All the FMLs

Pre-partum depression

By Luzer - 18/09/2022 00:30 - Italy

Today, it’s been four and a half months that my wife is pregnant. It’s been a long and hard process, but we made it. Now she says she hates it, she can’t stop thinking about how her life, body, and identity got ruined, and how she wishes she was dead. I'm a simple man. I was happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 282

Seems reasonable

By Anonymous - 17/09/2022 22:00

Today, my new girlfriend tried to get me to quit being a gynaecologist because she says touching vaginas all day is low-key cheating on her. Lady, it took years of training to get this job, which I take very seriously, and we’ve only been on 4 dates. Between my career and you, I ain’t gonna choose you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 140

Adding insult to injury

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could retake a test. I thought I'd texted back, "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 004

You deserved it 26 644

Written in ink made from tears

By Popoi - 17/09/2022 11:00 - United States - Rochester

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past six months. I have a final tomorrow and have been busy crying, so guess I'll just have to fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 223

Red tape

By Anonymous - 17/09/2022 14:30 - Slovenia - Destrnik

Today, I found out I can't enroll in a course I need for my degree. I don't have the right prerequisites. They weren't posted anywhere. The applications for similar courses I could've taken instead have closed last week. I lost a year and a fuckton of money because I waited for the last minute, and now I can't get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 1 530

Pull your weight

By WtfDude - 17/09/2022 12:00

Today, we're both working parents. My husband gave a lecture about "mother's duties" and "dad's duties". Why? Because I asked him to get our toddler ready for school and change our son's diaper as I was down with severe COVID. For just one day, I asked him to do a part of my tasks. It's 2022, and I earn more than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 249

No Columbo

By Anonymous - 17/09/2022 09:30

Today, as my wife loves games, she set me a series of clues leading to our date night, where she's waiting for me. WHY? She knows how bad a problem solver I am. By the time she realised I was going to be hopelessly late, and answered my 50 missed calls, I’d only solved the first 2 clues out of 18 total. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 223

A brief ray of sunshine

By Wait, I'm not happy - 17/09/2022 07:00

Today, I had an extremely great day, to the point that I actually forgot for a moment that I suffer from depression. When I remembered, I became inexplicably sad, as usual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 290

Not a great start

By Durrrrrr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I went to a "party" with the boy whom I'm interested in. It was the first time I met his friends. Turns out he and all his friends are hardcore Christians who don't drink and are celibate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 725

You deserved it 11 958

Red-handed

By Anonymous - 16/09/2022 23:30

Today, I fell over and obviously tried to grab the nearest object to stop myself. It was my boss's skirt, and both my head and the skirt hit the floor at the same time. I can now confirm my boss goes commando and is a natural redhead, and also I’m suspended pending a HR investigation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 357

A real pro

By weddingplannerlyfe - 16/09/2022 21:00

Today, I had the wedding from hell. Nope, not a bridezilla, but a makeup artist-zilla who caused the ceremony to begin over an hour and a half late, and then tried to charge the bride for her delays. She then went nuts when confronted with the reality of her poor time management. “Professional” my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 105

No match for the overwhelming force

By biotch - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 289

You deserved it 6 542

Porch piracy

By Denofthieves - 16/09/2022 16:00

Today, I received a text saying that a package had just been delivered to the house. By the time I reached the front door, it had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 110

Smelly glasses for life

By Anonymous - 16/09/2022 06:30 - United States

Today, I used my towel on the counter to clean my glasses. Apparently, my foster cat had peed on it during the night. The wet towel hit my mouth. I started out my day with cat pee on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 313

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 16/09/2022 11:00 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, it's one day away from my wedding and two days away from our honeymoon trip. Today is also the day that, after dodging it for two years, I got Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 122

Slightly homophobic, but OK

By Reissa - 16/09/2022 07:30 - Canada

Today, I realized people think my boyfriend is gay because he loves romantic movies, gardening, shoe shopping, reading magazines, and bathing by himself in candlelight. After him asking me to cuddle and me to be the "big spoon," I'm starting to question it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 1 467

Buddy Rich is not dead

By DrumrollPlease - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, my father informed me that he plans to play a drum solo instead of making a speech at my wedding. And yes, he IS completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 708

You deserved it 2 164

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 134

Why? What? Where? When?

