All the FMLs

Mr Motivator

By Anonymous - 09/03/2024 14:00 - Yemen - Sanaa

Today, I found that my medical school has lost its WFME (World Federation for Medical Education) accreditation and my certificate (that I should be obtaining in two years) will be worthless. To pour salt into the wound, I have finals next week and it's hard to stay motivated after this kind of news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 79

Be careful out there

By Burningeyes - 09/03/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when a lady approached me, commented how beautiful she was, and asked to pet her. I obliged and next thing I knew I was pushed to the ground and maced. She made off with my dog. The police is unable to locate them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 75

Covid is soooooo 2019

By Anonymous - 09/03/2024 15:00 - Australia - Wacol

Today, after making a 3.5 hour trip to see his parents, my boyfriend found out his dad has COVID. He doesn't understand why I'm upset that they waited until after he was there to tell him. I'm immunocompromised, and can't afford to miss work. My boyfriend still wants to come home after being around him for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 116

RIP

By funnnyyyyy -_- - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Nepal - Kathmandu

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked, I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 241

You deserved it 6 720

Foreshadowing is a literary device…

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 23:00

Today, I told my wife I wanted to reconnect with my religion. She told me that if I wanted to I could, but to expect divorce papers when I got back because she doesn’t intend to be married to one of those boring ass religious nut jobs ruining her Sunday mornings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 782

The Crazy World of Arthur Brown

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, our new chef managed to start a grease fire. We couldn’t put it out because he managed to splash the flaming grease onto the fire extinguisher. Yes, we couldn’t put out a fire because our fire extinguisher was on fire. The fire department guys just laughed and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 102

Suckerpunched

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the imperial fist of spring allergies knocked me flat on my ass. The time I was going to spend at the outdoor concert I paid $80 for was instead spent in my car, driving back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 124

You deserved it 3 166

Creepy podcast idea

By WhatTheActual - 08/03/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband likes to stand in front of the bathroom door when my sister (who we took in since my parents died) goes in, and he listens to her urinate. He also has voice memos on his phone of her urinating noises. He claims he’s not doing anything wrong because he’s “not touching her or anything.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 110

STOP! BAD DOG!

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, the family dog escaped and I ran after her. She started attacking a random dog, so I started clapping and yelling, trying to get her attention. After I got her away, my hands started swelling. I clapped my hands so hard that they're swollen and bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 457

In transit

By Unexpected Journey Chronicles - 08/03/2024 09:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, I was supposed to fly Prague, but emergency landed in Vienna. No word from the company or airport. After 4 hours of waiting, I took a FlixBus. Just as it left, I got a call: new plane in 90 minutes. My girlfriend was eagerly anticipating my return, ready for some fun, but now I'm delayed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 150

Catcalled

By Hmmm - 07/03/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I tried to talk to my cat, but accidentally called him by the wrong name. He responded immediately to the incorrect name I used. Meanwhile, his actual name rarely, if ever, grabs his attention. My cat hates his name. It's way too late to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 468

That escalated quickly

By lonelyharts86 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 256

You deserved it 3 898

Simmer down

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I got yelled at by my mother for making noise after midnight. What was the noise? The microwave as I made something to eat. I work the night shift and had just come home from work, and I'm the only person in this house with a job. Apparently, me not paying her overdue bills cancels that out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 93

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 08:00 - Australia

Today, I had to temporarily remove the drain pipe under the sink. I absentmindedly poured the stinky water from the trap into the now drainless sink, and flooded the cupboard I was working in with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 518

Another "nice guy" bites the dust

By Blueberrypie - 07/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to dinner. At the end, he told me that he’s had feelings for me for a while and wants to be more than friends. I don’t see him that way, so I tried to gently reject him and wanted us to stay friends. He stiffed me with the bill and said, “You can walk home then, buddy!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 204

Forbidden

By grounded - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phones at the table rule" and took my phone away until I could learn "proper table manners." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 579

You deserved it 48 080

Kinda sussy

By HiddenGF - 07/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of a year is talking to another woman on Instagram. When I go to bed, he talks to her until 2-3am, and while I’m at work too, all day long. Their conversations are friendly, but he seems more enthusiastic with her than me. This explains why he doesn’t feature me in his stories and posts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 118

Trashy

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, after my dad insisted that the trash go out last night, even though I always take it out in the morning because of the stray dog problem in our neighborhood, I took it anyway to appease him. He woke me up banging on my door and screaming because the strays had thrown the trash all over the road in the night, and he blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 74

What?

