All the FMLs

But they're so cuuuuute

By britanyann - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 069

You deserved it 6 590

Misunderstood

By Anonymous - 05/10/2022 02:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Today, I was jogging and was about to pass a woman ahead of me. I called out I was passing so she wouldn’t be scared. She waited till I was right next to her and pepper-sprayed my eyes while screaming, "Rapist." The cops were there in less than 5 minutes, and even though I was blinded, they still handcuffed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 131

Parents react to announcement [GONE WRONG]

By Anonymous - 05/10/2022 00:30

Today, I came out as bisexual while we were in the car. My mom started crying behind the steering wheel, driving at 85 mph. She later told my dad, even though I asked her not to. My dad said, "Give it a month, he'll grow out of it." I realized I was bi 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 180

You deserved it 388

Media frenzy

By Anonymous - 04/10/2022 22:00

Today, my sister had about 10 seconds of screen time as a nameless extra in a movie and mom won’t stop crying she’s so proud she saw one of her babies on the TV. I used to work for the BBC. I was on TV for minutes at a time, at least once a week, and she was never this proud of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 144

They tried to make me go to rehab…

By drunkenloser - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my alcoholism reached a new low when I found myself sitting on the toilet drinking a bottle of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 502

You deserved it 39 109

Social lifeline

By Anonymous - 04/10/2022 18:00 - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, my psychologist canceled our appointment due to Covid. I'm a mess and was looking forward to our meeting, it's the only constant thing in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 199

Lolcow culture

By Anonymous - 04/10/2022 14:30

Today, I was attempting to explain to my boyfriend how the meltdown I had a few days back really messed with my head. Apparently, me calmly talking about my (suspected) autism made him think about Chris Chan. Thanks, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 204

Broke as ever

By PolarBear2020 - 04/10/2022 12:00

Today, I've been broke for so long that I felt a pang of envy when a character in a movie said that that they'd bought a tiny cup from a gift shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 169

Early warning

By Loser - 04/10/2022 09:30

Today, I went out to dinner with the girl of my dreams. Wanting to get to know her, I asked her what she’s looking for in a relationship. She scoffed and said how relationships are for the weak and that it’s better to not catch feelings to avoid being hurt. I guess I don’t have a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 148

Booksmart

By hfksorws - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I was at Barnes and Noble with my dad, where he refused to buy me a book because I "already read too much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 814

You deserved it 6 166

The lawnmower man

By I Won btw - 04/10/2022 04:30

Today, I got into a fight with a lawnmower after walking backwards to pull around/avoid running over a root, and I tripped over a sitting log by our campfire and broke three of my toes (thankfully, a log half blocked the blades) so now I'm on crutches and need to wear a boot for 6-8 weeks, and I'm banned from mowing for the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 233

Never crush on coworkers

By Anonymous - 03/10/2022 18:00 - United States - Berthoud

Today, I found out that a girl who I really liked at work, who is my manager and with whom I'm friends, and who knows I like her, has been secretly dating someone else who works there for a month, and everyone at work knew except me, because she didn't want to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 468

Call CPS

By Mortified - 03/10/2022 23:30

Today, while on holiday in Melbourne, I begged my wife to take a day off from yelling angrily at our 4 year-old. A few hours later, she was cursing and yelling in front of gathering onlookers because he didn't want to go inside LegoLand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 176

Worst customers, part 37764

By FthisJob - 03/10/2022 21:00

Today, I had to explain to a customer that I couldn't give her a cash refund on a card transaction. She bought the item, and within 5 minutes returned it, demanding a refund. It takes 2 business days for the refund to process. She saw fit to throw an epic tantrum, and I was written up for “upsetting the customer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 100

Gimme the pizza

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 083

You deserved it 58 010

Nutshot

By Unwilling Target - 03/10/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, my dad decided to test if Nerf guns actually hurt by sneaking up on me and shooting me with one. He missed; however, when he shot at me again, he hit my cat on my lap, causing my poor cat to run away. After desperately trying to apologize to my cat, he then shot at me a THIRD time, nailing me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 160

