All the FMLs

Litter

By MrSlav - 12/11/2020 17:57 - Lithuania - Siauliai

Today, I rubbed my heel raw with a new shoe, so I put a bandaid on and went to the pool. A few minutes later, I noticed the bandaid floating close to me. I'm not an ass so I quickly fished it out and put in the pocket of my swimming trunks. Later, I went to shower and noticed that my bandaid was still on my heel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 185

Luck of the draw

By Jordan - 12/11/2020 05:02 - United States - Herndon

Today, I waited 3 hours and paid $360 to have a routine tuneup done on my old car. As I pulled into my driveway, about to turn off the engine, one of my headlights blew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 67

Online classes can be tricky

By Daniella - 12/11/2020 11:03 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I accidentally unmuted my mic during a class, and normally it would've just been silence, but dumb old me just had to sing a song at the top of my lungs, and I only stopped when my phone blew up with notifications. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 1 150

Deal with it

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 22:02 - Argentina - Mar De Ajo

Today, apparently having mood swings at 37 weeks pregnant is being "braggy" according to my husband, and totally not acceptable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 154

Mansplaning #2764

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I got mansplained for trying to help a guy secure a machine to a trailer. Not only did he bring the wrong trailer, he tried to ratchet it onto the axle. I load and unload trailers at least once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 136

Living in another world

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 14:08 - Canada - Fort Frances

Today, I played The Sims just so I'd know what it was like to live alone, own a home, and have a well-paying job that didn't slowly kill me from the inside out. It was the happiest I've been in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 140

Walk on the wild side

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 07:01 - United States - Tyler

Today, I had to go get my fiancé's car so it wouldn't get impounded after he was arrested at 12 a.m. and charged with a felony. I just got out of prison in March, and we get married next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 3 276

Drama Queen

By sam - 11/11/2020 03:03 - United States - Denver

Today, my daughter lightly bumped her hand on a wall, cried and screamed for 5 minutes, vomited, then passed out. She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 274

Freshman blues

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 09:04 - Rwanda - Kigali

Today, I found out there’s a university email platform I never knew about. I’m a freshman and I’ve been using my personal email to communicate with the lecturers. Now I’ve got a pile of assignments to do and most of them are overdue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 1 295

Living my best life

By Mike - 11/11/2020 03:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I just turned 40 and have gone teetotal, had no birthday party due to having burned all my bridges with friends and the community in my 20s, and now me and my cat are both scratching non-stop because my apartment seems to have an infestation of dust mites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 885

There's no helping some people

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 20:02 - United States - Livingston

Today, I was helping a 93 year-old hoarder organize her home. She asked me to make ropes from old plastic bags, fold bags in a specific odd way, then fit four large boxes of bags into one smaller one. I said I couldn't do those, nor fit four boxes in one. "Why are you here if you can’t do things?" she said. I’m a professional home organizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 322

It's not unusual

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 20:02

Today, I complimented my crush. No, I didn't call her beautiful or sexy, though those definitely apply. No, instead, I called her scrumptious. I can't even begin to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 295

Broke

By hobo no-no - 10/11/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I saw my ex asking for change outside a store. I was so shocked and sad to see him in such a position, I offered to take him home with me, let him shower and cook him a good meal. He laughed in my face and said, "Nah, I just do this for some quick bucks. It’s easier than working." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 156

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

By look in the mirror bitch - 10/11/2020 14:04

Today, I called someone out for her brazen homophobia. She was ranting about how gays are sinners. When I mentioned that she had three children by three different men, all out of wedlock, and was currently living with her boyfriend, also considered a sin, she reported me to HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 259

Man child, part 2

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I was told I'm lazy by my boyfriend because I skipped work. He skips his all the time and when I get home still have to cook and clean up after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 300

Music nerds of the world unite!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 05:03

Today, I woke up this morning to find out I have lost all ability to hear. Not only is that medically concerning, it also means that now I can’t listen to the new albums I just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 97

Man child

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02

Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 191

Rock n Roll is a dirty business

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 23:01

Today, I was in a band with some friends and we got our first gig at a local festival, but I'd already agreed to work serving drinks at the festival. My bandmates got really annoyed and kicked me out of the band. They then went ahead and performed the song that I WROTE, without me, at the festival where I was working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 881

Welcome back!

