Miscellaneous

Badum tish!

By oof ok - 01/08/2024 13:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I told my friend that my new neighbor's name is Sandra and "that's pretty much all I know." She responded with, "You're right, Sandra is a pretty name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 141

It wasn't me

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Modesto

Today, I got detention at school because a girl told the principal I was stalking her on campus. I wasn't stalking her, we just have very similar schedules. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 497

You deserved it 1 766

You hypocrite

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 062

You deserved it 6 556

Newsflash from beyond the grave

By Anonymous - 28/07/2024 13:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I found out my deceased grandmother never liked anything that I bought for her. She would never say anything to not hurt my feelings. The only reason I bought those things in the first place was because growing up she told me that she liked them. Now that she's gone, I'm hearing what she really thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 92

Creeper alert!

By creeper-status - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Irvine

Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 568

You deserved it 1 068

Oddly specific gift

By Anonymous - 27/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I gave a housewarming gift to my new neighbor, a cookbook titled "Quick and Easy Meals for the Busy Bachelor." He thanked me awkwardly and later mentioned that he and his husband have been married for ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 676

Impressive

By Kris - 27/07/2024 12:00 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I tried to blow my girlfriend's vegan parents minds by cooking them a tofu stir-fry. Being allergic to tofu but wanting to prove my cooking skills, I wore gloves and avoided touching my face. Somehow, I still managed to get it in my eye, causing an allergic reaction that made my face swell up like a balloon. Now her parents think I'm some sort of Martian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 421

Advice wanted

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 17:00 - United States - Chaska

Today, I'm wondering if I can forgive someone who I was there for when they were at their lowest, but when I was at mine, they dropped me and told me they couldn’t help me, and I can't talk to them about it anymore? FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 99

Astronomical

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, my phone alarm went off at 3 AM. I don't remember setting it, but it turns out I'd somehow activated an old "Wake up for a meteor shower" reminder. Despite it being the wrong day by months, I got up, looked outside, and only then did my brain kick into gear and I realized it was set for the wrong date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 182

What did you say?

By Anonymous - 25/07/2024 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, whenever I get into arguments, I end up mixing up words. I was trying to prove a point by saying a type of chips, and was debating between Dorito chips or BBQ chips. I ended up saying "burrito chips." I said my friend would "sell me out for a bag of burrito chips." FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 311

Time is on my side

By Old soul - 25/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I, a person who will be 21 in a few months, was mistaken for my mom's older brother. My mom is in her fifties. Apparently this is becoming increasingly common, because the world sucks. I didn't realize it was affecting me this badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 139

Old dog, new tricks

By Anonymous - 25/07/2024 00:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, for my mom's birthday, I couldn't figure out what to get her, so I just took some of her jewelry, wrapped it up, and re-gifted it. She recognized it instantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 1 374

Costume parties are the worst

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 563

You deserved it 57 485

Great party

By Anonymous - 24/07/2024 19:00

Today, what should have been a nice family dinner ended with my wife standing over me, staring me dead in the eyes, while endlessly repeating, “Get him out of my house, get him out of my house…” until I agreed to take my drunk brother to a hotel to sleep it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 755

OCD or asshole?

By Ellie - 23/07/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I got home to my grandma yelling at the top of her lungs that I didn't do everything I was supposed to when I was home. I literally washed dishes, cleaned counters, vacuumed, gathered trash, AND cleaned the bathroom. I didn't fold my blankets. That's it. That's what she was yelling about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 100

Control

By Person - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my cousin invited me to an event that'll be happening on Saturday night. The first thing I did after she texted me was ask my mom if I could go. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 687

You deserved it 2 441

Reality bites hard

By Valan - 22/07/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with a place that does Terramation (turns you into compost) to plan for my Mom who has stage 4 lung cancer. It feels surreal to have a professional conversation about plans and finances for when my Mom meets her end. I'm glad she knows what she wants, and it isn't a last minute deal, but dang… FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 81

Get me out of this mess!

