Parents

Thanks for reminding me

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 18:00

Today, my son's school called and made a comment about only calling me because my wife didn’t answer her phone. My wife is dead. It’s in his record that his mom is dead, and yet they still tried to call her before me, because I suppose dads aren’t real parents like moms are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 84

Deadbeat

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 10:00

Today, after my dad ran off 15 years ago, during which time my mom died, and I had to become my brother's legal guardian and somehow get both me and then him through university while working 4 jobs, my dad turned up on our street. He tried to flirt with me, because he didn’t recognise me. Scumbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 401

You deserved it 103

You wanker

By Anonymous - 30/03/2022 22:00

Today, I work for the police as a computer analyst. My dad, who thinks it’s only a real job if you come home covered in grease every day, still tells his friends my job is to sit in a dark room wanking on the internet all day. And he wonders why we barely speak anymore.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 165

The usual suspects

By Anonymous - 30/03/2022 11:00 - United States - Bassett

Today, I woke up to my mom calling me. I'm 90 miles away, staying at my cousin's. Someone shit on the windshield of her car, and she is blaming my friends, and is pissed at me who is out of town, and my friends who I believe were driving to a out of state concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 118

Drunken ramblings

By VHgolf1989 - 30/03/2022 12:00

Today, as usual, my mother had wine when she has the next day off. Three bottles deep, she started talking about an Indian burial ground that haunts the house, and she knows this because they talk to her in her dreams, so she is right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 116

Alf Garnett

By Anonymous - 30/03/2022 02:00

Today, and up until now, I never knew my dad had a racist streak until he found out his usual fish and chip shop had been turned into an Indian takeaway. The language he was using, I had to google what half of the names even meant, since I wasn't born in the '70s. The neighbours definitely heard him, because now they won't talk to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 129

Don't mention it

By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 06:00 - United States - Verona

Today, my mother went on another long rant, detailing 20 years of bad things that we all already knew about a relative. The slightest recollection in a conversation never fails to turn into unending monologues. I can't change the past, nor the subject of conversation apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 91

Understanding

By Vince - 27/03/2022 12:00

Today, my parents told me they won’t be attending my wedding, all because my fiancée is the woman I cheated on my ex with and left her for. What they fail to understand is that people and hearts change. It wouldn’t be fair to remain by my ex’s side while being in love with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 2 582

Mommy's best boy

By Anonymous - 27/03/2022 04:00 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I realized that my mom has not had a date, or had sex, in 50 years. I've become her 'Husband-Son'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 193

WAKEY WAKEY

By izaya - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Muskogee

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 919

You deserved it 2 211

No Gareth Thomas

By Anonymous - 23/03/2022 06:00

Today, my family are really into rugby so I tried out for a local team. It didn't go well, and afterwards I couldn’t find my dad anywhere. It turns out he was so embarrassed by my sheer incompetence, he got in his car and drove away. I had to walk 9 miles home, which isn’t easy in rugby boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 146

Repent!

By Mauro - 22/03/2022 16:00

Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 338

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 10:00

Today, I noticed some of my thongs were stretched out and now hung loose on my hips. I thought it might be the dryer set too hot but no, apparently my mom has been wearing them over her fat ass, and thought I wouldn’t mind since we occasionally share our hoodies. Not the same thing mom. GROSS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 128

Ironic

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 16:00

Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 108

Mommy's boy

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 22:00

Today, after I've spent years cultivating my reputation at work as a hardass who's good to his team, as long as they're competent and own up to mistakes, my mother came as a customer and suddenly I'm a kid all over again. She even tried to pat my head and ask if I'm eating enough. Now my team all keep smirking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 302

Go to school!

