All the FMLs

Red cheeked

By RedHatKat - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Burr Hill

Today, my dryer broke in the middle of drying my essential work clothes. This resulted in me wearing partially-dried pants to work today. As a nanny I have encountered diaper rashes before, just not on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 827

You deserved it 1 934

Don't think so highly of yourself

By Book by its cover - 08/10/2022 10:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was in an elevator when some awkward geeky-looking guy walked in. He asked me how my day was, but I said, “You’re not my type, don’t even try.” An hour later, I was at a concert. Turns out he was the lead singer of the opening band. He glared at me angrily when he noticed me in the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 3 049

Overdoing it

By Finnbjoern - 08/10/2022 16:30

Today, I had 16 freakin' protein bars as a meal, the only meal of the day, as well as 5 apples after. I'm feeling like Yellowstone erupting in my guts right now. It hurts as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 2 185

Welcome to Hell

By Anonymous - 08/10/2022 14:00

Today, I got my period two days early. I have really bad cramps and my lower back hurts pretty bad. I'm getting over having bronchitis, I wanted to relax, but instead my mother had the bright idea to walk around the mall for two hours. We sat in traffic for another hour before we made it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 159

Logging on the company dime

By Anonymous - 08/10/2022 12:00

Today, at work, I did my morning constitutional and the automatic toilet died and wouldn't flush. I had to tell my boss, since there's only two toilets in the ladies' bathroom. So it's pretty obvious who dropped the duce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 170

Welcome to the neighborhood

By poopsthegame - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Honolulu

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 675

You deserved it 1 898

Lock him up

By Homelesssoon - 07/10/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I visited a friend’s house. He has a vast collection of Cartier bracelets. Being strapped for cash and starving, I stole one of them when he wasn’t looking, thinking he wouldn’t notice one missing. I went to pawn the bracelet. It’s fake. Rent’s due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 3 901

Worst roommate ever

By Anonymous - 08/10/2022 01:30

Tonday, I spent the night in my car because I didn’t want to go home as I just gave my roommate a 30-day eviction notice. My girlfriend is spending the night at a friend's, and I’m too cheap to get a hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 1 217

Mind your own business

By Not what it looks like - 07/10/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a lady at Walmart that my mom, who is rather big-boned, actually suffers from fibromyalgia and arthritis, which is why she has to use motor carts. She didn't believe us, and called my mom "selfish". This is a common occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 217

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging over the handle bar of my parked bike. It was a very used diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 717

You deserved it 1 522

How could you?

By Anonymous - 07/10/2022 15:30

Today, my wife made me feel like an asshole for not leaving work to come home because she wasn't feeling good. I'm working at a jobsite 1.5 hours away from home, plus my vehicle wasn't at the jobsite either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 149

Doomsday

By Alberto - 07/10/2022 10:30

Today, I had to wake up my mother as the earthquake alarm rang in my country. This is the second quake in less than a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 925

You deserved it 173

Confidence

By Anonymous - 07/10/2022 02:00 - United States - North Myrtle Beach

Today, I was talking to my wife about my struggles with being recognized for what I do well at work, which is partially my own fault since I share credit where I can. Her response wasn't to say, "They should try to see your strong points," but to wonder if she should get a job for financial security for herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 398

For no one

By Anonymous - 07/10/2022 12:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought that something that happened with my friends last year had died down. I realised I was on the wrong side of the argument, so I apologised. My friend apologised as well while I was absent, and apparently everyone was crying and hugging. You know the response I got from them? "Umm… OK?" I swear everyone hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 360

More issues than Vogue

By Anonymous - 07/10/2022 00:30

Today, and thanks to my psychologist, I realized I have yet again wasted years on a one-sided friendship, after said friend cut me out of his life without even speaking to me. The reason? I told him to talk to the people he had issues with before cutting them out of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 187

The dress is lit

By Laura - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw a small child take a really bad fall off his scooter, so I got rid of my cigarette and ran to help him. I asked him if he was alright, or if I could walk him to his house. He replied "I'm okay, but your dress is on fire." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 732

You deserved it 17 699

Snitch

By Cerie - 06/10/2022 16:00

Today, I confronted my coworker, who I had a crush on, for lying to me. He’d told me he was gay when I asked him out. He’s now dating another coworker of mine who’s a woman. He took this up with my boss, and I was written up for “creating a hostile work environment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 1 985

