always fun

A daughter should know what a thong is..

34 not necessarily. I didn't until about 5th grade, and I don't think girls younger than that would need to know. We don't know how old OP's daughter is.

At least she has good taste in underwear. The story would have been much worse had it been her granny panties....

Or that creepy tanning mom from New Jersey who used a tanning bed instead of the spray tan.

Depends where you go.