Parents

Cut the apron strings

By Anonymous - 10/03/2022 00:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at 30 years-old, I can finally move out. I could have chosen an apartment close to work, but instead I decided to stay close to where my mother lives. Since I told her, she's been complaining that I'm selfish and I'm creating a lot of problems for her by moving so far away. I'll be living half a block from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 304

Disproportionate response

By Anonymous - 09/03/2022 14:00

Today, mom caught me watching YouTube while doing schoolwork. I'm grounded, and not allowed to do anything but schoolwork. She got mad, EVEN THOUGH I was doing schoolwork while watching videos, maintaining a 98% in my class. Now I'm grounded longer, because I'm supposed to do schoolwork and nothing but. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 340

Alcohol ain't no joke

By WellPlayedMother - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 706

You deserved it 1 078

Grounded

By Cerise - 05/03/2022 18:00

Today, my sister commented that she wants to audition for The Voice and that she’s sure she’ll make it to the finals. I said, “You have to have raw talent to do so.” I realized the severity of my comment too late as she teared up and stormed out of the room. My mom took my Macbook and car keys away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 455

Not your day, is it?

By hiheyaiden - 03/03/2022 23:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mom kept swearing and punished me while I was in an online lesson. I almost got punished by the teacher as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 107

That stupid saying should die

By screw my grades then right?! - 02/03/2022 16:00

Today, I was doing homework in the living room when my mom came in and started blasting music and cleaning. When I asked if she could turn it off so I could study, she bitched at me about "My house, my rules." She also has a rule that we can’t do homework in our rooms because of too many distractions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 123

First impressions

By Anonymous - 01/03/2022 14:00

Today, my dad has such a low opinion of me, he refused to believe I have a girlfriend and instead chose to believe she's a prostitute I hired to try and impress him. My girlfriend was so insulted she dumped me, all while my dad was applauding her for her impressive role play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 116

Best day of your life

By Anonymous - 26/02/2022 00:01

Today, I don’t usually ask much from my dad because I know how incapable he is but after two years delaying my wedding due to Covid restrictions, I thought I could at least ask him to stay sober long enough to walk me down the aisle. More fool me I suppose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 137

Won't get fooled again

By chacha_bby - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded, "Well, the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 759

You deserved it 52 841

Sir Mix-a-Lot's mom

By MomIsJelly - 22/02/2022 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I noticed that my mom had been hiding all my leggings and yoga pants from me. Upon asking her, she admitted that she was jealous that my butt is bigger than hers, and that when I wear those types of pants, it's like I'm "rubbing it in". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 149

Hogwatch

By Anonymous - 19/02/2022 00:01

Today, I had to slowly and very seriously explain to my mother why there is no 'White History Month'. I can't believe we are actually related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 315

Plants are our friend

By CoffeeCakeCaramel - 18/02/2022 01:00 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my mother bought earrings with marijuana leaves on them to show her love of nature. She won’t believe me when I tell her that it’s a weed leaf, and wants to wear them to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 86

Playing favorites

By Anonymous - 18/02/2022 04:00

Today, I heard my daughter-in-law refer to her twin daughters, my precious twin grandbabies, as “the good one” and “the shit stain”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 186

Ruined

By Halle - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head, destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 473

You deserved it 6 853

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 16/02/2022 06:00

Today, my siblings and I were going through our old home movies after our mom recently passed away. We accidentally found a VHS sextape of our mom and dad in their 20's. We are now collectively psychologically scarred, and can never unsee what we have seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 619

You deserved it 366

I just love to rant

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 12:00 - United States - Verona

Today, my mother went on another rant about the Smart TV not working. Instead of turning it off and on like she's been told to do before, she'll sit and complain about it. Even fixing it for her doesn't stop her complaining for another half-hour about technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 109

Homophobia is wack

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 04:00

Today, my mother refuses to believe I’m gay because I’m too handsome. Apparently only really ugly men can be gay, because they’re too ugly to get women, and choose to date other ugly guys instead. I can’t believe I came out of that bigoted, racist, scumbucket's womb. The thought makes me sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 425

So exotic

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 11:59 - United States - Marquette

