Virginity and Intimacy: Absolute beginners - FML

Absolute beginners

By dancerr2210 - 09/06/2010 04:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 264

You deserved it 6 968

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Same thing different taste

Nuts

By Anonymous - 15/09/2011 20:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 847

You deserved it 6 146

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 056

You deserved it 59 309

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 01:23 - Canada - Bedford

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 022

You deserved it 6 086

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 953

You deserved it 3 070

By EliseV - 03/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Chino Hills

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 954

You deserved it 6 002

Testing the waters

By Anonymousss95 - 10/12/2011 12:03 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 705

You deserved it 13 391

By Blueberrypicc - 13/08/2010 01:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 325

You deserved it 38 087

By Mini-wanker - 18/10/2011 17:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 541

You deserved it 8 865

By Alicia - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 381

You deserved it 6 347

Not a great start

By anon - 05/06/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 212

Next

Top comments

lahp 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 12:00

thats what you get for dating 6 year olds....

ThatLooksSticky 16

Wednesday 9 June 2010 12:27

Making out is kissing (each other's lips), and maybe "heavy petting" or "groping." Oral sex is using your mouth on another person's genitals, which usually aren't located on the face.

Comments

michelindaaa 0

Sunday 1 January 2012 22:00

That's a good thing , it means you're a good kisser .

trumpet27 1

Sunday 29 January 2017 16:37

Doesn't he know kissing and sex are two different things?

kevinsagirl2323 8

Saturday 7 October 2017 21:04

wow. I hope you two are young but still...thats very ignorant.

Keywords

Surprise Love Cute Awkward Texting My ex Wanker Sex Intimacy Health Insomnia Sleep Mental health Cooking Food Weekend Parents Kids Annoying Pranks Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Pizza Animals

The Top

Today, while I was showering in my dorm, a hand reached through the curtain and grabbed my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain, thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized, then went on to have sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 925

You deserved it 3 628

Today, my husband wants a divorce and will be moving out as soon as possible because he can’t stand my mother anymore. He's tired of pushing me to stand up to her, even once, so he's done and is leaving. I’m upset he’s leaving, but I’m equally as upset he’s leaving me alone with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 1 696

The Top

Today, after eating out, my mother asked me to figure out 20 percent of the bill whilst staring daggers at me. I have never been good at math under pressure and especially not percentages, so I told her as such. She called me a complete idiot, to which my father simply said, “I agree.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 397

Today, my son claimed credit for a money-saving scheme at work that belonged to a colleague. He claimed this to someone in very upper management, but when they tried to ask follow-up questions, he obviously had no idea how to answer, admitted his lie and was sacked on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 435

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 132

You deserved it 56 897

Today, despite being the president of the Japanese club at my school since it started, my mom will not let me go on a school-sponsored trip to Japan. She's worried that North Korea will fire a missile at Japan while I'm there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 841

You deserved it 287

Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 341

Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 357

You deserved it 2 088