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 15:00 - United States - Bremerton

Today, my fiancée of 4 years decided she can't live with me anymore. She never gave a reason, just upped and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 204

Mom has an interesting past it seems…

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 14:30 - United States

Today, I was informed by my mother that my extremely long pinky fingernail could probably get me mistaken for a coke addict. My fingernails grow uncontrollably fast, and my pinky nail is completely natural. It just happens to grow much longer than the others. Imagine explaining that to a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 326

Out of the frying pan…

By Godhelpme - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, in a last-ditch attempt to get away from my psycho coworker, I made my boss transfer me to another branch in the district. My coworker was immediately moved to that branch, because we "work well together". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 107

You deserved it 4 777

Work faster

By Shoot me now - 15/09/2022 08:00 - United States - Falls Church

Today, my boss accused me of eyeing for a promotion when I suggested a solution to save our team time by staying on a 2-hour schedule in the mornings. He told me we average 3 hours for our production, but his goal for this area is 90 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 110

Adjusted for inflation

By Matt - 15/09/2022 11:30

Today, my 7 year-old daughter was counting all the money she made over the weekend from her lemonade stand. She made sixty dollars and said now she has more money than I do. She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 209

Viking issues

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 09:00

Today, after I spent 3 months growing my beard and hair so I could go for the Viking look, my mom told me I look almost eerily identical to the registered sex offender who lives 2 streets away. Out come the clippers, I’m going full bald. Three months wasted FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 260

Priorities

By Xixi - 15/09/2022 06:30

Today, my boyfriend says he “can’t afford” to buy some Pampers and formula for our daughter, yet he just pre-ordered the iPhone 14, and bought his weekly weed supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 553

Nice seeing you

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 616

You deserved it 1 813

Fatherhood

By Anonymous - 14/09/2022 23:00

Today, I got further proof my boyfriend isn’t a good dad. I had to leave him for about 4 hours to see my mom in hospital, but when I got home the baby was crying to be fed with a dirty nappy. I asked why she hadn’t been fed or changed. Apparently it never occurred to him that that’s why she was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 434

Muesli has gone too far

By SainsburysIsFine - 14/09/2022 20:30

Today, the lady of the house managed to buy all of the nastiest, yet somehow most expensive, items in the shop. You'd think pricey food would be tasty, but apparently the posh thing is grass clippings and wood shavings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 258

You're kidding me?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, after being stood up at a diner, I called the girl who was supposed to have met me. Turns out, she thought I was kidding when I asked her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 676

You deserved it 3 352

Better off

By Mysstou - 14/09/2022 09:30 - Canada - Laval

Today, I decided that since my best friend of 25 years always finds a reason not to come when I invited her to see the house I bought 6 months ago, I would stop asking, and wait for her to make the first move. Did I say today? I meant 14 months ago. I'm still waiting. I guess we're not friends anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 193

Keywords

Holidays Miscellaneous Family Thanksgiving Politics Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Christmas Scary Sex Awkward Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Friends Jealousy Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Mental health Therapy Covid

The Top

Today, my sister got her car insurance quote in the mail. You would think it would go way up after being charged with reckless driving. It went up $1 per month. My insurance went up $100 per month after I tapped someone's bumper a year ago. I wasn't even charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 554

You deserved it 1 682

Today, my husband returned from a 6-week business trip. During that time, I put myself on a very strict diet/exercise regimen so I could surprise him with a hefty weight loss. He took one look at me and demanded to know who I was fucking on the side. Yeah, because that’s the only reason I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 232

The Top

Today, I ran into my husband and his mistress. He was picking her up at the airport. I was catching a flight to a conference with my boss. He had flowers for her, and his arm around her. My boss knows my husband as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 119

Today, I went outside and walked to my car, only to see someone had hit and run my car while it was parked. My insurance company deemed my car a total loss. The person who did this never got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 92

Today, at work, we were talking about how Google apparently has a room full of puppies for when their employees are feeling stressed. I made a very loud joke about how we should get a room full of company prostitutes for when we feel stressed, not realizing there was a customer and my manager in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 2 116

Today, it's 4 in the morning and I can't sleep because of my blocked left nostril. It's been a month now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 128

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 819

You deserved it 126 941

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 042

You deserved it 5 879