health

Tough one

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 05:00

Today, after I recently jabbed in the spine by a nail, cracking the bone and causing some spinal cord damage, I can now still walk, but I'm now incapable of getting an erection, potentially forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 103

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 02:00

Today, my son tripped into a door and slammed it shut. I'd been holding onto the door frame, leaning around to talk to a neighbour, so of course it slammed my fingers. It must be a really sharp door, because I just woke from the surgery to reattach my three amputated fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 129

Bad timing

By Mel - 10/11/2021 05:00

Today, I'm in the same city as my boyfriend for the first time in 2 months. My body apparently did not like the idea of me having sex again, as I promptly got a UTI and then the week-long breakthrough bleeding that antibiotics often cause me. The same thing happened the week before he had to move, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 179

Carry that weight

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 18:00 - Australia - Moorebank

Today, I was getting up from sitting on the floor. I lent on the coffee table to help support my weight and heard a pop. I'd bruised the tendons in my wrist and now have to wear a wrist guard for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 173

Hello goodbye

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 08:00

Today, after four years of infertility, my wife and I found out our miracle pregnancy was going to be a boy; our first child. Twenty minutes later, we found out our child has a terminal genetic condition, and will die in the next 4 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 546

You deserved it 126

The chop

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 05:01

Today, I got a serious infection following a medically necessary circumcision, and my doctor told me they will probably have to remove even more of the skin where the infection is particularly aggressive. My knob is gonna look like Freddy Krueger's face on a bad day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 702

You deserved it 148

Multiusage

By Anonymous - 06/11/2021 05:00 - Poland - Poznan

Today, I noticed my girlfriend wiping her sweaty armpits with the small towel that I always use to wipe my face with after shaving. Now I know why the towel smells so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 186

Intervention

By nazooer - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 031

You deserved it 4 041

A nightmare

By charapos - 05/11/2021 08:00

Today, at 4.20 a.m., I'm awake, scrolling through this app for no reason other than to procrastinate going to sleep and having to deal with yet more inevitable nightmares and weird dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 182

Leave it to the pros

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 00:01 - United States - Epsom

Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 238

It's a conspiracy!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I had to very clearly explain to my mother, in public, why you cannot get cancer from eating too much ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 020

You deserved it 2 536

Sticky situation

By borderlinebaddie - 04/11/2021 14:00

Today, my grandmother, who I live with, turned the heat off in our house because she went through my private, personal notes on how I wanted to spend my paycheck, and she was mad that I used some of it to help the father of my not-yet-born child, who's struggling financially, make his car payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 273

We're the main characters

By GymHunky - 03/11/2021 11:00

Today, at the gym, a very attractive lady was working out in front of me, wearing tiny shorts that left zero to the imagination. I kept trying to avert my gaze, until her extremely buff boyfriend came over and threatened me. My crime? I wasn’t checking out his girl enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 152

Couvade syndrome

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 08:00

Today my boyfriend overeats when he is upset, and normally keeps tight hold of his diet to control his weight. He assures me he’s happy about it, but since I told him I’m pregnant 3 weeks ago, he’s put on 28 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 190

Can't win

By Nick - 01/11/2021 17:59 - New Zealand

Today, I learned that in a battle to not be dehydrated, I achieved something called overhydration. The symptoms of which are similar to being dehydrated. After emptying my body of what has felt like every fluid I’ve ingested ever, I'm now back at square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 287

Winter coat

By Jules - 31/10/2021 05:00 - Germany

Today, I learned that if I order fuel oil for my house’s central heating right now, it won't be delivered before January. Yes, that’s in three months. No, I don't live in one of those countries where it’s still warm in October. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 232

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 23:00

Today, my mother is such a helicopter parent, she wouldn’t let me go to my first appointment with my new gynaecologist without being in the room, to “keep an eye on him”. When I told her to stay out, she started screaming in the waiting room that I was going to be raped without her there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 316

You deserved it 102

Help! I need somebody!

