Intimacy: Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me...

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 17:15 - Belgium

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 901

You deserved it 4 898

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Same thing different taste

By fashionVictim - 08/03/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 666

You deserved it 13 005

By Anonymous - 10/12/2014 08:13 - United States - Seaside

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 101

You deserved it 8 705

By jaxattax - 20/10/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 558

You deserved it 82 920

By Anonymous - 27/12/2014 20:53 - United States - Tucson

Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 120

You deserved it 4 855

By flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 211

You deserved it 19 456

Toys R Us

By microlovin - 28/07/2013 07:45 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 772

You deserved it 9 263

Missing

By Anon - 04/08/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 656

You deserved it 20 286

Donut eat this

By Anonymous - 07/08/2015 21:18 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, my sister offered me a couple of doughnuts she bought recently. Thinking she was just being nice, I went ahead and started eating, and was met with the most horrid taste I've ever experienced. Turns out her "recently" was two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 713

You deserved it 2 156

By frootloops - 21/11/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I realized that my girlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expired, so she threw out the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 863

You deserved it 27 736

By samboob - 01/09/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 112

You deserved it 44 529

RavensRule97 0

Monday 14 February 2011 23:00

if he used it as a **** ring and you thought it was a bracelet either you have a small ass arm or hes hung like a horse

UTTU 0

Monday 14 February 2011 22:58

Now you just need to figure out what exactly you liked the taste of...

Comments

Bobby64 29

Monday 14 February 2011 22:57

I guess getting candy on Valentine's Day isn't always a good thing. :/

Bobby64 29

Monday 14 February 2011 23:00

Crap, I didn't read the FML carefully enough. >_> Sorry about that. Oh well, that's nasty no matter what day it occurred on.

xBangOut 4

Tuesday 15 February 2011 20:55

Well I guess your sister is very fine with sharing :) 3sum anyone?

UTTU 0

Monday 14 February 2011 22:58

Now you just need to figure out what exactly you liked the taste of...

gabrielleangeliq 0

Monday 14 February 2011 23:07

This.

meowmeowwkitty 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 6:22

Salty?

deafeningsilence 8

Monday 14 February 2011 22:59

.....what the..

RavensRule97 0

Monday 14 February 2011 23:00

if he used it as a **** ring and you thought it was a bracelet either you have a small ass arm or hes hung like a horse

shayshaw 0

Monday 14 February 2011 23:50

*strechy

mitchem 3

Tuesday 15 February 2011 2:39

*stretchy

mitchem 3

Tuesday 15 February 2011 2:42

*stretchy

folfg7 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 2:50

Kids under 14 have small enough arms. and have had sex Ed. put it together people... child molestation black mail for the ******* ^win.

Privations_fml 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 8:05

No, used it on a horse

DoubleEdgedBlade 4

Tuesday 15 February 2011 8:38

63 - It was used on me. :D

lolitaababy 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 11:22

ahahahahahahahahahaha!!

DahkLohd 4

Monday 14 February 2011 23:02

You like the taste of ****? What's your number?

Mama_Umbridge 8

Tuesday 15 February 2011 0:57

A DUR DUR DUR DUR

wolfshadow 4

Tuesday 15 February 2011 3:05

(you)-are-rapermort(.com)

LexxyLiime 0

Monday 14 February 2011 23:01

quite_bored 9

Monday 14 February 2011 23:03

...And it fit...?

WiseGuy79 14

Monday 14 February 2011 23:09

Moral of the story kids: Don't accept slimy candy bracelets/**** rings from your sister haha

mrahhhhh 21

Monday 14 February 2011 23:10

Her not liking the taste is what got you in this situation... twice!

ak7477 9

Monday 14 February 2011 23:14

well quite a happy VD for you...

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Ahoy ship's boys and girls ! Today we're heading to France. Be ready to face rain, storm and beer because Lille is welcoming us, and believe me, it's not Los Angeles. Do you all have your raincoats? -Bonjour ! First of all, present yourself ma jol...

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 16

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said, "You got me wet." Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said!" He replied "No, really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 314

You deserved it 40 787

The Top

Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend after I got home and realised I was happier sat in my car on the street than I would be if I went inside and had to put up with her whining and her two spoiled daughters for even one more day. So now I’m happy, but also homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 426

Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 234

You deserved it 333

Today, my grandma gave me the task of picking up her cat from the vet. As I carried him out, I heard a really deep and scary noise that caused me to drop the pet taxi with him in it. Then I heard it again, more loudly this time. Turns out that's what his meow sounds like. He never meows, so I had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 173

Today, my family staged an intervention and demanded I go to rehab. Why? My mom found 'drug papers' in my car. It was a receipt from a routine drug screening for my job. It was also over two years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 77

Today, someone thought it would be funny to switch the signs on the bathroom doors. Fortunately, I knew which was the men's and went on in. The startled old woman inside, however, did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 437

You deserved it 3 476

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived, I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 278

You deserved it 10 771

Same thing different taste

Toys R Us

Missing

Donut eat this

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