Insulting and Love: Rare and inventive insult - FML

Rare and inventive insult

By fuck you - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 656

You deserved it 3 841

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End the year on a high note with anecdotes where every New Year's Eve firecracker is synonymous with laughter! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 719

You deserved it 4 947

Nice dude

By ThroatSlasher - 17/08/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 999

You deserved it 2 461

He's a keeper

By mariana - 08/02/2014 00:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 699

You deserved it 10 344

By (._. ) - 06/08/2013 20:35 - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 773

You deserved it 5 129

By nameless - 12/07/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 286

You deserved it 11 865

By bertiebeth - 02/08/2014 05:35 - Australia - Padstow

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 776

You deserved it 4 031

By MysticSoup - 21/04/2019 22:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 3 924

Honesty is the best policy

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 1 260

By -insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 523

You deserved it 15 016

Never again

By Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 942

You deserved it 2 633

Next

Top comments

nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 0:30

"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.

spamhands1 18

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

That is not nice, your better off without him

Comments

spamhands1 18

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

That is not nice, your better off without him

Redoxx_fml 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:33

You're

soullyfe 33

Monday 27 April 2015 1:06

Or he could be better off. For all we know OP could have a terrible personality, or some other negative situation we're not aware of. Have to see both sides sometimes.

ItsDutch 16

Monday 27 April 2015 1:10

Even if OP didn't have the greatest personality, he could've simply told her no. He didn't have to be an asshole about it...

Epikatz 22

Monday 27 April 2015 5:11

The one sure thing is that OP has a very strange type of Dream Man.

Sazzles 17

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

Sounds like a lucky escape OP

IAmzephyr 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:25

bon appetite?

flyingmind_fml 17

Monday 27 April 2015 1:42

i'll have the pleasure to cook them for u asshole !!

nityasomaiya 46

Monday 27 April 2015 8:34

Ask him if he'd prefer it with salt or pepper.

Hoopachi 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:26

Dodged a bullet there OP! If he insults people like that without even giving them a try then you don't need to be with him

Redoxx_fml 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:35

More like dodged a ballsack

renouttaluck 20

Monday 27 April 2015 0:27

Wow that is an extreme response OP. I would consider it a lucky break that the psycho said no.

fantasyworld 37

Monday 27 April 2015 0:27

I think you dodged a bullet there.

MrsHaxxo 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:28

I think you dodged a bullet there..

Devildrake 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:29

There's millions of other opportunities out there, chin up.

nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 0:30

"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.

ItsDutch 16

Monday 27 April 2015 2:41

I'd tell you to marry me for that comment, but you could be a 40 year old horny stalker who will try to find out where I live.

shemademedoit 20

Monday 27 April 2015 7:54

so can you buddy. so can you

nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 10:25

If you marry me you'll have to accept me for who I am ♥

TheBelt 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:31

Sorry O.P he doesn't deserve you.

garrettcreek16 6

Thursday 30 April 2015 3:58

What is op

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Keywords

Money Christmas Gifts Relatable Lonely Health Family Awkward Miscellaneous Technology Social Media Holidays Narcissistic parents Love Drunk Dogs Animals Poopoo peepee Annoying My ex Work Religion Shopping AITA Cheating Intimacy Break-ups Am I overreacting? Delivery Furniture

The Top

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 388

You deserved it 53 433

Today, I was promoted to Executive Assistant of our new managing director. Alas, no one told me that, alongside her occasional periods of managerial brilliance, she has severe ADHD and dyslexia, so as well as an assistant I’m also her babysitter, interpreter, maid, nurse, tutor, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 120

The Top

Today, my partner was sent 450 miles away by the army, after he had been home for only 22 hours. Yesterday they told him he could come home for 2 weeks. I guess the British army doesn't want me to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 214

Today, I rushed back to my car, as the parking meter was about to expire. I got fined by the police for jaywalking, which allowed just enough time for the parking meter to expire, and to get a fine for that too. I probably would have made it in time if I just walked calmly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 327

Today, after I took up a job to design a website for a company, I had everything done… but they went with someone else. Their boss's nephew made a site that looks like it was pulled from late '90s GeoCities site, and is full of spelling errors and broken links. They paid him $5000 for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 102

Today, I found out how my high school dropout parents were able to support three children. Porn. A truly awe inspiring amount of homemade porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 104

Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 160

You deserved it 3 409

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 310

You deserved it 2 768