By Candlestick Maker - 07/03/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I went to a doctor's appointment to figure out why I've suddenly started going deaf. As it turns out, for some reason my ears now produce wax at an alarmingly fast rate. "Enough to make an entire candle before long if you save it up," the doctor said when she cleared them out. I guess this is my life now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 76

All you can eat buffet of shit

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my dad insisted on taking us to a local buffet that is known for bad food and botulism. He kept piling things onto a plate for me, despite my objections. A waitress commented on how much was on my plate. I told her I wasn't hungry, and it was my dad's doing. Her response, "Your skinny self needs to eat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 98

He's got game

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I caught my son sneaking a woman out of his room at 5 a.m. After she was gone, I started with the questions, one of which was, “Well, what’s her name?” His response was, “No idea, I only met her last week.” I’ve raised one of “those guys.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 209

Man up

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was the flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 679

You deserved it 3 227

Boots on the ground

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 18:00 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I learned that my husband is getting deployed for we don’t know how long, and I’ll be left all alone, in a different country far away from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 188

Indoctrination

By This is why people are abandoning religion. - 06/03/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I found out that when my best friend and I were kids, our parents would cancel playdates when either of us opted to not go to church. They said it would, "strengthen our faith." We are now both adults and staunch atheists for that reason, and we're spending way more time together to make up for this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 144

Unnerved

By Greenskies - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France - Corneilla-del-vercol

Today, I was talking to my boss at the end of an awesome internship. He said he was really satisfied with my work, and that he had considered hiring me. Turns out he decided not to because I smile too much, and it freaks him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 989

You deserved it 1 998

Overreaction

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 15:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend but she refused. Why? Because instead of asking her, “Will you marry me?” I asked her to “be my wife.” She flew off the handle because “my wife” suggests she would be mine, like ownership, like domestic slavery. I don’t want to marry her anymore; she’s nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 197

Exploitation

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my boss sprang a company workshop on us that I was not informed of, which kept me at work until 10 PM. He expected us all back at 8 AM the next day to continue. On a good day it takes me 3 hours to commute. I got written up for being 10 minutes late to the workshop, after getting up at 4 AM to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 118

Tasteful

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom - Greenwich

Today, my girlfriend got a new tattoo - the Blink-182 logo on her stomach. I wouldn't mind it, except she got pregnant a month ago and I'm pretty sure that it can't good for the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 282

Priorities

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was sent by my mother and her boyfriend to pick up some take-out. After getting the food, I began to turn out once the traffic light was green. An asshole cop sped past the red light and slammed into my car, totaling it. When I called my house, my mom's boyfriend asked, "Where's our dinner?" I'm fine, by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 78

The struggle is real

By Any mouse - 05/03/2024 21:00 - United States

Today, I'm a 46 year-old woman who hates online dating, and who is now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 191

Keywords

AITA Awkward First Dates Love Cute Dogs Animals Am I overreacting? Alcohol Relatable Food Health Thanksgiving Politics Family Holidays Miscellaneous Transportation Cars Sex Intimacy Cheating Suspicious Contraception Poopoo peepee Kids Gross Accident Gifts Birthday

The Top

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 220

You deserved it 5 961

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did I remembered there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper; he never did, and came out without socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 524

You deserved it 5 800

The Top

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 861

You deserved it 15 810

Today, I managed to electrocute myself on a plug socket while I was showing a group of trainee electricians how not to electrocute themselves while rewiring a plug socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 234

You deserved it 1 614

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 172

You deserved it 59 089

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 046

You deserved it 31 136

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 600

You deserved it 2 256

Today, I received a call offering me a job with the census bureau. I applied for this job 6 months ago while I was still fighting tooth and nail to stay where I was. Since I didn't get the job, I was evicted from my apartment, got on public assistance, and moved from North Carolina to Florida with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 700

You deserved it 2 549