The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By anon80214 - 30/05/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me give her a foot massage after she had a long day at work. Halfway through, she fell asleep. Wanting to see how ticklish she actually was, I started to tickle her feet. She then kicked me straight in the nuts whilst sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 959

You deserved it 63 587

anon80214 tells us more.

anon80214 15

Friday 29 July 2011 23:26

Yeah, I probably did deserve that one.

By iTried - 28/01/2016 12:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 576

You deserved it 8 786

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 394

You deserved it 3 957

By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 16:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my 43 year-old wife has been having a cyber relationship with a 14 year-old kid on Halo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 104

You deserved it 4 491

Community policing

By phant776 - 13/05/2011 04:02 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration, so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize, and I was hit with a big stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 437

You deserved it 9 317

How appropriate

By ohgod - 14/08/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I found out my husband had bought my one year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 555

You deserved it 7 949

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 15:30 - United States

Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 701

You deserved it 18 300

By divorce? i think so - 21/07/2012 02:12 - Canada - Markham

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 296

You deserved it 3 313

By englishclasshigh - 10/09/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 611

You deserved it 7 525

By bouda - 15/05/2011 18:19 - France

Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 070

You deserved it 7 555

By WTF, America? - 03/08/2013 21:57 - Sweden

Today, I was convinced by my friends to watch an episode of the American TV show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo". They said it was bad, but I didn't anticipate having a full-blown panic attack ten minutes into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 239

You deserved it 9 618

Shoot your shot

By scewable - 13/10/2011 07:19 - United States

Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 238

You deserved it 10 107

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 10:34 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I found an injured rabbit by the side of the road. I was about to take it to the local vet, when my husband picked it up and casually snapped its neck. "No rabbit's worth my money" he said, forgetting that he's been a jobless moocher for over 3 years. Pass me the goddamn divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 943

You deserved it 2 640

By omgwtf - 18/10/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, it was Homecoming. During the dance, I saw this mentally handicapped guy ask this pretty girl to dance. She said no. So I went over to him and asked him to dance. He replied that he only wanted to dance with "pretty girls" and I was not one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 782

You deserved it 5 545

By Al - 10/03/2010 02:07 - United States

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 007

You deserved it 2 921

By Anonymous - 29/09/2011 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my co-workers agreed that I was the one causing the elevator to be over its weight limit. When I protested, saying that I only weigh around 150 pounds, one asked me if that included the weight of my wheelchair. They made me get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 755

You deserved it 3 275

I LOVED THAT LITTLE GUY

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 05:46 - United States - San Diego

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 188

You deserved it 8 508

By thatguy - 25/06/2011 07:47 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 745

You deserved it 2 989

By imafrickenidiot - 08/03/2010 08:33 - France

Today, I was supposed to talk to my girlfriend's mom to ask permission to date her daughter but I chickened out. We've been together for almost a year, but have not been on a real date because I am too damn scared of her family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 961

You deserved it 46 150

By NoSpirit - 01/11/2012 08:20

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 047

You deserved it 5 257

By embareassed - 20/01/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I was riding my dorm elevator from the 5th floor to the 1st by myself. Since the elevator is really slow, I pulled my pants and underwear down just for kicks. Just then, the door opened to let a girl on at the 4th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 693

You deserved it 85 973

Don't do this to me

By backtosquareone - 04/10/2011 05:22 - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 862

You deserved it 44 273

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 320

You deserved it 11 775

Consent

By jon - 31/08/2012 21:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 742

You deserved it 18 104

By Emily - 03/01/2013 06:42 - United States - Arlington

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me by writing on my bathroom mirror in Sharpie. What did he write? "Hi, I'm Emily. I'm fat, ugly, and now single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 114

You deserved it 4 918

By dude - 24/03/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 140

You deserved it 34 271

By Thankshun - 04/03/2013 23:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 472

You deserved it 6 631

By ouch - 29/02/2012 19:18 - Italy

Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 131

You deserved it 2 862

By KMO - 26/02/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, I decided to take a peek in my fiancé's vow book to see how far he's got. The only thing in there was the lyrics to a song from the movie Shrek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 105

You deserved it 28 534

By Anonyme - 26/09/2014 06:56 - France - Saint-di

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 70

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident Parents Annoying ADHD Medication Snow Weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, a slightly older guy friend of mine told me that he thinks of me as a little sister. Immediately afterwards, he tried to make out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 77

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said, "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him every day now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 531

You deserved it 32 700

The Top

Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 441

Today, I was doing the laundry and changing the bed sheets. I found most of my underwear under my step daughters bed, when I asked her, she said that she liked the way they smelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 665

You deserved it 196

Today, my sister bought my five year-old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 175

You deserved it 7 971

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 345

You deserved it 7 291

Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 189

You deserved it 5 066

Today, my mom went on a rant about how insulin and other diabetic medications are evil western poisons, and that she can control her condition naturally on her own. That would be great, if she actually ate right and exercised instead of just using meditation to “think” herself healthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 78