That ain't it

By Anonymous - 06/10/2022 13:30

Today, my tampon leaked right before I had to go to court. I'm the plaintiff and I work for my city, and blood stains isn't a good look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 148

It's all downhill from here

By Anonymous - 06/10/2022 10:00 - United Kingdom - Farnborough

Today, my parents searched my room because yesterday they found one of my friends vapes in my bag, which they made me return. Sadly, they found a box vape with 2 e-juices and gave me a talking to. So now, I'm never allowed out of the house until I'm 18 (I'm 14 right now) and I'm never allowed friends over. Also, they're really mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 2 469

I can't hear myself think in here

By Anonymous - 06/10/2022 08:30

Today, and for the past two weeks, my teacher hasn't taken a class, saying that she doesn't want to teach a class as loud as ours. When she does teach, it's near impossible to hear her over the yelling of other students. I checked the syllabus for an exam and it has two topics that she didn't cover. The exam is in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 196

Dating is hell

By Th3BaconNinja - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 819

You deserved it 6 120

Well worth the money

By Anonymous - 05/10/2022 21:30 - Australia

Today, I'm on a certain diet. I had to have a green protein banana smoothie for breakfast. I shook it up, took a mouthful, and immediately started gagging. Apparently, the seal for the bottle had fallen in, and it got stuck in my throat. Luckily it was slimy and came out relatively easily. I paid $12 for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 261

Swot

By Lonely at the top - 05/10/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, my class had a group project. The teacher allowed people to opt to do it alone. I, an introvert with crippling social anxiety, was the only one to do it alone. I still finished before everyone else, with an A. The other students called me a "freak" and many other names, simply because I work better alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 130

Sounds fun

By Anonymous - 05/10/2022 19:00 - United States - Chester

Today, I discovered what it feels like to be extremely constipated while having a vomit-inducing migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 102

Whining at life

By 847 - 05/10/2022 15:30 - United States

Today, to get my wife off my back, I introduced our two single friends who are both into QAnon. Not only did they not click, but now they both call us regularly to embellish the insane difference between their beliefs and "what that moron believes." Same words from both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 575

Hots for therapist

By ouch - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saint Marys

Today, I found out that the only reason my husband agreed to marriage counselling is because he finds our therapist attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 466

You deserved it 2 906

Toxic people

By Anonymous - 05/10/2022 17:30

Today, I went out with my parents and a family friend. After saying goodbye to the friend and as soon as the elevator doors shut, my parents started trash-talking the friend's looks, stature, choice of clothes, etc. Now I understand a lot about my education growing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 110

Reactionaries need to pipe down

By FirstGradeTeach - 05/10/2022 15:00

Today, I had a parent come in for a conference. When she stepped into my classroom, she immediately went on a rant about how I’m "woke indoctrinating" her child and threatened to homeschool her. She then stormed out. I had a rainbow chart of the colors and a poster of multicolored hands. I teach 1st grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 191

Stay at home, never go out

By Anonymous - 05/10/2022 03:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went out for gas, the first time I've been out since my break up. As I was paying, a mob boss was killed in the parking lot. I was questioned for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 129

Three's a crowd

By Bisexual moron - 05/10/2022 08:00

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she cheated on me with my best friend. The best part is that I couldn't tell her a thing, because I actually cheated on her with the same friend before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 1 673

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I saw the woman I asked out last month in a relationship with another guy. She rejected me because she “wanted to focus on herself.” I texted her and asked why she had lied to me. She responded with, “Okay, you caught me. But can you blame me? I’m not attracted to butt ugly Martian-looking men.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 611

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said, "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 056

You deserved it 55 281

The Top

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 276

You deserved it 6 040

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 581

You deserved it 15 386

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonald's drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I pulled out of the line, only to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 816

You deserved it 59 281

Today, I found out that morning after pills don't work if you're already ovulating. I also found out that I might become a father wayyyy sooner than expected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 616

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules: No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 776

You deserved it 2 294

Today, I went to collect my clothes out of the dryer. Thinking it would be fun for my small dog, I brought her with me. I put her down and let her sniff around while I put my clean clothes in a basket. I turned around from putting more clothes in the dyer to catch her peeing in my clean clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 345

You deserved it 4 303