By Anonymous - 21/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, two more years until I can move out. My mom takes up so much space in the house, even in my room, I don't even have enough space for my own clothes, and I'm not allowed to get rid of ones that don't fit. How am I supposed to survive another two years here when I have a breakdown about her suffocating me once a week? FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 96

Thirfty and frugal

By BasicallySodaFlavoredWater - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents decided that the best way to save money was to dilute everything we drank with water. Only one more year of watered down soda and juice to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 394

You deserved it 2 490

Energy saving

By I can't win - 19/07/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my parents had me pet-sitting their cats again, since they were going to be gone all day. I noticed their oven was on and wanted to turn it off, but when I do they always yell at me because they "had plans for dinner." This time however, they yelled at me for NOT turning it off, because they'd already ate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 100

You OK, dude?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "Beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 483

You deserved it 37 309

Pointless

By Anonymous - 19/07/2024 13:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I was simply trying to fix my skateboard wheels with my pocket knife. The tip suddenly broke off, leaving me horrified. It was my favorite knife, which I inherited from my dad who abandoned me when I was 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 380

Anthropomorphism

By Anonymous - 19/07/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom - Southend

Today, I spent hours making an elaborate bird feeder for my backyard. It was finally ready, and I proudly hung it up, imagining the birds chirping happily. Instead, a squirrel discovered it within minutes, devoured all the birdseed, and then gave me a smug look before knocking the feeder to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 155

Uncoordinated

By Synneve - 18/07/2024 20:00 - Norway

Today, I tried to catch a rogue soccer ball at the park. I sprinted, leapt into the air, and managed to catch it. I also managed to trip on a picnic blanket, crash into a stroller (which was thankfully empty), and fall face-first into a salad bowl full of potato salad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 520

More brain worms please

By Kilye - 18/07/2024 09:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I spent what seemed like an hour tearing apart my living room looking for the TV remote, only to find it in the fridge next to the milk. It turns out that last night I decided to put my cereal away in the entertainment center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 324

Low blow

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found myself crying in the bathroom because I started to feel lonely and depressed. My mother came into the bathroom, hearing me cry and gave me an hour long speech about what a beautiful human being I am… And to not forget to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 945

You deserved it 5 839

You should be dancing, yeah?

By Anonymous - 17/07/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a man joined our dance group who is at least 10 stone overweight with a belly hanging over his belt. When I tell you he is leaps and bounds a much better dancer than me, I'm underselling how good he is. I fully admit I’m jealous, but he makes all my efforts seem laughable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 417

Experimental cuisine

By Nicky - 16/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 101

What? Why?

By Anonymous - 16/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 1 064

What's the plan?

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 18:00 - Canada - Capreol

Today, and for the last two weeks, my husband has been playing hide and go seek with the internet router and my iPad to, I guess, try and punish/annoy me. I keep finding them, use them when he’s not home, and put them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 109

Keywords

Animals Cats Awkward Christmas Health Embarrassing Work Love Boredom Anniversary Abuse Intimacy Ironic Alcohol AITA Am I overreacting? Drunk Transportation Parents Gun control Kids Language Noise Mysterious Relatable Money Delivery Miscellaneous Food Family

The Top

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 255

You deserved it 79 299

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 332

You deserved it 6 125

The Top

Today, me and the missus went for a boozy meal in our local pub. We stumbled home, and full of lager-fuelled love and courage, I asked her, "We getting married then or what?" She replied, "We're already married, you daft cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 1 287

Today, my girlfriend's bastard ex whispered in my ear that, "she used to suck my cock with that mouth, think about that the next time she tries to kiss you." Now it's all I can picture every time she kisses me, and it's lowkey disgusting, and turns me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 1 972

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 323

You deserved it 21 501

Today, although many years ago I promised myself to never love a member of the armed forces due to the danger of losing him early, I did in fact fall in love with a soldier. Never mind though, as you can't lose what isn't yours in the first place, but rather your friend's husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 1 204

Today, I was called an assortment of names and was almost followed home by a crazy bitch. Why? Because I stated that it was unsanitary for her to bring her dog to a grocery store. She clearly disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 711

You deserved it 7 572

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 457

You deserved it 52 780