All the FMLs

Skittish and wet

By JennieLee - 30/08/2024 16:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while in the shower, I heard my phone buzz. Expecting an important text, I leaned out to check it. I slipped, hit my head on the sink, and ended up stuck in the most awkward position possible with one leg in the shower and the other out. My roommate had to rescue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 203

Not a great sign, really

By anon - 30/08/2024 12:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I posted what I thought was a cute selfie on Instagram with the classic caption, "Feeling cute, might delete later." A few minutes later, my crush commented, "No need to wait, the delete button is right there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 536

Soggy mess

By Anonymous - 30/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I managed to wash my phone with my laundry. I didn’t realize it was in my jeans until I heard a thudding noise. After rescuing it from the depths of soggy clothes, I tried the rice trick to dry it out. A few hours later, my cat thought it was a new litter tray and promptly pissed in the rice, then spread it all over the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 222

Never going outside again

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, not only is my son a bully, but he's dumb enough to bully a kid whose parents both do martial arts. His mom is a cage fighter and his step-dad is a kickboxer. They're both huge, terrifying, and pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 579

In distress

By jdch_99 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 819

You deserved it 1 708

Fancy a brew?

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a meeting with our shop owner, who I’d never met before. We were in suits but the guy turned up in jeans, a flat cap hat, and the strongest Yorkshire accent I’ve ever encountered. I couldn’t understand a word he said. I couldn’t even tell if he was mad or not, it mostly sounded like swearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 118

Kids these days

By natasha - 29/08/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my stepdaughter flat out refused to eat her father’s mashed potatoes. Just a day ago, she was raving about how much she loved her dad’s cooking. Why would she lie? FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 126

Keep some things to yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Plymouth

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 566

You deserved it 75 783

In space no one can hear you fart

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 10:00 - United States - Claymont

Today, I was at a water park when my stomach started to hurt. I didn’t think anyone was behind me so was I ripped ass so hard, I almost shat myself. However, there was someone behind me, and the look they gave me was disturbing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 620

Sleep cycles

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 08:00 - United States - Washington

Today, my roommate gets up at 3:30am for work and wakes me up each time. I try not to complain about it, but whenever I come back to the apartment at midnight, she gets mad that I woke her up. I told her that she wakes me up in the morning, but apparently that’s different because she’s going to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 133

Cease to resist, giving my goodbye

By The song is "Wave of Mutilation" by Pixies. Love the song, hate myself. - 29/08/2024 06:00

Today, it was my last vacation day in Hawaii. It was lovely, I was happy. Then I heard a certain song about suicide at the airport, which triggered a severe depressive episode. Then the airline misplaced the bag with my pills. Now I'm struggling with suicidal thoughts while trying not to break down and cry in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 225

Valuetainment

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 09:00 - Canada

Today, I was trying to entertain my crush at a party by showing off my juggling skills. I confidently grabbed three random objects, not realizing one was a jar of pickles. Mid-juggle, the jar slipped and shattered, splashing pickle juice all over my crush. She just stared at me in disbelief, while I stood there smelling like vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 710

Healthcare for all!

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, it's one of the many monotonous days I have endured in this damn third world country after I found out that my dad had cancer and we moved here for his treatment. My skin condition has spread all over my body from the stress, so I constantly feel absolutely repulsed by my own reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 134

Pissed

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 671

You deserved it 3 079

Scary monsters

By Poultry - 29/08/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I was playing a game of charades with my in-laws. I had to get them to guess the movie "Chicken Run," so I started flapping my arms, clucking loudly, and running around. I was really getting into it when I noticed everyone looking horrified. Turns out, my mother-in-law is terrified of chicken, and I just about triggered her a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 100

Please leave

By Yada yada yada - 28/08/2024 22:00 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow some tools. Trying to be friendly, I asked how he was doing. He then spent the next 45 minutes describing his recent breakup in excruciating detail. I just wanted him to take the tools and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 161

Freeze

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 20:00 - United States - Plano

Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 143

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 679

You deserved it 45 404

Introverts unite (from a distance)!

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to explain to my mum that "introverted" just means "doesn’t like large crowds and likes long periods of solitude." She stubbornly insists it means "antisocial prick not interested in being part of the family, who can move the fuck out of her house" when I turn 18 in 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 148

Where did you get that from?

By So much wrong - 28/08/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 138

Absolutely disgusting

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 11:00

Today, my boyfriend uses the same thermos mug for everything he drinks; water, coffee, cider, vodka, everything. This afternoon, I looked inside and it was slimy and black in places. I demanded to know when he last washed it. His answer, “Um, when did I buy it?” I can’t kiss him anymore, I feel sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 101

No joke

By It was worth a shot - 28/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at a local restaurant. When I went to pay my bill, one of the owners jokingly said, "Are you here to apply for a job?" Since I've been unemployed for a while and trying to find work, I said, "What would you like me to do?" She replied, "That was a rhetorical question." I knew it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 96

What happened? Where are we?

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 06:00 - Italy

Today, I'm aware that being tied up by your rugby friends is something that happens after a night of drinking. Still being tied the following morning is less fun, especially when you’re outside a local school on a Monday morning, wearing nothing but a feather boa around your waist, and zip ties on your arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 193

File vs. Folder

By NotThatButton - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter, and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 588

You deserved it 21 939

Wakey wakey

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I took a quick nap in my car during my lunch break. I'd set an alarm but forgot to turn my car off, having switched the AC on due to the blistering heat. The cool air lulled me to sleep. When I woke up, my boss was knocking on my window. Apparently, I'd knocked the car into neutral and it had rolled into his parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 531

Where am I right now?

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 13:00 - United States - Livermore

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. While they were singing Happy Birthday to me, my mother called me by my brother's name. When I blew out the candles a moment later, I joked, "I wish my mother could remember which son I am." Before we had even started eating the cake, she called me by my father's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 77

Freedom!

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 513

Emotional rollercoaster

By ehcanadianeh - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 999

You deserved it 12 359

Mix up

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 16:00 - Australia

Today, I got a text from an unknown number that said, "Are you free tonight?" Thinking it was a friend messing around, I responded with, "Only if you're buying booze and dinner." The reply a few minutes later was, "This is Dr. Peters, your dentist. You missed your appointment today. You need to reschedule." FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 451

Old hag

By Michael McMike - 27/08/2024 12:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was trying to compliment a colleague on her new hairstyle. I said, "I love how you did your hair today, it makes you look so mature!" She didn't take it as a compliment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 437

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Embarrassing Awkward Health Love Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic

The Top

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 199

You deserved it 17 042

Today, yet again I had to lie to a date about what I do for a living, because every time I tell someone the truth, that I work in private equity, they have some choice words about "people like me ruining things" and "ruining the housing prices." I feel like an evil James Bond or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 526

The Top

Today, my mom sold my watch collection on Vinted. I've spent over 15 years on the collection and I don't even live with my mom. I'm still wondering how she got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 139

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 028

You deserved it 3 793

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying two minutes of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 626

You deserved it 1 577

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I don't pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well, technically, my fiancée." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 394

You deserved it 14 238

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 010

You deserved it 7 412

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 835

You deserved it 3 637