The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

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Surveillance

By HiddlePuff - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back, the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 729

You deserved it 8 353

RIP

By funnnyyyyy -_- - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Nepal - Kathmandu

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked, I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 242

You deserved it 6 723

Happy Valentine's Day

By henhouse - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Brunswick East

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 592

You deserved it 3 829

Thanks, I guess?

By LocallyBrewed - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 280

You deserved it 2 778

Rare and inventive insult

By fuck you - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 658

You deserved it 3 842

Oddball

By Iwtumn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Austria - Deutschlandsberg

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 472

You deserved it 7 342

Love is…

By gassygirlfriend - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Nampa

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 375

You deserved it 5 277

Planning ahead

By Ma_Nikka - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Olivehurst

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 622

You deserved it 3 020

At least you tried, son

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Canberra

Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform her, I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 284

You deserved it 3 265

You never know

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 957

You deserved it 3 681

Get out of my way!

By ow my kidneys - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Germany - Bad Oeynhausen

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 395

You deserved it 1 990

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 405

You deserved it 5 206

What have I done now?

By SupportPage - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Torrance

Today, I found out there's a support page on Facebook for people who have been "hurt" by me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 316

You deserved it 35 420

Nice neighborhood

By Mrs. W. - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 943

You deserved it 2 497

No joking allowed

By TecheyTim - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Latham

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' prank on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 531

You deserved it 12 054

Made his mark

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 589

You deserved it 3 356

Planning

By stargate25 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Denver

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 278

You deserved it 11 974

New sensation

By birchbeer - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 928

You deserved it 2 532

Big girl

By fatass - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 865

You deserved it 8 098

It hurts

By postop - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Far Rockaway

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I had just woken up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 335

You deserved it 2 115

Spirit world

By coldasfire - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 794

You deserved it 2 547

Catfished

By mylovelifeisanepicfail - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 210

You deserved it 3 974

Wreckless Eric

By pgmonster - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 213

You deserved it 5 528

Whirlybird special

By Lilo4life - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 736

You deserved it 2 919

Sorry sweetie

By ddhaley1 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Edmond

Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 805

You deserved it 3 321

Chilled out

By Rar - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Palatine

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 266

You deserved it 10 395

The Curse

By nancypants1124 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 982

You deserved it 12 713

High speed car chase

By drivingmecrazy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Sacramento

Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 657

You deserved it 7 500

I quit!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - East Carondelet

Today, I'm babysitting kids whose parents said they would be back by 12. Its 4 a.m. and they still aren't home. I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 981

You deserved it 2 241

Slow day

By lion2294 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Laingsburg

Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 897

You deserved it 7 420

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was Facebook-stalking a really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 579

You deserved it 44 862

Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 680

You deserved it 536

The Top

Today, after encouraging my cat to try his new cat bed all day with no success, I attempted to gently place him in it. Instead, he managed to fear-spray me in the face. Like a skunk. I didn't even know cats could do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 297

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 100

You deserved it 2 721

Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 374

You deserved it 50 553

Today, I had to renew my driver's license at the DMV. Earlier, I was in a play and was still covered in stage makeup. I didn't realize that not all of it had come off until after my picture was taken and put on my new license. For the next three years, I'll be the guy with the dark eyeliner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 719

You deserved it 8 857

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 549

You deserved it 5 093

Today, my coworker called out for the sixth time in two weeks with no reason, while my manager was out until noon. It was just the three of us in my department. He’s had zero repercussions and has been doing this for months. They threatened to fire me for taking five minutes in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 97