All the FMLs

Plans

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 02:30

Today, we saw a woman with two out-of-control children. As we walked away, my husband said to me, “Disgusting, I’m glad we’re never having children.” News to me, he'd always said he wanted a kid before we married. An uncomfortable conversation is imminent, damn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 217

Some people don't belong in education

By Panagiotis - 01/10/2022 18:01 - United States

Today, we had a substitute teacher. She was taking attendance and had trouble pronouncing my last name. When I corrected her, I heard her mutter under her breath about, “Goddamn Mexican immigrants…” I’m from Greek ancestry, born in the USA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 139

What's your damage?

By Anonymous - 01/10/2022 21:30

Today, my therapist mentioned we should look into the possibility of me being autistic. When telling my boyfriend what she'd said, he replied, “I don’t think you’re autistic, just damaged.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 153

Communication breakdown

By keyshame - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I took my car to be repaired. The mechanic put out his hand when he saw me, so I shook it. He just wanted my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 898

You deserved it 6 666

Pay up

By Anonymous - 01/10/2022 16:30 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I received an invoice for a plumber call-out. They'd watched me reconnect my own water heater because the heat pump packed up, and the lady on the phone had said no charge. So basically, 690 bucks to use their ladder, when they declined my offer to use my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 141

Money changes everything

By Anonymous - 01/10/2022 22:00 - Australia - Crows Nest

Today, after my brother took his own life in 2020, my mother launched legal challenges to get 100% of the estate, as he'd left it to my sons as he had no kids. She was successful as the insurance company believed her lies with no proof. It took two years in court to overturn this. This ordeal has crippled me mentally and emotionally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 123

May to December

By b…… - 01/10/2022 11:30

Today, after 20 loving years together, my husband had a “change of heart” and decided to leave me for his 26 year-old employee. He’s 64. I can’t get him fired because he’s the owner of the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 176

Are you my mommy now?

By Anonymous - 01/10/2022 09:00

Today, after I offered my boyfriend of a couple of months to come stay at my place for a few days, he turned up with suitcases… along with his 2 children, who he'd never mentioned having before, despite one of them being a toddler. They seem intent on staying a while, so I'm wondering what to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 309

Terminally online

By mr_loveless - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 751

You deserved it 10 943

Food for thought

By snowiewind - 01/10/2022 10:59 - Japan - Osaka

Today, I had a bacterial infection in my intestines. Doctors suggested I wash my intestines, but apparently forgot to tell me I couldn't eat before the procedure. I don't know what's worse, the fact that the whole room right now smells like rancid fried chicken, or the fact that the doctors were just talking about going to Popeyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 253

Enough already!

By SadWoman - 30/09/2022 13:30 - United States - Kula

Today, my counsellor said that my venting needs to stop with this session, and that I needed to have goals towards which she can help me go. But I'm so lonely and just wanted to talk to someone. So now, a person won't take money from me to listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 619

Some sort of issues

By Dusk - 30/09/2022 20:30

Today, I tried to rent the new Aladdin with my '90s obsessed war vet roommate. Thirty seconds into the opening credits, he begins screaming that the movie is trash, and then rents out the original. He re-rented the new one and trashed it the whole time, ranting that Jasmin should be beheaded for speaking over a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 174

Useful

By Zach - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lewes

Today, I found out the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out yet is because of my OCD which makes me clean the house every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 674

You deserved it 3 746

Cute, but stressful

By Anonymous - 30/09/2022 15:30

Today, I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. I still can't work up the courage to tell him I love him. I've been bursting to tell him for 4 months, but for some reason I can never seem to get the words out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 406

Always have a spare wheel in your car

By Wheel be right back - 30/09/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, my dad got a flat tire on the way to work. I got a replacement and texted him, "I have the wheel." For some reason, it got autocorrected to, "I have the weed." My dad then said, "I think we need to talk." I know he's joking and that he knows it was autocorrect trying to ruin my life, but damn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 202

Not now, bowels!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally felt the effects of a laxative that I took last night. This morning, when I was in the dentist's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 132

You deserved it 7 123

It's political correctness gone mad!

