Farts, Cute and Love: An attempt was made

An attempt was made

By bubblewrap - 20/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 799

You deserved it 11 968

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Same thing different taste

Holy eyesight, Batman!

By Anonymous - 05/08/2023 22:00

Today, I thought a cute guy was checking out my ass, so I cheekily bent over a little to give him an eyeful. He walked over to a shop assistant, pointed at me and left. The assistant then informed me, “Miss, you’ve torn your trousers, your knickers are visible, and, um, apparently you have a skid mark.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 1 215

By Anonymous - 26/09/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 063

You deserved it 3 580

By stink - 01/07/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 454

You deserved it 4 993

By Stinky and Single - 06/08/2015 23:14 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 765

You deserved it 6 705

By combovercaiti_ - 25/01/2019 12:00

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 290

You deserved it 372

By Mic - 07/01/2010 17:44 - United States

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 535

You deserved it 4 649

By Anonymous - 01/03/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 732

You deserved it 10 935

By beriles - 15/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 159

You deserved it 8 443

By Mark - 30/03/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I was working out at the gym doing squats. There was a girl there that I wanted to impress so I loaded up the bar with a lot of weight and began to do my squat. As I was going down I farted so loud that I began to laugh and fell backwards. Everyone in the room just stared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 450

You deserved it 74 955

Take a break

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 114

Ethan_Anonymous 28

Tuesday 20 October 2015 18:00

I hate when I'm checking out a girl and they try to show off. Like really, if I'm checking you out and you notice and are into me, just talk to me

Wizardo 33

Tuesday 20 October 2015 17:59

Warning shots fired.

Comments

youraveragehuman 16

Tuesday 20 October 2015 17:58

Hopefully he starts going to a different bar to spare both of you an awkward encounter

tranced_ 45

Tuesday 20 October 2015 19:10

love is all about awkward encounters I mean who knows they might hit it off after all?!

Wizardo 33

Tuesday 20 October 2015 17:59

Warning shots fired.

muzy 23

Tuesday 20 October 2015 21:41

Well, it's safe to assume that she blew him away!

xTommytheGUNx 15

Sunday 25 October 2015 8:19

im still laughing

somehappydude 11

Tuesday 20 October 2015 17:59

How to scare a guy 101

mds9986 24

Tuesday 20 October 2015 19:47

Is there a graduate level course?

tantanpanda 26

Wednesday 21 October 2015 0:53

You should ask OP because she seems to have a PhD in it.

Violenna 14

Thursday 22 October 2015 4:07

Forever Alone University?

omarj03 5

Tuesday 20 October 2015 18:00

Oh, he got a show alright. I can feel how uncomfortable he was. Better luck next time, OP

Ethan_Anonymous 28

Tuesday 20 October 2015 18:00

I hate when I'm checking out a girl and they try to show off. Like really, if I'm checking you out and you notice and are into me, just talk to me

Silver7827 14

Tuesday 20 October 2015 19:41

or maybe you just talk to her instead and not play games

Wizardo 33

Tuesday 20 October 2015 20:43

I think most peoples form of flirting is desperate eye contact and hoping the other person is braver than you are.

JohnEvans 3

Tuesday 20 October 2015 22:56

no one is going to talk to you with that profile pic

Isa_fml 20

Tuesday 20 October 2015 23:12

Nobody asked you.

lemonadestand 7

Wednesday 21 October 2015 2:43

Ironically enough, I don't remember anyone asking you to make a comment. #35 was just stating their opinion which is allowed. You know, freedom of speech and all

MozillaHostile 21

Wednesday 21 October 2015 5:22

#61, then why in the hell does the comments section exist?

bass_ftp 12

Wednesday 21 October 2015 11:44

So by that logic, why would they have to take that step? Maybe they are not that into you but just like to put on a show. You won't know until you talk to them. You're the one looking first so saying you hate them for putting on a show is a bit strange don't you think?

cheeeksss 29

Thursday 22 October 2015 1:07

And then there's girls like me who don't know how to put on a show. When I notice someone checking me out, I don't know what to do and I just hide because I'm awkward .__.

xTommytheGUNx 15

Sunday 25 October 2015 8:23

#91 I don't cheack girls out i awkwardly stare and then hide when they notice me.....:)

odamaliekh 26

Tuesday 20 October 2015 18:01

Well on the bright side, you probably won't see him again. Maybe next time a cute guy walks in, just talk to him. Butt it still sucks, I feel sorry for you OP!