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 20:02

Today, it's the last day of my three-week vacation, during which I couldn't go anywhere due to COVID and lockdown. I just learned that some of my colleagues are infected and I will have to fill in for two department superintendents at the same time when I go back to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 96

Can't see for shit

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 14:02

Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 233

Monday blues

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 11:02

Today, I asked my boss if I could take a vacation day for my birthday on Monday. She called to tell me yes, and then told me I'm getting laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 84

Yummy

By Nawel - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I helped myself to a piece of a cake brought by guests at a birthday party. I didn't like it much so I discreetly attempted to give it to the girl next to me. I asked her, "Do you want some? It's sort of disgusting." She replied, "Thanks, I made it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 217

You deserved it 36 068

Planned assault

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 08:03

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be wise to joke that we needed to postpone our reunion for another week. We haven't seen each other for almost 4 months, due to events out of our control. He thinks he's funny. He'll get punched when we do see each other again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 1 215

Not prepared enough

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 05:01

Today, I had a maths test and I realised that I'd studied the wrong topics. The teacher said the test would be difficult and I stayed up till 1 a.m. just to be prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 526

Pompous twat

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 06:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, this guy who I thought was my friend said that my "existence is of minimal consequence," and that I'm "an individual I clearly don't acknowledge." All this after he'd said, "I'm not trying to hurt you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 91

In-laws, in-fighting

By MsGamerLady - 08/11/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, like every time I visit the in-laws, my father-in-law is driving me crazy. He gets all holier than thou sometimes, and even my mother-in-law agrees he just talks to hear himself speak. It gets so bad that I resort to cleaning their house to ignore him. At least then he leaves me alone. Starting their dishes in 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 116

Bored

By V.. - 08/11/2020 20:58 - South Africa

Today, I still have no idea why I got married. All my wife does is drink Coke and watch TV. Perhaps the silver lining is that she's not doing coke in powder form. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 367

Craft beer bores

By Sticky - 08/11/2020 17:02 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, just before bed, I decided to put away the dry washing. I ended up knocking over my boyfriend's precious brewing ginger beer. It took me an hour to clean it off the floor, cupboards, door, outside and inside of the fridge. Everything is still sticky and smells of yeast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 375

Chemical warfare

By Danielle Heichelbech - 08/11/2020 08:02 - United States

Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 166

Still pining

By Anonymous - 08/11/2020 11:03 - Austria - Innsbruck

Today, I had a meeting in the town where my ex-girlfriend works. After the meeting, I bought some ice cream and sat on a bench in a public place. She came across with her girlfriends laughing and obviously having fun. She only looked in my direction briefly. I threw the ice cream into the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 1 224

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our one year anniversary and that it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two packs of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 673

You deserved it 10 784

Today, I was using self-checkout at the grocery store, and the machine flipped out and started randomly announcing, "Please wait for assistance." No one came to help, but the machine just kept loudly repeating it until everyone stared at me like I was trying to steal grapes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 63

The Top

Today, I nearly got written up at work for missing an important memo. The memo was sent to everyone via the company Facebook group and not by our e-mail system. My manager could hardly believe people exist who have no Facebook account and have no intention of making one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 988

You deserved it 2 406

Today, I failed to get my driver's licence. My father was the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 100

You deserved it 28 173

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 758

You deserved it 6 944

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 202

You deserved it 6 700

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 977

You deserved it 3 188

Today, a soldier in my unit had unknowingly lost a GPS in the woods and my section was sent to go find it. After hours of wading through chest high swamps in 32 degree weather, the GPS was found, thanks to the soldier who lost it. It was in his vest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 183

You deserved it 2 328