All the FMLs

By seriouslysinglenomingle - 06/11/2017 12:00 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I realized that I can recognize each member of my disgusting family by the sound and smell of their farts. I can’t wait to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 413

You deserved it 383

By Wellthissucks - 06/11/2017 15:26

Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 230

You deserved it 483

Kinky.

By Domo731 - 05/11/2017 13:00 - United States - Johnson City

Today, I drank from a soda can that was on my floor. Unfortunately, it was my boyfriend’s pee. He was too lazy to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 335

You deserved it 4 954

By Anonymous - 05/11/2017 15:00

Today, my husband accused me of cheating on him and demanded to look through my phone. When he found nothing, he admitted to having his first gay experience this weekend and just wanting something to “even the field” before telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 489

You deserved it 431

By Juanald - 05/11/2017 05:00

Today, after being moved to three different employer-provided apartments because they all had mold and electrical problems, I requested a bigger bed. The bed they delivered had bedbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 668

You deserved it 380

By WipeYaBooty - 04/11/2017 15:00 - United States - Franklin

Today, I woke up with chest pain. It hurt just to breathe, but my parents made me go to school anyway. We're now sitting in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 711

You deserved it 273

By "missunknowno9" - 04/11/2017 06:46

Today, it was my best friend's birthday, so we all went out for drinks. She had a little too much and needed to be picked up so I opened her phone and called "bae." That's when I found out that not only does my husband have a second phone, but he's also cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 579

You deserved it 548

missunknowno9 tells us more.

missunknowno9 8

Monday 30 October 2017 17:47

1. Because I wasn't cutting my night short, because we have children and we finally had a babysitter for once. So I was enjoying my night. 2. I chose "Bae," because that's generally what someone puts in their phone as their significant other... ?

By Jay - 04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 293

You deserved it 361

By deuceaddict - 03/11/2017 21:00

Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 759

You deserved it 298

By secretsant4 - 03/11/2017 14:00

Today, at an 8 a.m. spin class, I knelt on the floor to set up my bike. The bike next to me was too close, and while the girl on it was pedaling to warm up, she pedaled down hard onto my heel, breaking my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 896

You deserved it 473

By workworkwork - 03/11/2017 05:00

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered 3 before lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 520

You deserved it 440

By my boyfriend is a slut - 03/11/2017 04:00

Today, I took my new boyfriend to my step-sister's wedding. He knew more people there than I did, including 3 bridesmaids he used to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 902

You deserved it 501

Yeet it

By Sasquatch - 02/11/2017 22:14

Today, while showering, I noticed a spider drowning in the bath. Spiders gross me out but I felt a moral duty to save it. Reluctantly, I scooped it up and carried it to safety. Then I realised it was my housemate's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 792

You deserved it 1 269

By Doglover - 02/11/2017 14:00

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 914

You deserved it 954

Go Team!

By Gayer men’s team - 02/11/2017 04:00

Today, I was sexting my girlfriend when I accidentally sent one to my swim team’s group chat. This means that 19 men got a picture of me flexing with everything on display. Worst part? I got more compliments from them than I ever got from my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 807

You deserved it 1 394

By OiVey - 01/11/2017 18:30 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, I found out that I've been taking the wrong math class all semester. We're only a few weeks from finals and I have no drops left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 302

You deserved it 1 566

By potatohead - 01/11/2017 18:00

Today, I had a nasty headache so I tried to take a nap. Unfortunately, my college had a homecoming parade a block away from where I live. I never knew our marching band sounded that awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 425

You deserved it 295

By missionfailed - 01/11/2017 05:26

Today, I took my dog back to the vet because her face was completely swollen and her stomach was bright red and blotchy. It's obviously the medication she just started, but my vet doesn't believe dogs have allergic reactions. It's the only vet in the area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 387

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 01/11/2017 04:00

Today, three days before their rent was due, my fiancé's friends moved out of our basement without saying a word to us. On their way out, they took an envelope from my locked desk with $800 in it that was for our wedding in six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 291

You deserved it 309

By egsrox95 - 01/11/2017 00:30

Today, my best friend had the balls to call me an alcoholic. She snuck vodka on a cruise ship in a Listerine bottle. I've never had a drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 816

You deserved it 344

By Adulting - 31/10/2017 21:24

Today, I accidentally washed an entire box of macaroni and cheese with a load of laundry. I'm 25 and do not have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 042

You deserved it 2 678

By Anonymous - 31/10/2017 13:36 - United States - New Castle

Today, a student turned in homework she copied off an online answer key. The wrong key. My students are too stupid to cheat right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 842

You deserved it 311

By Jason - 31/10/2017 04:00

Today, I found out that my best friend's dad used my internet connection to make threats online. I'm going to have to go to court for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 313

You deserved it 268

By Anonymous - 30/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I was so proud of a clever analogy I'd written to a friend in a text, that I “dropped the mic” afterward. I realized what I'd done a split second before the phone hit the ground and shattered into a million pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 5 542

A job well done.

By belly the jelly - 30/10/2017 21:00

Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 575

You deserved it 689

By Sarah grace - 30/10/2017 01:30

Today, I challenged my husband to look after our twins by himself all day, like I normally do. When I got home, both babies had on clean nappies and clothes, dinner was cooked, the house was spotless, and 3 loads of washing were done. Smug bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 562

You deserved it 7 922

By ConfusedFiancé - 29/10/2017 22:00

Today, I stumbled across my boyfriend's tumblr page. I've known him for years and never knew he had one. Being curious, I decided to give it a look, only to be ambushed by a wall of furry porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 249

You deserved it 837

By what-the-what - 29/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 781

You deserved it 300

By Fuck irony - 29/10/2017 10:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I was volunteering at a soup kitchen and was advised to leave my wallet and cell phone in my car so they wouldn’t be stolen. Someone broke into my car and stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 993

You deserved it 507

Strike

By Cameron - 29/10/2017 06:00

Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 455

You deserved it 518

Keywords

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The Top

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 169

You deserved it 4 025

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 903

You deserved it 7 919

The Top

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 674

You deserved it 3 756

Today, my parents insisted that despite the fact I've just turned sixteen, I have to save them money by ordering from the children's menu, because I "still look like a twelve year-old." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 728

You deserved it 4 111

Today, my jeans got caught in the airport escalators. Seeing as how we couldn't get them unstuck, my mother made me take them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 312

You deserved it 3 275

Today, my grandpa moved into the house to live with my family. Along with having to share a room with him, he swears that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 796

You deserved it 3 543

Today, despite the fact of learning I'm now over 300 pounds, causing a major blow to my self-esteem, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband if he wanted a blowjob. Unfortunately, he's trying out new mental meds and they've killed his sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 530

Today, I went in for a job interview. Apparently, this company feels masks are optional, vaccines are optional, and I don't ever need to visit my grandmother with dementia again. Luckily, I was able to escape before I needed to quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 540