Today, my mother met a new member of my band. He's a piano player from Mexico City. She introduced herself as my mother, then asked him if he spoke Spanish or Mexican. This lead to a long talk about how they speak Spanish in Mexico too. She didn’t believe him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 110

Big Brother

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 16:00

Today, and lately, my dad has an annoying habit of knowing where I’ve been, even though I never go anywhere worth mentioning. On a hunch, I checked my phone and it turns out he’s been tracking my location. I’ve literally done nothing to deserve this lack of trust, and now I think I hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 208

Mom of the year

By Neo - 10/02/2022 16:00

Today, I told my mom that I'd vomited blood. She simply said, “Good” and went back to watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 113

Young love

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 10:01

Today, I thought my husband was going to explode the vein in his forehead when our daughter's new boyfriend turned up with a Mike Tyson face tattoo, a weed cigarette in his mouth, and instead of “Hello” all he said was, “What up, grandpa dude. Is Sarah ready?” Our daughter's name is Sandra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 147

Hard times

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 23:00 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, after 3 days of insomnia, I was able to finally fall asleep, just for there to be a fire in the apartment building about 15 minutes later. My mom called me selfish for waking her up in the middle of the night to ask if I could stay with her, and told me I better not rent a hotel room with the money I owe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 115

They **** you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do…

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 00:01

Today, I’m getting a very interesting demonstration of how genetics work: I have inherited all my dad’s health issues, plus those from my mom, plus a bunch of new ones that belong exclusively to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 99

Absentee parents

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 18:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I have to start completely over on my degree and life, because I was so busy raising my sister that I never got to plan my career out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 153

A bit weird, mom

By let it go already! - 07/02/2022 18:00

Today, I found out my mom was serious when she said she’d never get over me dumping my ex. While babysitting my 6 month-old daughter, she took her to meet said ex for lunch while I was at work. Problem? He’s not my daughter’s father and I broke up with him when I was 16. My husband is pissed as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 114

Congrats

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 296

You deserved it 2 552

Asshole

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 06:00

Today, after my dad recently had to go sober or face dying within a year, it turns out that without the alcohol, his personality still sucks. He used to be a drunk asshole, but now he’s just an asshole. At least when he was drunk he used to pass out. Now he can be an asshole all night without stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 99

Judge Judy

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 20:01

Today, my mother refuses to acknowledge my girlfriend and refuses to accept the baby she is carrying as her real grandchild, all because my girlfriend has tattoos, which apparently makes her a "whore", so the baby could be from any other guy except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 177

Addictions kill

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 05:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my mom fell and hit her head on our coffee table when walking inside. She tripped on a 1 cm gate rail. She split her head open and there was so much blood. This is the third bad fall in 2 weeks. She still smokes, despite having COPD, and the ER doctor telling her smoking is depriving her brain of oxygen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 113

Grown-ass man

By Anonymous - 03/02/2022 05:59 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my 61 year-old father snatched a letter from my hands and threw four different fits because he misread it four different times, then yelled at me for "not reading it properly." I had to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 92

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The Top

Today, I was excited to have a window seat on my three hour flight to New York. When I got to my row, I noticed the screaming newborn occupying the seat in front of me, and a pair of toddlers behind me. I then looked to my seat to find I have no window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 807

You deserved it 3 732

Today, on our twelfth wedding anniversary, my wife fell asleep at a fine dining restaurant table within seconds of asking me about my exciting job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 86

The Top

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 210

You deserved it 4 880

Today, my soon-to-be ex doesn’t understand why I get so pissed that he has to consult his ex-wife over every little thing we do, including needing her blessing for us to get engaged. It’s none of her damn business, yet he insists he’s merely trying to not hurt her feelings. Fuck him and her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 256

Today, my blind date tried to sell me a vacuum. I bought it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 947

You deserved it 8 289

Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 336

You deserved it 38 520

Today, I lost my diary. The diary in which I write all my appointments/chores/grocery lists, etc. It includes "Wash last week's underwear", "Batteries for vibrator" and "Diarrhea meds". I'm 99% sure I lost it in one of my classes. I'm dreading going to college tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 425

Today, I discovered the office coffee machine had been replaced with a complex espresso maker. I'm so introverted that instead of asking for help, I spent the day googling how to operate it, all to end up with a cup of lukewarm frothed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 491