Miscellaneous: Brief break - FML

Brief break

By daddyowl - 25/05/2012 04:32 - Canada - Montreal

Today, after five months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight." She allowed me all of four minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 301

You deserved it 3 023

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Classic Mom moment

By me - 28/06/2013 15:51 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 625

You deserved it 4 049

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 950

You deserved it 4 803

By Noname - 25/02/2009 22:06 - Canada

Today, I walked downstairs in a new outfit, after dieting for 3 months, and losing just over 20 pounds. My mom took one look at me and said "You'd better keep going." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 784

You deserved it 3 616

Happy dance!

By Got the job anyway, so whatevs - 22/11/2024 06:00 - United States - New York

Today, after five years of working a soul-sucking dead end job, I was offered an amazing role in a new field. When the HR rep told me, I was so excited that I screamed at the top of my lungs, cheered like a maniac, and started laughing so hard I cried.I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm off my meds now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 316

By Kristina - 18/02/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 005

You deserved it 6 882

By Username - 19/05/2011 15:13

Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 80 654

Missing the point 101

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 00:02

Today, I told my mom I lost 30 pounds because of an eating disorder. She told me to keep up the good work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 197

Happy/Sad

By McNuggets - 19/08/2023 08:00

Today, I started the job of my dreams, which I’ve spent 20 years trying to get, only to get a call that my mom, who supported me when no one else would or could, went into a coma. I didn’t even get to tell her I started the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 95

By Anonymous - 01/07/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, after weeks, I've finally reached my goal and lost 10 lbs. My sister got jealous about me losing weight, and told my parents and coworkers that I'm anorexic. Hello, intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 250

You deserved it 3 137

By Anonymous - 17/01/2013 10:43 - United States

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 457

You deserved it 9 542

Next

Top comments

Jiinxx 8

Friday 25 May 2012 12:06

mothers. can't live with them, can't live without them.

ImaginaryFoe 0

Friday 25 May 2012 13:09

Sure you would, tough guy. Watch out, we got a badass over here!

Comments

Link5794 18

Friday 5 October 2012 22:38

gio4467 7

Saturday 23 March 2013 23:08

I feel you OP..,my mom did the same exact thing to me when I got into my dream college...ain't that a bitch

meepingoreos 6

Monday 14 July 2014 1:55

What is your dream job? Why would you need to lose weight for it? Not being offensive, just wondering what the job is where you need to be skinny.

Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 17

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 980

The Top

Today, my neighbours had an extremely loud party, which began at midnight and didn't end until 6. I know this because I had a 15 minute sleep, seeing as I had to wake up at quarter past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 948

You deserved it 364

Today, I was busy going over wedding plans with my fiancé, when my mother called. Apparently, she wants me to "drop the joke" about this "fake engagement", because she was under the impression I was only dating a white guy to piss her and dad off, and was now getting carried away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 119

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 220

You deserved it 3 631

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 435

You deserved it 4 710

Today, I started antibiotics for a UTI. Now, along with a burning sensation whenever I pee, I also need to try not to fall asleep, put up with the headaches, nausea, and lightheadedness from the tablets, all while working two jobs and being a parent. Six days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 113

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via Snapchat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 232

You deserved it 4 191