By emilee - 19/03/2022 14:00

Today, I told my dad I wasn’t feeling well, to which his response was to interrupt me and say, “Nope. Not buying it.” I have never faked an illness in my life, and this time I vomited in front of my entire class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 106

Controlling

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 04:00

Today, I caught my mom in the back row of one of my lectures, so I confronted her. Apparently she’s been doing this all year to make sure I’m paying attention in class and not making friends with the "wrong sort of people" (yes, she's a racist as well). I can't wait to move out of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 147

Cranberry juice might help

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 16:00

Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 134

Nap buddies

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 16:01 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I found out that my father is telling people that we sometimes sleep with each other, meaning it literally. He knows the figurative meaning of that phrase, but insists that “not everyone has a dirty mind.” Thankfully, since I’m an adult he won’t get into legal trouble, but still, ewww. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 185

Thanks for the support

By BadMomma - 15/03/2022 15:00 - United States - Kula

Today, I asked my parents to babysit my kids for an hour so that I could visit the doctor for my asthma, which has worsened over the past two days. Apparently I'm a bad mother, and it's OK if I stop breathing, but shouldn't leave my kids to go out alone. My husband was at the gym the entire evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 143

Parents of the year

By ash - 15/03/2022 22:00

Today, as usual, my parents do not believe that I have schizophrenia. The hallucinations won’t stop and I still can’t get used to how scary they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 91

For the kids

By Anonymous - 14/03/2022 22:00

Today, I overheard my parents discussing their divorce. Apparently, what they mostly disagree over is that neither of them want custody of me and are considering delaying their divorce until I’m 18, because at least then legally I’m not either of their problem to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 170

Not today, Satan

By Anonymous - 14/03/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, I briefly considered coming out to my parents when the topic of LGBTQ+ people came up in conversation, until my dad called them “socially deranged.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 284

Apron springs

By whyme - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother screamed and swore at me because I said I was looking to move out soon. Apparently, the idea of me moving out at 27 and her getting a job to pay her own way is devastating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 091

You deserved it 3 045

Police protected wedding

By Tiana - 14/03/2022 02:00

Today, my stepfather currently has a restraining order of 1 Km because he kept on stalking me and my fiancée. I'm getting married in a week and I just found out that my mother invited him. I need to think fast on how to stop this scumbag from showing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 82

The Leftovers

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 20:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, my mom asked me why I barely talk to her anymore. Well, mom, maybe it's because you nicknamed my stepdaughter "Leftovers," and call her that in public, like at family gatherings or school events. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 83

Grasping at straws

By lulumars - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 547

You deserved it 2 744

Daddy's… boy

By Anonymous - 11/03/2022 12:01

Today, it's been a week my husband started pouting since I gave birth to our third and final baby, who is also our third boy. He’s pouting that he didn’t get the daughter he wanted. It’s so cute watching him sulk, but he’s also a pain in the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 241

Priorities

By Anonymous - 10/03/2022 04:00 - Australia

Today, my mum bought a boat. She still hasn’t paid me back the $1000 she owes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 94

Cut the apron strings

By Anonymous - 10/03/2022 00:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at 30 years-old, I can finally move out. I could have chosen an apartment close to work, but instead I decided to stay close to where my mother lives. Since I told her, she's been complaining that I'm selfish and I'm creating a lot of problems for her by moving so far away. I'll be living half a block from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 304

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while at work in a subscription TV call center, a 71 year-old male customer went into explicit detail about the "adults only" programming that he enjoys, including all the kinky things he learns from said programming, and tries out on his 70 year-old wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 025

You deserved it 6 525

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, with whom I've been with for four years. I've been in Australia for the last two months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 965

You deserved it 262

The Top

Today, I'm 19, I'm at uni, I've never been kissed and the only person I have had a proper conversation with in the past week is my Mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 648

You deserved it 5 493

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 693

You deserved it 4 338

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 577

You deserved it 3 327

Today, I spent several hours consoling my crying girlfriend. Why was she crying? She had been told to stop 'leading on' a guy at work who has a crush on her. Worse yet, she has a crush on him, thus the crying. Worse still, this isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 636

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 338

You deserved it 1 553

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 427

You deserved it 26 493