By Anonymous - 30/09/2022 03:30

Today, my wife threatened to leave me for "bodyshaming" our daughter by giving her a bicycle for her birthday. I bought her a bike because she's been asking for one for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 103

Love is love

By Anonymous - 30/09/2022 01:00

Today, I found out my dad is dating my dead mom's best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 269

It was bound to happen

By NOT THE KITTY - 29/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, and for the past week, my grandma has been talking about her oldest cat not living much longer. This morning, my mom called, and I could instantly tell by the inflection of her voice what had happened. I immediately, correctly, assumed that he had died… and then I got yelled at for being "pessimistic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 118

No favors

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over. The cop seemed very familiar. Turns out he was a relative of mine whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time. We had decent conversation and caught up. He still gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 611

You deserved it 18 400

Stolen valor

By Anonymous - 29/09/2022 15:00

Today, a fake soldier tried to chat me up at a bar. I know he was fake because one of his medals is only given posthumously to soldiers who died in combat, like my own dad, yet this creep was claiming he earned it himself. When I confronted him, he busted out my front teeth before running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 127

The war on drugs

By Anonymous - 29/09/2022 12:30

Today, my dad caught me vaping. From the volume of his yelling, you’d think he caught me sniffing cocaine out of a prostitute's ass crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 1 203

The matchmaker

By Anonymous - 29/09/2022 07:30

Today, my mom has been aggressively trying to get me to marry one of her coworkers, who is around my age. Apparently she loves her like the daughter she always wanted, and since it would be silly to adopt her; she is determined she will be her daughter-in-law instead, whether I like it or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 137

Serious business

By John - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Midway City

Today, one of my interviewers got so bored, he made a paper airplane out of my résumé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 410

You deserved it 691

Call the cops

By Shelby1992 - 29/09/2022 02:30

Today, I dumped my boyfriend. He responded with kidnapping my dog while I was at work. He texted me a picture of him holding a piece of chocolate to his mouth, threatening to feed it to him if I didn’t get back with him. I took him back because I can’t bear my life without my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 360

Insecure

By Anonymous - 28/09/2022 21:30

Today, after my wife said I could decide what to do with our spare room, I decided to make a home gym. She hasn't stopped ranting about "patriarchal diet culture" and "unrealistic body expectations" since. I just wanted to get fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 126

Oh no

By marriedwithfamily - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii. My family decided to surprise my new husband and I by joining us on our vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 709

You deserved it 3 586

Spill the T

By Seasonal Suck - 28/09/2022 09:30 - United States

Today, seasonal allergies are whooping my ass again. The last time this happened was… only two weeks ago. Even more unfortunately, today also marks the day I discovered that while hot tea does help soothe my poor, inflamed throat, if I drink too much of it without a break, I throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 198

Supportive

By Anonymous - 28/09/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Bury

Today, I was involved in a car crash. When I told him, my boyfriend was more interested in what he was going to have for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 131

Many such cases

By Thomas - 28/09/2022 11:30

Today, I'm thirteen and I don't have a social life, because my parents started homeschooling me in the second grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 200

Keywords

Thanksgiving Politics Family Holidays Miscellaneous Cars Am I overreacting? Transportation AITA Contraception Love Cheating Suspicious Pregnancy Christmas Scary Awkward Sex Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Jealousy Friends Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Covid

The Top

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 032

You deserved it 3 461

Today, my adult daughter was hospitalized for severe fever, diarrhea, and fainting. The doctor couldn't find any cause other than sleep deprivation, because I started making her wake up at 7 am. I’ve never met anyone so ridiculously weak in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 712

The Top

Today, in the locker room, I saw a girl with a nice hairless ass changing in front of me and the only thing I could think of was how hairy my ass would look if I dared to change in front of other people like she did. I’m also a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 183

Today, during gym class, I wanted to show off in front of my classmates by doing a headstand in the middle of the gym. I wanted to hold the position, except my shirt came out of my pants and exposed my belly and breasts to all my classmates. Everyone burst out laughing. It was so embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 964

Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 169

You deserved it 2 172

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 433

You deserved it 4 793

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 350

You deserved it 4 651

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 255

You deserved it 5 558