Taxi Girl

By Anonymous - 03/10/2022 13:30

Today, I became one of those women who gave birth in a taxi. I used to laugh at those stories, because I couldn’t believe they would be so unprepared that they couldn’t get to the hospital first. Oh and I had to get a taxi because my husband had been watching football and was too drunk to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 350

It's been a while…

By Rob - 03/10/2022 04:00 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I realized that every other targeted ad I see is for some sort of dating app. I've been single on and off for 5 years now, and it's starting to get to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 142

Time doesn't always heal

By Anonymous - 03/10/2022 09:30 - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, exactly two years to the date when I thought my dream had came true when my partner surprised me with a kitten. Except two weeks later we had to give him away because my partner was too anxious about the cat destroying any of his stuff. I'm still heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 206

Schlongs for miles

By Anonymous - 03/10/2022 06:00

Today, my husband and I took our two sons (6 and 8 years-old) on a 200 ft hike down to the Torrey Pines beach in San Diego. The beach looked beautiful and the kids were excited to get there. It wasn’t until we finally got there when we found out it was a nudist beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 727

Cool moves dude

By rojin12 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I tried to close my desk drawer by hitting it with my hip, like they do in the movies. Everything on my desk fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 287

You deserved it 32 622

At least you can you can do it in your underwear

By Anonymous - 03/10/2022 01:01

Today, after I missed in school for two and a half weeks, I also missed three tests. Now I gotta work for all of them during my holidays and read two books for school. My holidays are just gonna be like school, but with more work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 787

Fetishizating weeboos are cringe

By wtfffbro - 02/10/2022 15:30 - United States - Arlington

Today, after I randomly ghosted an ex-friend and blocked her on my social media a few years ago for being too obsessed with Asian culture, I also saw the same girl making out with the same guy I’ve had a crush on the last few weeks. They’ve already started dating as of last night. Karma: 1 Me: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 1 176

The sunk cost fallacy

By Stephanie - 02/10/2022 20:00

Today, I finally got over my ex and his past of constant lying/cheating/manipulation in our relationship. Only… I'm still living in his house with all of my stuff and my cat, because I've already paid him my half of his mortgage for the next two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 249

Splatter

By maninpain - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Kenya

Today, after a root canal, I went to the pharmacy for some pain killers. The cute girl behind the counter asked what I needed. When I opened my mouth to tell her, a wave of drool hurtled out and splattered on the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 460

You deserved it 4 100

Hot lava

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 15:00

Today, after not having coffee for ages, I finally remembered why I stopped drinking it. I literally just shit my pants, and I’m about to start a ten-hour day with 27 fifth graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 281

Uneasy feeling

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 06:30 - United States - Grafton

Today, and for a while, I’ve noticed one of my closest friends getting a little to friendly with my boyfriend. Maybe I’m just reading too far into it, but then again maybe I’m not? I really want to be wrong about this and I’m pretty sure he would never hurt me, but I’m scared something’s going on that I don’t know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 289

Hesitancy

By DrFart - 02/10/2022 01:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today i had a patient come into the practice six times to ask about vaccines they've had. Apparently, their "doctor" friend (with a PHD in arts) is a more reliable source of information than trained medical staff telling them, "Yes, that is in that group of vaccines" with a vaccine leaflet, and a head nurse explaining it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 118

Calcultated

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 07:30

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. Over text. While I was on vacation visiting my old grandparents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 100

It's not a phase!

By allycat - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It'll be good for her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 208

You deserved it 2 783

Keywords

Thanksgiving Politics Family Holidays Miscellaneous Am I overreacting? Cars AITA Transportation Contraception Love Cheating Suspicious Pregnancy Christmas Scary Awkward Sex Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Jealousy Friends Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Covid

The Top

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 966

You deserved it 29 847

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 006

You deserved it 3 398

The Top

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 013

You deserved it 4 875

Today, I was running a marathon. I stopped to massage my stiff legs, when an elderly spectator taunted, "Oohhh yeah, that's it! Massage those legs good, boy!" She looked about 70. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 243

You deserved it 4 871

Today, my 16-year-old daughter burned all her baby photos because they were unflattering and made her "look fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 456

You deserved it 4 431

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 851

You deserved it 3 610

Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 600

You deserved it 17 069

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 160

You deserved it 5 732