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 02:00 - Sweden

Today, I finally built up the courage to seek professional help for my eating disorder. Apparently I don't meet the criteria, so I was denied help and got sent away. So basically, I'll have to get even sicker for them to take me seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 99

S❤️ed

By andinpublictoo - 29/10/2021 22:59

Today, and for the first time in my life, I was unable to trust a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 226

Facebook science major

By Anonymous - 29/10/2021 20:00

Today, my mom yelled at me for still having a disability at the age of 30, because I should have "grown out of it by now." Then she blamed it on the fact that I got my COVID-19 vaccine. Autism isn't caused by vaccines and it's never going to go away, no matter how old I get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 115

Treat yourself

By dll - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had a bubble bath to help me relax. I was more stressed out by the sound of all the bubbles popping than I was to begin with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 359

You deserved it 9 125

Doug E. Not So Fresh

By Anonymous - 28/10/2021 23:30 - India - Jamshedpur

Today, I was trying to learn beatboxing. As soon as I started trying it out, my grandmother started slapping my back, and mom came in running with a glass of water. Both of them thought I was choking to death. I can't beatbox to save my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 568

Felt cute, might delete myself later

By being a fairy is hard - 28/10/2021 08:00

Today, my daughter lost a tooth. I wanted to make the Tooth Fairy experience extra special, so I dipped her doll's feet in paint to leave “tracks” from the window to her bed. As I was adding the finishing touches and spreading glitter, I tripped on a toy, faceplanted and lost my own tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 392

Cancel culture strikes again

By Disneydont - 27/10/2021 14:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was supposed to leave for Disney. Our trip was cancelled last year because of the pandemic. This morning, we found out my sister’s boyfriend, who was a last-minute add-on to the trip, has COVID. Cancelled again. Maybe next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 159

Unnerving

By Anonymous - 27/10/2021 08:00 - United States - Norristown

Today, I went to the emergency room. A medicine I'm on for my nerve disease is causing me to have stomach pains. If I get off the medicine though, the nerve disease can get worse. If I stay on the medicine, I can continue to have stomach pains and vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 78

Belly bounce

By Anonymous - 27/10/2021 05:00 - United States - Verona

Today, I learned that a innie belly button does not clean itself. I can't begin to describe the horrors I found, after using tweezers to get thirty years worth of "contents" out from inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 1 487

Tunnel vision

By IHaveThePower - 26/10/2021 23:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, after years of being an avid knitter and typing for a living, I got carpal tunnel syndrome… from my wrists flopping around too much while I'm driving. I live half an hour away from the nearest city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 112

Call an exorcist

By mazz - 26/10/2021 04:59

Today, as usual, without fail, every time I wake up earlier than 10 AM, I vomit blood. No doctor can figure out why, and my parents think I'm lying, spoiled little princess who just wants to be lazy and sleep in every day. If I don’t wake up at 6 AM every day from now on, I’m grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 139

Medicare for all, y'all

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 17:02

Today, our daughter was diagnosed with hypodontia, which means half her adult teeth never formed, so when she loses baby teeth, no adult teeth exist to replace them. This is going to cost a fortune since she’s either gonna need dentures or multiple surgeries to insert artificial teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 114

Between a rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 04:59 - Canada - Enderby

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 190

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Okaeri! I hope you had a great week out in the cold (most of our southern hemisphere friends don't know what they're missing). Personally, since I discovered this website I couldn't have been better. This week we're welcoming an atypical artist sinc...

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 11

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with the hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we got out of my car, she started sprinting to get out of the rain. I ran to catch up and slipped on a metal plate, and did a reverse Superman onto my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 075

You deserved it 5 568

The Top

Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 834

You deserved it 6 136

Today, I got back to my apartment from being away for the past week on Spring break. I found the locks on my apartment changed and all my things on the curb, many of them broken or stolen. I ran to the leasing office to see what had happened. Turns out it was an accounting error on their part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 111

You deserved it 3 530

Today, at the age of 34, I realized every girl since high school who has dated me, only dated me because they had low self-esteem or were rebounding. The second they found someone they thought was better, they would leave me. Will I find someone who actually wants to be with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 143

Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question: "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 364

You deserved it 2 330

Today, I attended my 10-year high school reunion. My ex-husband's new wife showed up in the same dress as mine. I guess both the dress and my ex-husband look better on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 233

You deserved it 2 603

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 201